The Virtual Village - a space for parenting 'stuff'

Hi @frog. I just wanted to reaffirm much of what @Faith-and-Hope wrote.......(except I didn’t know that when I was in the thick of it). I lost control a fair bit. I had 4 teenage boys at one point and I can honestly say those few years were the hardest I ever had parenting. My youngest has perhaps been the benefactor of me dealing with it better......more like @Faith-and-Hope. He still really tested me at times. Went through the whole grunting stage and I know everything and mum is a dinosaur who knows nothing.

From looking at the other side now and seeing them as adults (youngest is 18) I’m often amazed at how they turned out. I would never have predicted it from their teenage years. I think the biggest thing is to keep open lines of communication. I think I tried a bit for positive communication at times by asking them fail proof questions like when you know they’ve done something well ask them how the felt about it or just make a comment along those lines. I think with the last one I often told him I was on his side (had his back) but that didn’t mean I condoned all his behaviour more that I was there to try and help him navigate his world responsibly. From reading this you’d think I had my act together but I didn’t at all, especially for my youngest. I was often depressed in bed and they had to fend for themselves. Some days I couldn’t communicate at all. Some days I’d end up in hospital and put them through hell.

A teacher told me when I was having troubles with one of mine at 10 that I just needed to stick to my values with him and he’d turn out ok. I struggled to see that until he was an adult. It’s pretty awesome to see it now with him. I also need to add that one of mine had a different path and I struggle with some of his choices. He is still very much part of our family and rings me at least once a week and comes to visit usually once a week. I don’t initiate any of this. He’s been out of home for 5 yrs since 16.

Lastly it helps lots of they have a village to help them. For mine they had a few. Perhaps in the strangest ways it was the football club who provided my kids with good role models and support. I don’t think it matters what they are into if they have connections with others it helps get through those teenage years. For some kids that’s online gaming, music, art, sport, clubs etc. The one who had the hardest time had another family that helped hugely and took him in when he needed it.

Mine have all had time living away from home now and it does bring a different dynamic but a positive one. You tend to make it quality time when you see each other.

Sorry for the long post.

@Twinklelight I’m sorry I havent many parenting tips for organising etc. I was a chaotic mum with no routine. I’m not really sure how my kids got through. I did get through by having a supportive school (especially the school secretary who probably knew my home number from memory 😳). When I was really unwell one of the teachers gave my son a pair of shoes because he’d grown out of his which was huge and I was very touched and grateful. The schools were really fantastic at picking up the pieces and provided much stability through a crucial time for me.

Hi all,

Just wondering if anyone has tips for getting kids to do homework my son is five and in prep but I am over the stress trying to get him to do his homework takes.

It's amuses people that I have this issue and need help after having already raised my 5 younger siblings

Hi @Former-Member

Just jumping in here - I can't help with getting a 5yo in prep to do homework because I actually think that getting a 5yo in prep to do homework is a little ridiculous and the teacher's problem and not yours

At five a child isn't ready - I can't even imagine what the teacher expects a child to learn outside school that they haven't learned in the classroom

I suggest you approach the teacher about this - in my memory it seemed to me that we spent the whole day playing in preps - prep is preparation for school - getting used to a programme of class time, playtime, learning to read a little and perhaps learning how to behave in the classroom

Don't worry about it - but ask the teacher -

Personally I wonder a lot about the use of homework for children under Grade 5

I understand that this is not easy for you

Dec

@Former-Member what kind of homework is it? My daughter is 5 y/o in Prep also and she is only required to read her reader each night. My partner or I sit with her to do it, try to make it into something fun, and afterwards she draws a smiley face to show how she felt about that story. I think because I try to get excited about it, she gets a little excited about it and doesn't see it as "work" or a chore so to speak. Sorry I couldn't be more help!

Great idea @Wedgetail99 xx

Hi @Owlunar and @Wedgetail99,

Yes I agree that preps shouldn't do homework buy when I didn't get him to do it in first term I got asked in to have a meeting with the teacher and principle for them to tell me that I need to help him learn by getting him to do his homework especially since he is apparently falling behind and they made me feel like that I am to blame for that.

I have tried to make it fun for him but he just kicks up a stink cause he can't do it.

He is currently waiting to be tested for dyslexia but my area has a waiting list for the paediatrics specialist and I not traveling all the way to lady cilento just for to be seen quicker.

The school knows of this as they sent the request for the referral to his dr. l was also told he would receive some extra help while we wait but it is yet to happen. But I also don't like that they are trying to put a 'label' on him

He has a home reader and weekly activities sheets and sight words.

I just don't know what else to do to get him to do it. I tried fun, stickers, money, bribes, punishments, everything I can think of to pursuade him to try.

I understand @Former-Member - I had similar problems with both of my children and they were different for each child but the child has to understand the reasons for the work they are supposed to do or it just isn't important

I understand that a dyslexic child needs extra help but I doubt that he understands that at 5 and really - I believe until he wants to do the extra work that it is a living nightmare to get them to comply

I forget how old my son was when we realised that he (among other physical problems) had no depth perception and he needed to wear glasses and do eye-exercises and at maybe 8 he wouldn't cooperate and eventually I let the whole thing go - he lived in a two-dimensional world for the rest of his life and was clumsy and walked into things constantly but I can only see that as his choice even if he didn't understand all of it.

I assume your son doesn't understand dyslexia - and that's the base of the issue - sure he is falling behind but until you can get him into a special programme for dylexic children fighting with him about it is only setting up further problems and I do understand and sympathise having been there - it's time to talk to the principal that it is not productive until he sees the paedriatrics specialist and have advice from them - I doubt that his future will be trashed waiting a few months now - rather it is just hard on the relatioship you have with him now - I feel that being gentle and understanding with him is better at this stage and yes - I have been through all the teachers' knowing better and it can be a real challenge

My second child is left-handed - big deal - who cares - her kindergarten teaching told me to stop teaching her because I was doing it wrong - the truth was this child was teaching herself and could hardly wait to learn but her left-handed brain was causing her to do mirror-writing - everything completely in reverse - I could read what she wrote when I held it up to the mirrow - I ignore the kindergarten teacher

Next step - Preps - and disaster - a left-handed child - so what - I told the teacher to let her write with her left hand because I didn't care - the world is full of left-handed people and I was actually furious and my daughter is an artistic person whose only problem with left-handedness is that using a cheque book can be problematic {until they make left-handed cheque books I suppose}

Anyway - my stories are my stories and I hear yours - dyslexia is an area I know little about and does have problems for the future but my suggestion is to leave it until you can get him assessed and I wish you the best - I do know the frustrations of teachers though and how they will try and lay a guilt trip onto parents who usually do their best

Keep in touch BabyDragon - you have so much on your plate and I do understand - oh dear - how much is laid on parents - and we are only the expert on our child - we have to be all we can for them but only in the area of our own expertise

Dec

My only helpful suggestion is to read to him as much as possible - he will learn a great deal just listening to stories he loves to hear

@Owlunar, because we are moving soon I decided to wait till he starts at his new school before tackling his issues with homework again.

Apart from knowing that they write stuff back to front, dyslexia is an unknown area to me too. As I have only had experience with autism and adhd when I raised my siblings.

I actually can write with both hands because of teachers attitudes towards me using my left hand. When I was in foster care I spent almost 6 months in a church childrens Home and went to the Catholic school next door. Every time I used my left hand they hit me with the ruler and tell me that the left hand is the devil hand