Living with Ourselves

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@outlander wrote:
@Sophia1^^

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I am short on words and sense at the moment..

am weary so off to bed..

thankyou for stopping by xx

My last post was written with a very weary...drained state of mind...a body in great pain....a mood of high and low emotion..

In regard to my mention of the value of the property owned by the people who want to buy ours....I was not in any way trying to inflate my ego with materialistic values...In hindsight I should not have mentioned the amount..

My intent was to emphasise given the value of theirs...there is a stronger chance of settlement going ahead...they might be in a position to still buy ours if their's is not sold by settlement date of two months time requested by them...Also she has been head hunted for a position at the University here which means that they will more than likely be coming here...There property interstate is 30 acres and equestrian....Our property is in a different state...however in an equestrian area near a race course...only 5 acres....All of this being a deciding factor in accepting an offer subject to sale...

It has been a long draining time that the house has been on the market...trying to keep everything pristine ready for people to book appointments to have a look....all of this whilst I have been very unwell..in and out of different hospitals...family sagas...crises and my own state of mind...news of tumour following up with surgery and now in recovery stage....follow ups to continue to make sure does not come back...

Yes we have worked hard to own property....not overly materialistic...not into having latest technology or changing furniture etc at the drop of a pin...

Aside from all of that...mental unwellness is very hard to deal with...the symptoms ..struggles and suffering when dejected by those who are meant to love you....hiding self from the real world so as not to be further judged...learning of own "family member" missing and seriously ill....unable to contact..having to wait to hear....receiving very concerning messages ..hearing of slept on street and picked up by police...not knowing at any given time life situation...beyond words...

there are many different kinds of pain as a result of mental unwellness and external life crises...

I do not measure my pain against others....

I have strong empathy for fellow sufferers...particularly those with long term suffering...circumstances affecting their daily living...family issues....

Perhaps in hindsight I should not have written about the subject for sale conditions...

I was not thinking clearly at the time...

I do not want to upset anyone on these forums at any given time....I want to support...

Apologies for others reading the above response...If necessary I shall request removal of the post..

I am no better a person for living in a house that is owned...

I am upset now that I came across that way...

I will request removal of the post...

Thinking of you @Sophia1 I don't think you should have to remove anything. MH does not discriminate as to a persons finances. Whatever you need to share should be ok here. Anyone with any sense can recognize that you have to work really hard to get to a point of owning property and anyway most people who do have huge mortgages to do so. Really sorry that you've been made to feel guilty for your circumstances and sharing about them.

Hoping you are ok today. This is a huge time of change and a certain unpredictability as to what will unfold which must make you feel somewhat insecure. I watched my Mum go through a similar process not so long ago with a 'subject to sale' contract so I get it, even though I will likely never own property myself.

I am expressing how I am feeling at present ....

I have been struggling since the operation....medication...medication weaning....physical setback...emergency hospital....physiotherapist ....have just been told am only still in acute recovery...

still not realising that I have even had the operation...

realisation that have MRI in august ...3 months after 5 week check up...I think that I have written this elsewhere ...niggling .....can it come back...supposed to be putting plans in place for new home to be built...will I be here? sounds very melodramatic...

Has been hard with the change of username as I was advised at the time of discussing with the helpline...I know that I have done the right thing there though...just is what it is...

perhaps my time is up with the forums...

I am finding it so hard to respond to threads that are busy.....

I write on this one and then feel selfish...

I tag some people to let them know that I have not given up on them or think any less of them...yet I still cannot get that right some of the time....

I went through a period of this before I am just reminded...as I write this...a feeling of being misunderstood....not being able to express myself clearly...having to apologise...having to respond to my original post in new words...

why?

so I don't tag people anyway when I vent on here..

should someone pass by and read this....I am just going to stay here for a while...

nothing to do with anybody else...

this is about me and where I am at....

I don't feel that I can be of support or value to anyone at the moment..

I also don't have enough to go around at the moment...

I am very very tired....

I am also very very sad...

so I shall just stay over here.....

I feel like a child again...

Hearing you, @Sophia1. That's what my 'like' means. I'm also a bit all over the place at the moment and tend to stick to the other thread most of the time anyway. But I hope you are feeling better about the forum issues very soon. ox

Sometimes @Sophia1 it is support you need and that is okay - you don't have to give to anyone else - you are the priority Hon and we are here for you. Stay where you feel safe - whether that be this thread only or just one or two others - what is important is that you can talk somewhere here and feel heard.

I am more than happy to listen - and more than happy for you to tag me if you need that ear @Sophia1 - why - because you matter

Here, listening and supporting you

@Mazarita The same goes for you - you spent many nights a long time ago now in staying with me and supporting me - I am more than happy to repay that favour if you need also

Hugs @Sophia1

Thanks, @Zoe7. It's been a while since our paths crossed closely on the forum. I really appreciate your kind offer and will remember it. Hope tonight is one of the better ones for you.