Living with Ourselves

Hello @Zoe7

Accepting our limitations I think is another phrase used...

When our emotional health is draining us...there is no energy available to tend to mundane household chores....can in fact further exacerbate how we already feel..

Good that you recognise this....doing what you can when you can..Just walk straight past without even glancing and close the door...you are more important than chores...

as you have probably worked out...I am so very deep in my thinking...

spontaneity is my favourite .....

humour is my saving grace...

sharing these with others is so beautiful....your humour and lightheardtedness at times has been an absolute joy....

thank you for those moments...I hope to share many more as they pop up ...

I dont even remember which thread we were on...something drew me there...I am sure I will find your humour again

I think those funny times were spent on the Am Not Coping thread @Sophia1 and there may have been a little in one of the birthday threads. you are more than welcome to join in the conversation on ANC thresd anytime - there are often light hearted moments which really help to distract me when I need it.

I am definitely beginning to learn how to say No to things both on the forum and irl @Sophia1 - my physical and mental states often means I cannot do things I would really like to - and at other times I push myself to do things knowing the consequences - but am finding a much better balance I think.

I have spent so much of my life working hard to avoid thinking or feeling and now that I have soooo much time on my hands it is hard not to think about everything - this has been a major factor in me not being able to return to work - my past is too vivid in my present life and being physically unwell still it makes it harder to do things to distract from my thoughts. It seems when one (physical or mental) begins to improve then the other gets worse again ...hoping that both will begin to heal in a way that leads me back to work sooner rather than later.

I too look forward to sharing our humour and some lighthearted moments again soon...

Hi @Zoe7@Sophia1

I am sure to forget something here but I agree - humour is a saving grace - mine too - what would we do without it

And I remember when my reactive depression was at its worst I could hardly get out of bed - it felt like a week's work just getting up to get my dressing gown and walk into the lounge to sit down and rest - I relied on closed doors as well - esp the kids' rooms - they were bad days - for me it's in the past now but for people living this experience right now - well yes - back in the 70s and 80s no one told me to accept my situation but I can confirm this today - we need to fit life into what we can do - not try and fit ourselves into life

Finding that balance is always hard but we can - learning by trial and error - is there any other way - I have plenty of time too but seem to fill it - and definitely looking forward to your humour again Zoe

Sending hugs my friends

Dec

hello @Zoe7

yes I had forgotten the name....is that the one where you talk with faith and hope each night....? a great support system for you....turning it around for faith as well with you helping her at the same time with interaction..

birthday threads does make sense as is a fun subject...

I am remembering something about many forum members meeting up somewhere in reality...or that might have been another conversation...

mental and physical do go hand in hand...as you are finding out...yes limits as much as we don't want them are important for our overall bodies...

I wasn't aware that you were still physically unwell...sorry to hear that...I remember you were having a series of tests and at that time I don't think there was a diagnosis...more a result of a build up of sleepless nights?...maintaining regular meals...sheer exhaustion...?

I was on extended sick leave through more trauma and bullying at work...eventually retiring..not wanting to go down the workcover scenario...

then of course they found the tumour by accident...that is another story ...another time...

I hope that you have a correct diagnosis now and are on your journey to recovery bumps and all...

whenever I think of new beginnings...changes in direction...reading others stories on here..I often think of a butterfly..

I hope that your metamorphis process has begun...

Yes ANC thread is where I talk to F&H the most @Sophia1 - she has been like an anchor for me over the time I have been on here - it is indeed a special bond we share But there have been many, many more supports here along the way - I could not name them all because I would certainly miss someone out and that would not make me feel good - you have been one of those supports @Sophia1 - sometimes the smallest contributions mean so much at the time they are made

There was some discussion about members meeting irl - as much as this sounds like something that many would like to do I can see a lot of negatives - and the biggest negative I can see is around inclusion - not all members would be able to travel (or could afford to) and that would then make those that already feel 'left-out' in this world more left out. I can also see that what makes this forum so great is the anonymity aspect - it is essential for many of us to be ourselves and seek support and for some that would be detrimental to lose.

