Living with Ourselves

Hello @Appleblossom

Even as a male, I have also had similar feelings and concerns about dress 'codes', appropriateness, etc.

Whenever a single standard of dress was required or a particular robe was provided, as for choirs, I likewise, "felt good and safer in them and free from all the worries and concerns about dressing up and having the right clothes", as you stated.

Best Wishes

@HenryX

hello everyone

@Jacques @Appleblossom @Clawde @Anastasia @Adge @outlander @HenryX @Exoplanet @Oaktree @Shaz51

@Flax

Thank you all for continuing to write to me which is a special way of offering support..

I hope that you are all enjoying the spring ....

new life....new birth..

I am pushing myself to go out .....

working in my garden even out of the garden shed..

working hard at pushing past the blech...

have a lovely day ....find some sun...

listen to birds..

notice the clouds...

look at all the many of colours of green amongst the greenery of nature...

here is some sun for you all 💛

Hello @Sophia1

Best Wishes, especially for today, as well as those following.

With the hope that your feelings and circumstance improve.

It is reassuring to know that you are finding some relief and solace in the garden.

With Much Care and Support

@HenryX

Hi @Sophia1

my partner and i will be ok with sleeping problems, my girlfriend has gone into hospital to change over her night meds, so i hope the new ones work. i have night meds but only take them every few weeks as i don't want there effectiveness to wear off, they work really well for me when i need them though.

yes @Appleblossom my town is very small and everyone knows everyone, so it is m way of hiding in my own town.

@Sophia1 sounds like you have had a beautiful day, it was a nice day here and i spent most of the day out in my yard too 🙂

hugs to all my forum friends

Hello @Jacques

Thank you for making the special effort to reply to me..

It does mean so much ...

Those of us who are very sensitive; being myself..:

add on whatever our mind is up to...

receiving a response from someone personally as in oh yes me..does mean far more than you can imagine..

It is good to hear that you are on top of your own sleeping issues as well as ...your partner aware that she needs to adjust hers..

Your partner sounds as though she is very self aware and has some insight into her needs for maintaining mind health..

I am familiar with small country/hills town scenario..

It is beyond me that people are so judgemental and unwelcoming...

gossip is rife...you are expected to fit into certain categories..

I hope that you get to look out over that fence..

If you do not...it is not a failure at all..

just not the right time..

I know this only too well..

I hope that you are feeling better than you were..

please continue to write..

you are a lovely young man ...

I have two sons...

I am honoured to have these conversations with you..

never any expectations...

fly free as a bird..

your dear friend...hugs to you and your partner..who is more than welcome to join our conversations if would like to... definitely no pressure..

hope to hear back from you soon..

your dear friend

Sophia1

Oh my goodness @Jacques

I have just read over my last response...

It sounds so dreadfully formal and not at all compassionate which is not me at all..

I think that it is a representation of where my mind is at within my own struggles..

Therefore please do not take any notice of the tone as I love our supporting each other with self isolating issues which are just not spoken about are they..

apologies

Sophia 💛

Hello @Appleblossom

Have bounced back over here...

now the dreaded computer will not allow me to paste..

well something along the lines of when there was angst between myself and two sons after leaving their dad..

on occasions when I felt totally helpless and useless...

my younger son would just respond with his dry humour....

instant relief as in a huge air balloon releasing all of it's air..

the three of us would then just collapse into this wonderful sense of humour...

oh those moments were so magical..

was not always like that at all...many horrendous episodes..

locking ourselves in rooms..'

locking ourselves out of the house..

locking ourselves into my car..

his illness not diagnosed..

life is such a question...for me I was brought up in such a sheltered ...polite....correct....family environment..

Yet I have encountered such verbal and physical abuse within my lifetime..

beyond me...

I have been told to speak up for myself..

I have been very assertive for many many years now after my first period of psychoanalysis..

Life in itself is not kind...I was so very surprised to learn this..

