Living with Ourselves

Yes @Appleblossom @Jacques

Gardening provides so much along with the joy of watching growth...survival...colour...

It is very much a part of life..

An opportunity for the thoughts to flow ..whilst the garden provides a safe haven and support..

Life continues in it's own way..

change continues in all areas

Off to play with some soil 💛

one day at a time is the easiest way for me to get by..

Good morning @Adge

I am hoping that you are feeling better and have had some rest...

How are those birds of yours behaving?

Still climbing all over your clothes and head every time you feed them?

You must have quite a reasonable size aviary..

What do you have in your garden these days?

I could not get out there other than to walk around....Too wet..

Stay warm and well...

look after yourself my friend

Sophia 💛

Good morning @Clawde @Anastasia

I noticed your presence....thank you

Hope that you have some pleasure in what the day has on offer for you

Sophia

💛

Hello @Jacques

I hope that you have had better days since we last wrote to each other..

I have not been able to get out into the garden for a few days and this does not help my mindset at all.

Yesterday I was very industrious cleaning oven and cooktop.

I hoovered everywhere to collect the fur and dust... Dusted furniture....

Thoroughly cleaned window sills...bench tops where cat lands at times even though not allowed....

We still have quite an amount of dust coming in from outside due to ongoing garden work...Not my fur...the cat's..

I hate housework

They have been shifting large amounts of soil on the right hand side of our house....Building retaining wall on our side and renovating one on the other which when done was not done properly...

The lovely dust has decided to land on our garden...

I had a look at dragon's tongue online...quite a variety..

which particular one do you have....red flowering? reddish leaves?

Has been too wet here the last couple of days and I have not had enough energy to go outside...

Going to the garden nursery and then the supermarket was draining on friday...

Ridiculous...

The mask wearing and observing others not doing so...social distancing avoiding others not doing so..

cannot hear what staff say and they cannot hear me...

Wears me out..

Husband keeps on telling me not to let it get to me...

Anxiety does not behave..

I also am aware it is because I have not been out for over three weeks..

Oh well you don't need to hear me moan ...

tell me more about your garden..

Do you have any pets?

take care my friend

Sophia

💛

Hello @Appleblossom

I hope that your son's situation is improving...

Your friend working in pastoral care elsewhere...hopefully you are still able to speak to one another at times..

Connections where trust and loyalty are formed are worthwhile holding onto..

I have one friend with whom we speak over the phone about 3 times a year...Have known her for nearly 30 years..

The number of times we have promised each other that we will catch up this year definitely..my health and family situation have overtaken all lengthy travel..

Something I hope to regain..

Are you still volunteering at the zoo? how often?

That would be wonderful...I could not go anywhere near the reptile areas though..

Take care my friend

Sophia

💛

Hi @Sophia1 I hope you are well.

How are your fingers?

Mine are going blue/white & numb on a regular basis - Cold weather & gripping steering wheel etc.

House Alarm Crisis last week - Fault, Alarm on continuously for over an hour (to start with).

So Callouts & $500 expense for that.

Then Specialist Sleep Dr Appnt.

No Rest for the Wicked (or Good)....

3 Small Aviaries (I have) - Each about 8 feet Long, 6 feet high, 4 feet wide.

Need repairs or replacement (all 3).

3 Large Bird Cages inside.

Yes my Barbary Doves landed on my head, shoulder & arm yesterday (in Aviary) - They were very eager to get to that Egg & Biscuit Mix, that they saw I was holding.

It's for my Canaries & Finches - Many of which will only breed when given Protein supplement, as they are naturally Insectivorous (eat Insects) in the wild.

The Doves don't need any Egg & Biscuit - Yet they've decided that it's "the Best thing since Sliced Bread", so they Scoff the lot....

Many of my established plants (that I planted) have died. I've not planted anything new in many years.

So I just have a few of the hardy Survivors left - Several Grevilleas, Wattles, one Bull Banksia, a Carob tree, several small Euchalypts including a Red-Flowering Gum (Ficifolia), a Pink Flowering Ironbark (leucoxylon)(not small)(10 to 15m), & some lantana montevidensis groundcovers.

Adge

@Sophia1

Son situation is delicate and evolving as I am sure you understand from your love of your own sons.

Online friends have helped me hang in there. A big thank you to you.

Friends and feeling accepted as we are, cannot be taken for granted. Yesterday we missed our redevouz, but later reconnected, then came home and I cooked while he 'conversed' with my son. It has been intense and tricky and I have my heart in my mouth, and my mind pleading with God, a lot concerned about son giving offence and getting along. Newest friend is juggling Covid border restrictions so it is a waiting game for permission from on high. Last night he again suggested he did not understand my lack of confidence in being a woman. I am getting better at holding onto my own self. The damage my mother and her family did was significant.

My old way held a lot of people pleasing as I was very needy. I really could not afford to set limits or boundaries, just hang on and survive the ride. It was not that I had no morals and or ethics. It was simply the world I was thrust into. This week I had a call from a woman I have known for 50 years. Our personalities, politics and education are very different, but there is a lot of loyalty due to going back so far.

I guess I am learning levels of human connection, from distant courtesy, obligation, goodness vs self righteousness, to friendship and affection.

I have not been to the zoo since early last year due to lockdowns.I will always value my volunteering years and retain some connection, but my interest is returning to music making and joining a local church.

hi @Sophia1 hugs my friend, i was wrong they are snap dragons not dragons tongue, here is a photo so you can see.

yes, i get that a lot o go out side and i come straight back in because i don't have the energy or motivation, i don't know if it is the depression or just lack of energy causing it.

yes i get the same here, i get berrated for wearing a mask, people hug and kiss and talk standing side by side here, it is so disheartening. people just refuse to do the right thing, i even had a lady yell at me for wearing a mask.

no, no pets, i had some mice and a bird when i was a teenager, but nothing since, i can't afford to look after a pet, so i don't have one. it would be nice to have a companion, but i manage.

yes @Sophia1 i did the same, i put so much energy into others in real life and the forums and not put myself into these senarios, it can be really energy zapping sometimes, i find just managing what i can do at any given time and be comfortable with that.

hey my virtual mum @Appleblossom yes, i might take on the role as community guide some day, just happy to chat to anyone at the moment and take time out when i need to.

i have a lot of fond memories on this forum, i hope it continues to grow and nurture. it is an amazing space and i have great respect for all the staff involved.

well hugs to both of you, it is cold here and im going to try to get warm.

jacques

Hello @Appleblossom

You have much happening

Some on hold..

Your son is perhaps taking on the man of the house role...

loyalty.. protecting his mum..

there is adjustment for him...

Life has a way of dealing the cards then stepping back and watching

Is communication between self and son easy?

Don't place too much emphasis on them getting on..

they sort it out eventually..

similar to animals circling observing..testing..

Enjoy moments and value what you have.
Notice you and value you. Xxx

I have snapdragons they are still flowering from last summer. I hope that they will survive and regrow..

Depression is extremely draining..

I had a very bad day yesterday..

It just came over me without warning..

Just the waves of being weighed down..

a build up of self.. son's health.. family..

I pushed myself today to go to extended family event for Father's Day for my husband.
It actually went well. For once I felt welcome as me.. I believe that I allowed myself to be me..

I did not worry or think. Just was...

incredible

I have some nagging thoughts now.. can I really trust them? I realise though it does not matter. I do not lose..

I am feeling some change .. more of steps forward.. later perhaps less or even none back..

It really helps to talk about isolating with someone who understands.. I hope that you gain something from our conversations also..

I hope to push myself to go for a little walk tomorrow. Big test.
goodnight @Jacques

sleep tight

you friend Sophia