Living with Ourselves

Dear @Sophia1

Just Hello.

Thinking of you and hoping you are alright. You dont have to tag me. I guess you are limiting your time on forum, but I valued your thoughtful posts and missed them.

And also seeing Eude here chatting to you in his thoughtful and humourous way. Your not a dancing bear huh! DOnt be too hard on yourself @eudemonism Balancing self awareness and self acceptance without harsh judgement as we know more of our own mistakes better than anyone.

Take Care both of you.

I am alright. Still caring for my son. Still in the good fight.

No worries @eudemonism

At different times we have different things that resonate or seem right to share with different people.

Just good to see your ideas about where you want to be and how you are balancing things.

None of us are perfect and that juggling act between our ideal selves and what happens in the world goes on ...

I totally hear you. @eudemonism

I dont know much about mental health law and the system re depots. I believe all people can get off it if they are ready. The job seems to be convincing the depot or treatment order staff. Are you on NDIS? Do you have other supports that would "work with" you rather than impose meds on you?

@Appleblossomi suppose it comes down to the system being broken... your reply was not really what i was looking for... but yea the psychologist and psychiatrist are trying their best to help me.... they're always pushing me for the better and for more... but there is not even any recognition or acknowledgment into the fact that the mental health system is broken... so in their eyes... nothing needs fixing and it all comes back to the patient... and controlling the patient... + all i can ever be in myself...

I just had a really bad experience with a lifeline volunteer ~ like I'm sitting here suffering from depot side effects ~ like i do 24/7 365 so i rang to talk with someone and got a really bad experience... it really worked me up aye... I was trying to explain what's going on and i was just getting these messed up questions in return which made me feel like it's all my fault and all my doing...

Hi @eudemonism - I can see that you just had a really tough contact with Lifeline. It can really suck to be disconnected or not "in sync" with the person that picks up the phone when you did a really important thing for your own wellbeing.

A while back a LL crisis supporter/supervisor joined Topic Tuesday and helpfully suggested this in case this kind of thing happens. I encourage you to remember this, it allows you to remain in control and try again with another person:

"PLease know that Lifeline is always there for that voice on the other end of the line. I would like to also let everyone know that if you phone the 13 11 14 service and you find that the crisis supporter is not helpful, it is totally OK to exercise your boundaries and self-care and end the call and 'try again' - not ideal I know but it is the reality of a service with 41 centres around the country that we are not always what you expect in terms of consistency..."

Sorry mate @eudemonism

We have a lot of different life experiences which will mean we see things differently. I have a completely different style to @Sophia1

Perhaps in the variety there is some positive.

I have known a few Schizophrenics in my time and I have been completely over whelmed by hours long complaints about "the system". I try and be honest and realistic about the faults in the system but also encourage people to get the best. Did you know that both my parents and husband had that diagnosis?

I have put a lot of effort over the years into reaching out to others. When I was in my 20s I went on Suicide call out as a volunteer for early days of Link UP and worked on their phone line. I have been on both sides of the fence. It is hard.

Tbh I have rarely gotten what I needed let alone had a specific expectation upon others as to what would fit the bill.

Support is a curious animal.

I wont tag you again if you prefer other people. Its alright.

Hello @eudemonism

I really do wish that I was able to be in touch with you more often...I want to return the support that you have given to me and to others also.

It takes great strength to write about our feelings when we are in a vulnerable state..

I am thinking that you might have been left in a vulnerable state after consulting with two professional medical people...

For me to read that you came away from those appointments feeling that they had no idea of how you feel 365 days a year ..24 hours a day as you mentioned is heartbreaking...

It does not matter what the profession is...if you have tried to seek help to improve your situation...you have taken a step in the right direction for self improvement...

Any person suffering for whatever reason.. be it physical...traumatic ...illness of any nature...must be listened to...

You can write a letter explaining how upset and angry you were that you felt not listened to....tell them that you have written something to emphasise how you feel..hand them the letter to read in front of you..

Best to omit expletives and name calling as tempted as you might feel and personally I can understand you feeling that way...You can make another appointment to see one or both or a gp...You are entitled to be heard...

The main point is that by doing this you make a double impact about your feelings....especially your symptoms...impact on your life...the fact that you are willing to be compliant with your medication and desperately want to come off of the depot injection..

I have been back to a psychiatrist who omitted to make an appointment for me with someone else whilst he was away for 5 months....It was at a time in my life where I had only just been told of my symptoms of long term depression..dissociation stuff...I ended up in hospital for some time..They doped me up to the eyeballs in medication leaving me shuffling around like a zombie..My husband demanded they discharge me and I saw another psychiatrist..When the 5 months were up I rang up and I made an appointment to tell him what had happened and how it had impacted on me..

He was mortified when he read it and apologised profusely...He also thanked me for giving him the opportunity to apologise... I continued to see him for another nine years...

Sometimes even professional people forget that we are there because we are suffering...they mess up...

Lifeline yes there are people who I just tell now that I really do not think that this is working for me. I shall hang up and ring back to speak to someone else...This does not mean that it is your fault....They are not connecting with you...

Writing helps you...I read in one of your recent posts...This I remember...

This is a gift that you have... Keep it up...

My family member said to me in one of his conversations when he was calm that he too made notes...I had said that I write so much down...he laughed and said he does the same...I said I have large notebooks full..He laughed too...

Do you have lots of notes of your thoughts?

Eude I believe that most people on the forums are genuine...

I think how @Appleblossom explained it was spot on...

Yes our styles are different...what a relief....we are not text books we are living breathing creatures who can actually express how we feel..

There are many many in this world who cannot...who are not even aware of the concept of talking about feelings...emotions..

There is still much going on in my life ...my lower back is playing up now...so temporary relapse....has brought back my depression which has been lurking there for some time...

Family member and other relatives...

Friends with the dreaded C in and out of hospital and now a friend who has been officially diagnosed with Alzheimers Disease...

Life is such a valuable commodity..

Will check in when I can..

In the meantime please keep on writing...tag others who you feel comfortable with as well.

Big hug Eude...I do care 💚💜💛🐾🙀

Ok thanks @Former-Member now i know I'll keep that in mind. I did think this. But also thought their pushing me away...

I try to be as respectful and considerate as i can toward all people in the mental health line of work. Because i know they're just people with their own lives and woes.

What it boils down to. Is myself being rather overwhelmed with 'everything ' and being stuck... and feeling i need a some support to point me in the right direction...