I now know that it is up to each of us to be true to ourselves..

for me this includes caring and being kind to others..'

the hardest lesson for me to learn along with earlier past is this is not the desire of the average person..

throw in being different...

headache..

Working at overcoming this ego swamped mindset which seems to be multiplying...

I am standing up for myself...when warranted only...diplomatically and with manners..'

I feel that you are on the same level of understanding..

Sophia

Ooooh Hugs @Sophia1

Hearing you about raising your boys and the issues and unrealistic expectations on families and individuals these days.

In some ways we are opposite and some ways the same.

My mother was very correct about food manners, but as her English was not that good she did not focus on anything else beyond religion. I absorbed manners unconcsiously. Not sure if my father taught them when we were very little, he was caring and had a social conscience.

Then in orphanages and foster homes one encounters all manner ... of manners. Probably included a more lessons on how NOT to behave. Yep Sophia there is a lot of unkindness in the world.

My husband was very rude about my mother teaching my children manners. Was snide in my ear about it. I was happy for her to do it, like the frill on the dress or the cream on the cake, the little extras that extended family can bring. My biological children have been robbed of their mother and those things due to the rise in self centred small minded thinking.

My heart had a little outing from restraint today at the supermarket; a little bolshie but still within the bounds of common decency, but my son turned on me too quickly.

He was treading warily and there was a trail of pink lollies on the ground at checkout. I muttered and asked the grandmother to pick or kick it out of our way, and muttered broke my neck on other people's children and need to learn to be more disagreeable and bossy. The bubba was stuffing lollies in his/her mouth and mother and grand were ignoring it. I said people need to teach their kids to behave and I had broke my neck over other people's children. Then I said to checkout chic. "I brought my mask but forgot my manners" and laughed.

The grandmother kicked the lollies under the ckeckout. Believe me I have endured a lot for other people's children, even at the zoo or in teaching, let alone my step daughter.

We are in silence atm, but he is chatting on phone. I am glad he has that outlet. I need to find mine without hasty censorship. For me, life and common decency is not about superficial manners and caring about others goes deeper than being too smoochy poochy.

Not sure if it was the fake pink in the lollies that triggered me. Last night I read that people who keep being altruistic when they do not get reciprocity have frontal cortex damage. Ahhh thats me.

Probably stuck in my 6 year old self at time of abandonment. Hence my statement to son that I need to start being more disagreeable. He did not like that, as he has probably taken advantage of the agreeable trait in me. Need to set a limit there. Wish a paid psychologist could have given me better support and care. I did my own study of psychoanalysis and got HIs! Fancy that. Should I have charged like a wounded bull for my expertise? Nah! Dont even like that mindset, Just want respect.

So Bella. I gather you are refined woman and I am pleased to have known and walked with you. God only knows what the hell I am. Maybe like a mixed bag of lollies ... but got get a bit of crunch in there ....

Oh that is a lovely, honest, warm response my dear friend @Appleblossom

Your upbringing was hard...

So many interruptions withing family settings..

Orphanages and foster homes .....self protection within would have been paramount...

Not good that your husband did not support your mum teaching manners.

Sounds like he needed to learn some himself..

I think that sons are easily embarrassed by their mums just opening their mouths to speak...

They also prefer to see the happier, bubbly side of our personalities than when we are not at our best..

My son avoids seeing me when my anxiety is high ....He does not feel comfortable...Possibly triggering past feelings of anxiety within himself around his older brother and dad scenarios..

Once he sees that you are more at peace within yourself again he will be more gracious...

They do not like to see their mums upset or struggling..

They cannot fix us..

love Sophia 💛

Food or anything dropped on the floor is definitely a health and safety risk as you said...people can slip...

you have done so yourself therefore would be extra cautious..

Perhaps grandmother was too focussed on overfeeding child with sweets to placate them and keep them quiet...showing no consideration for others..

I loathe supermarkets..

They seem to bring out the worst in people..

hello @Sophia1

how are you going today my wonderful friend xx