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Living with Ourselves

Sophia1Senior Contributor

Living with Ourselves

hello @eudemonism @eth @outlander @Bunniekins @Mazarita @Silenus @NameUnknown @Grasshopper3 @patientpatient @soul @Former-Member @Determined @Shaz51 @Former-Member @Friendconnect @Teej @utopia @Queenie @Appleblossom @Zam @perseverer @Janna @Owlunar @Former-Member @Former-Member

First of all I wanted to let you know that I have conversed with all of you at some stage on both sides of the forum..

It was my intention to close two of my threads and change my name in the kindest way for all of you...

I commenced this process on the 12th March and today is the first day that I have access to actually post or respond to anyone....I was in the last couple of days able to register a new name and like some posts...

I am so sorry that my profile ended so abruptly that was definitely not my intention....

In fact if I had done it my way.. instead of thinking would be better to be guided through the process....I would have just written on one of my threads my reason for closing my account tagging you all in....then requested account to be closed and username put to bed so to speak

I have chosen to take this path in order to protect my family's sense of safety .. privacy...health..

Please let me reassure you that this has nothing to do with any members on here...

I have tagged each and everyone of you because you have given me support and invited me into a little of your worlds...priceless experiences...I have felt heard and valued on here....Thank you all so much..

Moving forward ...this is who I am now and hope to be able to converse on the forum living in the now not the past...therefore no mention of my previous username necessary...

If you do not know who I am...that is fine also...perhaps all of the above is not relevant for you..

take care

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In response to: Living with Ourselves

Shaz51Senior Contributor

Re: Living with Ourselves

what a lovely spot @Sophia1 looks soo nice xx

In response to: Re: Living with Ourselves

AppleblossomSenior Contributor

Re: Living with Ourselves

Hey @eudemonism @eth @Bunniekins @Sophia1

Yes the minds capacity for imagination is astonishing. I applied that kind of meditative approach to get through my late 30s to late 40s which were the most painful years so far for me. It can be very effective.

Oooommmm

God Bless

Cioa

or whatever works best for you.

In response to: Re: Living with Ourselves

Sophia1Senior Contributor

Re: Living with Ourselves

hello all folks....back over here in my safe little spot...

@utopia

I wanted to apologise for the timing of my response to you on the rave thread...landed just after you talked about the situation with your mum..

felt so much for you reading how young your mum is...how she is burdened with the difficult diagnosis of fibromyalgia..

I met a family member's husband when overseas last year who has lived with the illness for over 35 years...he is now 70ish...had to retire from work at a young age...their whole life...outings...catchups based around how he was at the time...

very difficult for you to hear those words from your mum....you as a mum yourself are dealing with adjusting to living with so much of your own struggles as well as your growing son...

I do not want to overtalk such a fragile stage in your life...I just want to let you know that I feel so very much for you....am thinking of you..

I myself am dealing with my nearly 92 year old mum who lives in a nursing home now...not wanting to have anything to do with me...she has withdrawn even more within herself...I understand her fears and now not being able to deal with other family member issues when so afraid herself...still very hard for me as a daughter...

talk to me any time you like @utopia ....there are some parallels in your life to mine...

thank you also for your kind responses to me....

In response to: Living with Ourselves

utopiaSenior Contributor

Re: Living with Ourselves

Thank you @Sophia1.
There was no problem with you posting on that thread. I'd said what I needed to and then went to sleep.
A bit of a shock. But I shouldn't be surprised - knowing she is so tired of it all.
Must be so very hard for you with your mum. I've seen that before when I worked in Nursing Homes. Family pulling away from family. It must be painful.
I hope you are able to remember the good times.
I've got to rush and get ready for my psychologist appointment. Need a shower.

In response to: Re: Living with Ourselves

Sophia1Senior Contributor

Re: Living with Ourselves

haha @utopia

needing the shower...following on from previous discussion...

am in a silly mood today..

hope that your psychologist appointment is beneficial for you today..my psychiatrist appointment was very good...he copes well with my being so very deep...

In response to: Living with Ourselves

outlanderSenior Contributor

Re: Living with Ourselves

Hi @Sophia just checking in to see how your going today?

In response to: Re: Living with Ourselves

Sophia1Senior Contributor

Re: Living with Ourselves

hello all

I was very vocal yesterday...spoke up with great passion about a subject that I feel so strongly about..

I am now feeling quite depleted...

surprisingly I feel the old feelings resurfacing..

not being listened to....dismissed....isolated and alone..

I saw similar wording yesterday....this upsets me so

I too am hesitating to post now...withdrawing...

yes these are my feelings...my patterned thinking...still me though...

I do not feel safe now...does not matter how many people reassure me...this is my genuine feeling..

so I question my own safety on here...

I do not want to be told to take time out either...I am not at risk....that is not my meaning of feeling unsafe..

I need to be allowed to continue journalling....if this is taken away from me..then this is no longer a place that welcomes me..

why am I so affected? this is who I am..I feel the pain of others...stand up on my box and speak up for them...they must be heard and valued...

this is such a large part of me...has been my whole life...

so why do I yet again internalise my feelings and attack myself? patterned thinking...behaviour..how I have responded to myself and dealt with such pain in the past...in order to present myself as a daughter....wife...mother...friend...work colleague..

I do not want to go back to doing that... I want to feel safe enough on here to be able to speak up and not be shouted down..

Perhaps I have misunderstood...perhaps my style and deep thoughts do not fit on these forums...perhaps I have said too much...perhaps I should not speak for others....perhaps I will just be quiet..

In response to: Re: Living with Ourselves

outlanderSenior Contributor

Re: Living with Ourselves

hearing you @Sophia1 please dont shut down or be quiet. your voice matters

In response to: Re: Living with Ourselves

Unknown userMember

Re: Living with Ourselves

I am asking the same questions @Sophia1 and feeling like you. You are an inspiration here, strong, genuine and caring. Your voice is heard and speaks for me and others who know how you are feeling and who resonate with you. You speak out when you know something isn't right - which is your right and this helps keep others safe. Honest open communication is encouraged here and that is what you, we are doing. Thank you for being you. You won't go back down - you will grow stronger by the day. We believe in you. Keep being you, open and honest - a beautiful soul who genuinely cares for others and so appreciated and valued here 💞Xx

In response to: Re: Living with Ourselves

ethSenior Contributor

Re: Living with Ourselves

@Sophia1 xx

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