The Virtual Village - a space for parenting 'stuff'

@Faith-and-Hope,

Thank you that does help. I just really struggle with thoughts of regret of having kids and not being good mother, to feelings of guilt because of regret. I have no motivation and find no joy in life at moment so feel I am not providing fun loving environment that they need as kids. I am just going through the motions, ensuring they are fed, clothed and house is reasonable. I want to run away or have thoughts that if I got hurt or sick I don't care. I love my kids but I am struggling at the moment.

@CheerBear

@Shaz51

Thank you @Faith-and-Hope. Yes you are right. Even in families without mental health issues children/teens can say they don't love us or want to live with us etc. I have to remember that more and try not to put all the blame on myself, but to accept it's also those growing years of teenagehood.

@K-E-T You are not alone in those thoughts.

Hug ❤

I experienced something similar when my older children were very young @K-E-T .... and let me tell you that they have turned out to be mighty fine adults.

Nobody is perfect .... there is no perfect parenting model ..... just keep taking care of the kids with as much love for them as you can experience in the moment, whether it's happy love or sad love or any other kind of love, it's the love that really counts. Kids have a lot of insight as adults. They can see in their mind's eye as adults what was happening in their world as kids, and apply their adult reasoning to what you were going through, and understand in hindsight that you were doing the best you could under the circumstances.

There is something called Maslow's Heirarchy of Needs .... it's a pyramid.

On the base is the fact that we need our material needs met - food, drink, a roof over our heads, somewhere to sleep ..... next comes safety and security, in whatever form that means, but it is usually that a parent is present, and the child won't be left abandoned ... that someone will know if they fall over and scrape their knee, or if their tummy hurts, and will take action to help them.

Next comes a sense of belonging, of having people, and a sense of home.

Self-esteem grows from these things, and is usually supported in the school environment and by a sense of community somewhere in their life, in whatever form that finds itself.

When you look at these things, it becomes clear that the baseline is usually being met, and beyond that we might be comparing ourselves to media ideas of what comprises a "perfect" family environment. There ain't no such thing ....

If you are feeling too down to be upbeat for the kids, put on some upbeat music in the background. Provide them drawing and art materials ..... some scrap paper and coloured pencils is enough to start with ..... and musical instruments .... creative things like playdough and lego-type blocks .... because part of being a child is to reach inside themselves and let their creativity and imagination out. You don't have to be the driver of these things. Just provide facility and a little encouragement. It goes a long way.

Place things that are interesting and / or joyful around the home, like seashells, mobiles, a small vase of flowers ..... do it for you as much as for them.

Cyber hugs .... you're here talking about it .... you'll do okay .... 🌷💜

Attagirl @utopia .... 💗

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope You'll Never Walk Alone (YNWA for short) could be a forum theme song

😊💚🐸 ..... 👍

@frog

Thank you @CheerBear

Thanks @CheerBear