I still have fatigue and muscle aches and pains @Sophia1 - and more headaches than I would like The fatigue during the day is defintiely a result of how badly my body has deteriorated over the last 2 years but also a result of me being so unwell for so long. I am susceptible to 'picking up' anything that is going around and so need to be mindful around people that are sick. I even sit away from the waiting room at the gp to avoid 'sick' people lol The recovery from the physical side of things is very slow and very gradual - like learning a new skill - it takes time to learn and re-adjust.

I quite like to think of everyone here eventually being butterflies - able to find their true self and then being able to soar - that is a hope we can all hold onto

@Owlunar @Zoe7

spot on with no fluffy phrases or quotes in past decades...

the mask fitted very tightly for so many years of my life....worked in autopilot with household chores...shopping..cooking...blah blah blah...the same for so many of us especally those of us bringing up children where parents separated....again there were many of us....frowned upon by some of society as well..

I had some wonderful moments with friends at that time of my life...we had spontaneity...humour...silliness..I often helped my friends with washing..housework...even gardening...shopping together stopped it being a chore...our children played together...we all went out together...

I have become very fond of one of my teddy bears....he reminded me of child teddy bear whose fur was rubbed off from so many cuddles...during these last years with disociation and depersonalisation I am told they are called...this teddy bear has helped ground me...he is the replacement for my soul cat whom I know you have heard me talk about...gone two years now...he used to lay with me and we cuddled each other...he was vocal also...so we talked to each other at times...a very special animal I bought from the animal shelter aged 4 at the time..

these moments also remind me of you Zoe....your love and closeness with Toby and can't remember cat's name...also cheerbear hugs a bear? is that right @CheerBear?

@Owlunar @Zoe7 I am thinking that you cannot plan spontaneity...you cannot contrive that instant humour that follows from a comment enabling us to feel lighthearted ..so hopefully I will find each of you when the time happens..

have to give another reply to someone who has kindly thought of me...then a break as cant sit long..

hope to hear from you both when and if you can...when I am further down the line in my recovery I shall seek you both out...unless of course I see your names pop up....

thank you both

loneliness is for the the hardest part in all of this....here come the dratted tears xx

I call cat Cat on here @Sophia1 - she has an unusual name and would be easily recognised by anyone who knew me

I do hope you seek me out when you feel like it @Sophia1 I do really enjoy chatting to you (tag me anytime and visit ANC thread when/if you need extra support - we are only too happy over there to provide it for anyone ) It is the thread I feel the safest - and most 'at home' on but I am starting to venture out around the forum a little more these days ...baby steps are working and I am feeling much safer on the forum as a whole again.

Take care of yourself today @Sophia1 and I look forward to our next catch-up - will be thinking of you

@Zoe7

had to laugh....how can I forget the name of your cat....Cat!!!

pleased to hear that you are now feeling safer...well done you...it does take hard work and perseverance...you have so much support because you are you..always remember that..

I am hiding over here for the present...very emotional still...so if you have a spare moment...flutter past and leave me a brief hello....

this is for you...if it works laugh..

Hello @Sophia1 lol

I have time this morning so happy to sit with you and chat.

Do you have any plans for the rest of today? I have one major plan - to do nothing - then I will be super excited if I actually manage to do something lol - how is that for positive thinking

@Zoe7@Sophia1

I like chatting too and there are times when I do not want any fluffy phrases and being told to "Have a nice day" - sometimes feel ordered too - makes me want to say "I have other plans" but I have noticed people tend to say "All the best" now and this is easier to take

When it comes to meeting with people irl I hesitate - twice I have done this and it has been a state of Paradise Altered - the person in real life was nothing like the person who was open and honest in the Forum and I prefer the anonymity here - sometimes I feel it would be wonderful to meet but - um yeah - perhaps not

Companion Cat is not my cat's really name either - her nickname is Buttons - add ons - Fluffy Pants and Furry Face - perhaps you with the whiskers or you with the fur coat - she answers to my voice and the tone of it rather than her name though around the age of twelve - two or more years ago - she started to answer to her real name

Time for a shower - I got up early today - and this is a good start - perhaps it could become a good habit

Dec