Living with Ourselves

Hello @Sophia1 so happy and glad that you are around, life has taken its toll on Clawde, but as the old song goes I’m still standing in the state I’m in, 😀 shit happens then we are supposed to grow from that, Me thinks you learn to tread, cope and keep on going, and help others as one goes along, anyway love reading your input a

ong my life journey and I really thank you for being in y life when I bounce back to this web thing,you help me in so much really hard to explain right now , but honestly you do and have made and make a difference to Clawde 😍👍

@tyme thanks tyme for your welcome mat..... A huge old duffle coat with a regurgitated hat perched on top,..... wait a minut..... its moving..... ITS ALIVE .. ITS ALIVE.... Its ok , never really left, i suspect im not the only one that drifts in and out... No watch, no time concepts... You know the deal. Any way i always think of the diversity of kind souls i met and the gems they generously shared with me. ill always return to port from time to time and pray that life gifts to you all, the same wealth of treasure it paves my path with each day . love to all, tonys at moon base one.

Do Cooees fly through space to the moon? @tonys

Cooeee!

@Clawde @Shaz51 @outlander Hey friends ...

@Sophia1

Always love to hear from you whether it is a simple "like" or a lovely long thoughtful post.

I had some moments when I was away. My words came out all wrong and I could barely string together 2 to make sense ... lol ... at a cafe I asked for a Cappucino medio ... mindlessly rhyming...lol ... needed a lie down but got a sit down instead. We make the best with what we have.

Love Apple

Dearest @Clawde

I am so sorry that I have taken so long to reply to such a beautiful, caring letter that you wrote to me.

You truly touched my heart.

I have been needing more time away from here as still struggling with flashbacks and coming to term with loss of mum.

Older son situation deteriorating again which is impossible not to worry about.

In recovery stage from small operation and testing procedures. Thankfully surgeon rang me yesterday and all results are good.

I told him that is a relief as I am not having any more surgery!

I am supposed to have a MRI/CT scan for follow up of tumour removed from back 208.

Appointment not until early next year and will be last of 5 year follow up thankfully.

will get around to that another time.

Need other medical stuff but that can wait too.

Grief drains too much energy.

This you are also still dealing with and are fully aware of what I am talking about.

I very much respect your taking the time to write as I know that you prefer to offer support signs on your travels.

This is what serves you well and I for one respect that about you.

Clawde is being Clawde. Always be the beautiful Clawde.

I will try to find you when and if you do write should you forget to tag or should I be away.

If by chance I miss you it has nothing to do with our long term friendship only my on and off the forum lifestyle which I know that you too respect.

I hope that life starts being kinder to you and that you are able to look for kindness in other areas if it does not.

Nature is a beautiful source of kindness for me when I need time out from people.

Do you like gardening even if in pots at all?

Our Emelia is finally receiving the much needed medical attention and miraculously still writing to people.

She really is amazing isn't she.

I know that she also thinks the world of you

along with Tab and others whom my mind will not let me think of at the moment.

Sorry starting to ramble.

Sleep all over the place.

Will stop leaving you with

love to you as always Clawde

Sophia 1

big hug.

Dear @Appleblossom

Our friendship has definitely developed over the time that I have been on the forums now.

I met you fairly early in the piece, along with Shaz and @Determined along with quite a few who have since left the forums.

Some I still miss to this day.

It has been so interesting getting to know the many aspects of appleblossom.

You have always interested and intrigued me.

It took a long time to convince you that our differences are what I value.

I have many friends each and every one so very different from the other.

This is what draws me to them.

I embrace difference and am the first to stand up for someone with difference.

Providing that they are respectful to me of course.

It has been lovely learning more and more about you as we are both still continuing to do.

love

Sophia1

Hello my dear friend @Jacques

I read somewhere that you have been working very hard on your bike again.

Lovely that you have the skills and capacity to work at something which is so very rewarding for you.

I know that your mum, girlfriend and her children (teenagers now I think. They will not appreciate being called children. Somehow I don't think that they will be reading this though.)

I know that they all will be watching your progress with great pride and love for you whether or not they express this....Especially those teenagers not really a teenager vibe.

Enjoy your time watching them grow and develop into young adults.

The whole journey of watching children develop into adults is fascinating within safe environments.

The same with the growth of your own relationships with your partner and your mum.

Gardenia still alive. Phew

Talk again

big hug

Sophia1

Hello @tonys

I loved the analogy of the raising of volume when discussing financial status.

The list goes on.

These are the facebook etc crowd constantly updating photos of self. Photos that have been shopped with some app. So who is the real person any more?

Then there is the botox, facelift, surgical goodness knows what.

So many young people wasting their money on this totally oblivious that eventually they will look far older than if they had just left their looks alone.

What is real?

Who is real?

People are looking more and more like clones than individuals.

This is about low self esteem. This worries me about the world today.

You have encountered me when I have been writing about being in a dark place as a form of journalling.

This enabled me to start to move in and out of the darkness.

This is a way of helping myself and others as @maddison mentioned she found that she was able to relate and see a different perspective.

I am an extremely strong survivor.

I am very persistent and have much inner strength.

This I have been told by others who have witnessed such.

I know that I need to practise being kinder to myself as I constantly remind others.

I do this in other ways that are not written about or seen on the forums.

I just do not talk about myself in that way.

I get so much back in helping others. I always have since being very young.

It is an innate part of who I am.

Tis me.

I also take time out.

I also use this thread as my safe space.

This is the hard part of writing on the forum for anyone as we all land on threads during different episodes of a person's story.

We all have our own style of story telling also thank goodness.

How boring if we did not.

It is impossible to work out the strengths and weaknesses of another without meeting the person in reality. Even in real life we reveal what we choose to to others.

The majority of people in my real life have no concept of what I have endured.

They are oblivious of my having any struggle with mental illness.

They do not know about the health situation of my older son.

This is how I choose to be.

You also have made choices and it is wonderful that you find such delight in visiting the big city.

We all do it our way don't we Tonys.

So I am trying to reassure you that you need not worry about me or have concerns.

Yes I am a searcher. A seeker. A questioner.

My life is a quest that is interrupted by external circumstances as with anyone.

The journey through this is what life is.

There is actually a very bubbly, lighthearted side to me which you have not seen.

Nice to hear from you.

Keep on writing wherever you choose.

Sophia1

sending you a hug

Hello @outlander

I really do not know much about your home situation or family life these days.

I have read about your study efforts and remember writing to you some time ago commending you on how hard you were working despite your health issues and family concerns.

I read recently that you are unhappy where you are currently working.

Can you look at it as a stepping stone and use it purely as an opportunity to finish your certificate and add valuable work experience to many more openings within the area that you want to work in.

That area will have more vacancies as they are vastly under sourced and even under trained.

I believe that you are on the right course(pun there) and next year life will bring some rewarding surprises for you.

Take care

love Sophia1

big hug

Hello @StuF

I have been trying my hardest to find a response to me from before.

Perhaps even a week ago I have no idea.

So rather than waste any more energy as those quick chats move too quickly for me. I have led you over here.

You need not stay here if you prefer not to.

Write to me from wherever you feel comfortable.

I get lost easily on the ever so big forums these days.

We were swapping notes about trying to keep @TAB in check with his health.

I think that he stopped writing to me after my last mum stance laugh.

My husband is the same.

Yes, yes then does the opposite.

I am convinced that he has influenced my younger son also. He is an adult though and lives on his own so is very independent like I was when I spent time living alone and still am.

I hope that life is offering some smiles and thank you for connection.

Sophia1