The Virtual Village - a space for parenting 'stuff'

I'm not sure if this should go here. I haven't posted here before. I'm a newish mum- have a 1 year old. It's taken some time for me to really love him. I feel bad about that but being honest and I think it had a lot to do with our rough start. He has grown on my everyday though I can confidently now say he's my greatest achievement ever.. but.. I've been having some bad thoughts lately. Intense and relentless some days. I was thinking about what is different about those days that it's worst and actually they're the days that are the best. It seems the more I enjoy him the more I have these intrusive thoughts. It feels backwards so I was wondering if anyone else has experienced this? Why would this be happening? I don't want to do what the thoughts say but it is very very overwhelming

@destructive unfortunately I don't have any advice on why this happens but I can tell you you are not alone. Do you have anyone to support you in this?

Reaching gout here is a big start.

My wife struggled with this with our youngest (now 4) for some time, it was heart breaking to watch 😥 Bub used to go everywhere with me. Even uni and work. I was fortunate to have that flexibility. And support from our parents.

I am happy to say that this for us has passed. Darling now misses our little man when he goes to kindy. I say this as encouragement for you because with support it can pass.

Wish there was something else I could say but just wanted you to know that you had been heard and in some way understood.

👋 @Determined

Hi @destructive ....

@Determined is right, posting here is a great start, because peer support is so important to coping in our challenges, but so too is professional support when things get too overwhelming.

Have you heard of PANDA - Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Australia ?
https://www.panda.org.au/

They might be able to give you some more answers about why this is happening, and provide you some strategies for managing in those moments.

I am glad @Determined has had some experiences in his family to share with you. It really helps to know we are not alone.

Thanks @Determined sorry you and your wife went through this. I actually love spending time with him, which is lucky because I'm a single mum, but it seems the better the day the worse the instructive thoughts.

@Faith-and-Hope thanks for the reply. I just emailed panda and asked the same question really. I do have a therapist but I struggle to talk in therapy and I'm actually feeling a bit disconnected from her lately..

Hopefully PANDA will be able to provide you some answers and support. You might find it easier to write than talk @destructive ..... it's whatever works for you.

Had an email response from PANDA who said they could offer one call to link me in with support because they only work with mums of bubs under 1 and my boy just turned one. I already see a psych so didn't call but I've been thinking about it a lot and hopefully I can bring it up at my psych appointment Thursday. I think it's because I've never actually loved anybody before (other than my dogs) and I guess that triggers something in me. Maybe part because I don't ever want to hurt him but feel like I can't help that with my crazy and then maybe because if you love someone/something you can loose that too. It's hard because I'm not sure how I can cope with those thoughts if they keep growing. He doesn't have a dad and I can't bare the thought of leaving him without a mum as well so it's not like I want to act on them but I'm sure some others have just had that time where thoughts build and build and you can't keep ignoring them. Also I know sometimes I don't feel completely in control mod myself when I self harm so what if that happened for something more significant. It does worry me.

i know it's off topic but my other challenge with this is that my therapist just got a receptionist. Firstly I didn't know until I had someone else confirm my appointment last session and then respond to my email after. The therapist use to manage all her own communication. It made me anxious to not know there was a change but also because I use to sometimes email her if there was something I couldn't say but now I'll be too anxious to do that because I don't know what the receptionist has access to. And if the thoughts were too big one day and I needed to message or call I couldn't because I'd have to go through the receptionist I guess. That makes me too anxious ... anywho I'm rambling

hello @destructive , @CheerBear , @Faith-and-Hope , @Determined , @Former-Member , @Anastasia , @Bunniekins

our children are always our Babies , when they are young or old xoxo

Thank you for tagging me here @Shaz51

❤️
I 100% agree.

Always a challenge mixed between the good. 🙂

hugs my @Former-Member , @CheerBear , @destructive , @Faith-and-Hope , @Determined , @Anastasia . @Bunniekins

Hope you are well? @Shaz51

❤️