Hello dearest @Emelia8
Again, thank you for responding when you are dealing with so much as well as feeling drained understandably.
EMDR is a therapy that I am aware of. I was referred to a clinical psychologist who attempted to ask me to respond to something written on a board in her office. The referral was for PTSD which at the time, I thought only applied to other people who had incurred far more traumatic experiences.
The psychologist made the decision to take a different approach with me, as a result of my reaction. To this day I cannot remember what that was as well as her deciding it was better not to think any more on the subject. Perhaps she was not as thoroughly trained in the subject as your therapist.
I continued to see her for about 18 months having CBT; which ran it's course so to speak with me. I started to recognise that I was beginning to go backwards and finding our sessions more like conversations.
I was then referred back to a psychiatrist whom I had previously seen and only stopped due to distance that I had to travel. I did not feel that it was safe for me to drive that far in that state of mind.
I am still with the same person who now does psychotherapy as well.
This style of therapy works very well with me and I have been having several sessions a week for many years now.
It is mostly intense and extremely hard work; particularly in between the sessions when feelings and emotions can arise as a result of the type of therapy.
I understand your feeling drained and feeling like you have nothing left to give. This makes me feel that you are giving everything that you are able to at this present stage of your recovery as well as therapy, to yourself working towards your recovery. Not for the lighthearted.
Whilst the two therapies are totally different they appear to have the same intense effect which makes sense to me.
Please do not feel that you have to give anything to me @Emelia8 . You describe my life journey incurring so much. I see yours as having some similarities and other different challenges. Definitely far too great a load for anyone to have to endure.
Life does not make sense in this way.
I have come to believe that life will never make sense if we only focus on our challenges. This is of course a place one can find oneself in when having to continually deal with more and more ongoing. A stage where the resounding sense of "when is this ever going to stop" might become a constant thought. You are all too familiar with this scenario.
I am, however, pleased to hear that you are continuing with this therapy as you yourself are also another example of great strength and perseverance despite what life throws at you.
In particular for yourself, at times when you are attempting to overcome physical pain and take on the world of rehabilitation which can bring a whole new range of challenges.
Throw in all of the medical appointments that take so much effort to get ready for; fit in; get to; return home and try to absorb let alone remember everything that is said. Then there is everything that is not said and all of the effort to try to remember what to ask; take one of the many lists made in advance; be given time enough to read our own writing; make sense of what we have scrawled (apologies you might not scrawl..my writing can appear like another language on occasion).
Supports are another conundrum and a whole new world of more issues. I will not even go down that track today.
I use assisted transport when I can to give my husband some time off as he does far too much. He also has his own health issues and medical appointments.
This is a common scenario.
The world of caring brings with it further exacerbation of one's health as you know only too well.
So we do have some commonalities (no we are not common)
I read somewhere that you were in a mental health clinic at some stage.
I too ended up in a clinic with my overloaded mind and some awareness that my husband was not coping. I took the opportunity to take a break from everything and everyone as well as give my husband a break from me. He wanted me home even though I know if I was at home he would have wished I was back in hospital for daycare laugh.
Hospital helped slightly for perhaps a week. I would say it put out the fire. The ashes were still there and not cleaned up though. Eventually I recognised that I was going backwards; spending most of my time in room; having been advised to maintain low stimulation. Impossible in any medical facility. Told specialist going home; he was happy and my goodness when I got home I felt euphoric.
I think that your situation was far more intense than mine and a good place for you to be whether or not you wanted to be there. You will let me know the answer to that one if you want to.
I remember you mentioning your neighbours way back and am hoping that you have some interraction with them.
I cannot remember your family situation with relatives.
Thanks to @HenryX tagging me in the keeping happy thread, I found you there. How refreshing to see you escape into a world where you could let go. That brought joy to my heart. I also read and witnessed dear Clawde in a whole new light. I read back many pages and laughed so much.
I was then very sad because I saw that I had been tagged several times in the early stages and this was a time where I was just not well enough to be aware.
I will subscribe to that thread for a while until I start to receive too many emails. Hopefully I will remember where it is by then.
It is the same with your thread Emelia. When you tag me, I find you.
The same for so many people.
I; like you can only do what my current health situation allows and am practising very hard not to be so hard on myself.
Well I have written far too much again.
I do hope that this one does not disappear.
They might all join up and become like a paper chain letter.
Lovely to see that you have your humour; such a beautiful part of who you are.
You have strength and perseverence.
You have the courage to cry and the sense to take time out.
You offer support and sound advice.
You never stop giving.
Keep on being you my dear Emelia and I hope that I can continue to hear from you; only when you are up to it.
No rush. No pressure.
I am still unable to be on here too often anyway.
Hope that you felt the soothing greenery that I sent previously.
A warm yellow heart as it is freezing cold here; is hopefully coming your way.
love Sophia 💛
