The Virtual Village - a space for parenting 'stuff'

Hello @Faith-and-Hope

Yes, I see the same issue here too. 'It's my way or the highway'. If I try to be objective and point out the damage it's causing with particarly one child (not biological son) he states I'm being a psychologist and that it's all about me. He then shuts off after this. And no resolve happens. He says he's just the pay check. I'm not all this type of person and I believe he knows this. I'm not sure he would take upon couples counselling and I'm wary because in previous relationship I had a very bad experience with this to an abusive partner.
At this point in time I'm unsure where this will honestly go. 😞

@Determined I hear you, 'choose my battles'. This has predominantly been my approach. And Thank you. 🙂Now I see it causing a lot of damage with one child. And the other is silent. (Both unbiologicsl sons).The other learning unhealthy responses from (biological father). It's not good. I try as I've mentioned to essentially be mediator but it falls into criticism etc etc, Leaving no wins, more hate and I in turn hurt, tired and left to strive for harmony any way possible. I can't start to believe the put downs. It encroaches upon my self worth. I've done a lot of work to be who I am today.

Oh @Former-Member ..... so much of that is eerily familiar .... almost word-for-word .....

I don't have the blended family in my home, although my D2 is now being "claimed" for time with her (grrrr) father and new partner despite being an adult, as she has a disability. For my mind, considering that he hardly had anything to do with her prior to suddenly taking over her attention just prior to leaving, even that is all about control, not having to pay maintenance, and pushing me aside from my place in my own family.

I am not sorry I took up that peacemaker role to try to ensure safe passage for our children, but it is imperative that you don't take on the put-downs. I simply answered, "tthat's not very nice" when I started being on the receiving end of those in recent years, which is something the kids can hold on to. It's calling out his behaviour, which they will remember when they are older, but there is not much he can say in return, because it isn't very nice ..... he is not being very nice..

Yes. I'm incredibly sorry @Faith-and-Hope this has happened. Ie:being pushed out of family role.

I understand this. Very hard.

Ive tried talking more in my case but it seems to go nowhere in the end.
I don't know what to do anymore.

I can't burden friends anymore.

It's an incredibly hard place to sit alone and I have contemplated giving up my course.

I think all of this is taking up my time so much. It upsets me that I can't focus when I do have time to focus.

I hate the tension.

I hate having my words twisted around so it's me pushing him out etc etc. it goes on.

I feel so sad and sorry.

I got rid of one social media account to protect my feelings right now.

So familiar @Former-Member .....

That's when I found the forums, and they have sustained me through all of this. So glad to see you back here ..... that support and self-care is so necessary.

My course is helping give me something else to focus on at the moment, and throw myself into. I hope you can persevere with yours, for you ❣️ It's something he is not a part of, and that's important.

Hugs 💜🌷💕

Morning @Faith-and-Hope

I think you are right. We discussed more and I got really upset but fingers cross some change may result.

He can say mean things. And I took upon board to use your line, 'that's not very nice'. 😉

I am going to continue my course, even if I don't use my degree.

Its not an area everyone embarks upon. 'The ready made circle' is full of critics that don't look upon reliable sources. I.e: I think the nuts and bolts of their sources are FB! 😂

I realised I've no more room for fake people from my ready made circle to invade any longer.

I got rid of social media for now and am going to focus on looking after me.

Like you said sometimes to the point of being 'clinically polite'. 🙂

It will let the nosey ones know they can't make false judgements.

Like you P family is so like that.

I don't mind being alone after all I have my kids, so essentially I'm not really.

Well I have an online test today!

Have a wonderful day.

Hugs right back at you! 😉❤️

Stay strong @Former-Member .... and all the best with your test 💕

Good luck with the test @Former-Member

Good morning @Determined @Faith-and-Hope

Thank you. I completed the test. I think I went ok.

Never the less happy it's complete and now I can start on my next assignment.

How are you both?

I woke feeling heavy and with a headache. Rather a feeling akin to grief.

P was out nearly whole night. Social isolation isn't easy for him.
I see a lot of people struggling in this pandemic. Self isolation I have not minded so much, as the perfect reason exists not to socialise when I rather not!
Ive had time to reflect and will be silent before speaking going forward.

And maybe keeping it that way.

I hope you both have a lovely day and find something that makes you smile. 🙂