The Virtual Village - a space for parenting 'stuff'

Thank you @CheerBear for the call out , my children i looked after and my step children are all adults no but I love to help out with any questions xxc

@Snowie, @Former-Member, @Twinklelight, @Faith-and-Hope

Thanks @Former-Member for your post. Sometimes I feel like it's just me feeling like I'm not coping on the home front. I have to remind myself that surviving is no small thing! I have 2 big kids in a tiny space (1 bedroom unit) so it's not surprising that we get on each other's nerves. My teenage boy has the bedroom because I thought it would help all of us if he had somewhere to retreat to. It hasn't really worked out that way. My daughter does her best to be positive - she says we have a roof over our heads, food, warm beds and each other. I have to remind myself what's important sometimes. My daughter has the little landing and is desparate to move out. I'll miss her but she needs to spread her wings.

@Faith-and-Hopeany teenage-boy-wrangling-tips most welcome! He's downright belligerent.

Everyday tips? I'm not feeling at the top of my game at the minute, but I'm learning that it's ok to lower my expectations and just get through it sometimes. Toast for dinner is not a disaster. We had toast and mushrooms (bonus!) tonight .

Hello @Twinklelight @CheerBear @Shaz51 @Snowie Hope everyone's having an ok evening.

Hi @CheerBear and friends

I'm sorry that I'm only just jumping on now.

I have just had to move house suddenly, so that has been stressful by itself.

To add to it, my BPD has been hell and my 4 year old has been having amazing tantrums over the tiniest of issues..... No, you can't have icecream coz I can't get to the damn freezer 😑

I saw my psychologist this arvo and just burst into tears (which isn't me at all).

I got to the point where I didn't want my child yesterday. I wanted to give up all together.

Today, I dropped her at her usual Wednesday child care and came home to sleep. I simply couldn't face anything or anyone.

@frog Wow! All of you are doing it really tough, that must be so so hard on you

Are you able to move onto two bedrooms at least somewhere if you don’t mind me asking? Or are personal circumstances preventing that. I am so sorry the situation is like that. You’re daughter sounds very positive for all of you. So right she is! you have each other I’ve often said to my daughter whatever happens what happened we have each other and if anything ever happens again- I know we will be ok with survival no matter what.

when we didn’t have housing I asked a family member to mind my daughter and I sleep in my car but gratefully people that helped us didn’t let that happen. Though prior it was couch surfing from house to house after leaving a bad environment and a tiny one bedroom then which had mould,my bed was in the lounge room We did it and we managed. Really feel for you reading this. You are still going and that’s enough right now.

hope you and the kids are ok tonight xx

We're hanging in there thanks @Former-Member I'm glad we have this place. Sounds like you know all about housing hassles. It's important to give ourselves credit for getting through it and still look for positives however small. The kids are upstairs, and downstairs is a single room including kitchen. I sleep under the stairs. Just waiting for my letter from Hogwarts now!

Sure do @frog It’s good you have housing

Just a quick pop-in here .....

Hugs for those who need them. Sounds like it was a difficult day for many .....

@frog teens (baby dragons) can be infuriating. Just remember that most are on rocket fuel at this age and can get really rude .... their mouth runs away with them. Your job is to keep the boundaries. Be polite when they are rude. Repeat requests for polite behaviour. Don’t rant, but forgive yourself if you do .... try to keep it short and sweet when communicating, and ignore sullen, sulky carry-on. They sort of turn into a horrible version of themselves for a while, but they want to know that you love them anyway, and will keep pushing back against their crap with firmness and love. Don’t worry, you will get peeks of gorgeous humour, and tanties, and cleverness, that remind you how much you do love them .... but all of this is because they are incubating to be grown ups.

Golden rule - be polite to them, even if it’s icy polite .... and make deals with them .... they usually like deals .... “I will do this for you, but I want you to do that for me .... deal ?” Then you will find them making deals with you ..... negotiating the boundaries instead of screaming about them.

Good advice @Faith-and-Hope I have to say, staying polite is challenging. I read that adolescence is like a (almost) grown up version of toddlerhood... the terrible teens, eh?

@frog .... yep

ifypucan work your way around the hissy-fits, they can also be a real delight.

They generally try to throw off authority, so if you come down all controlling in them you end up with mega power struggles. That’s where deals come in. They get to manage some decisions, but it’s supported, guided, communicates about, so they don’t feel like they have to take the bit in their teeth so much.

Don’t be afraid of saying, “Our conversation didn’t turn out so well before. Can we try again ? I am trying to listen to you and y derstand what you want, but it’s important that you listen to me too .... we want a win-win situation here, right ? Respect has to go both ways.”

Its like they are learning to drive a new car..... and they are a real cocktail of hormones and emotions. Be as patient as you can, and give yourself “time-outs” ..... and let them know you are giving yourself time-outs, and it’s ojay for an adult to do that.

Out of tgecorner of their eye they are trying to learn from you. That might come in the form of criticism as they often become very moralistic, and realise that their parents are not perfect, mistakenly thinking that we need correcting (lol) .... tp which you can say, “I will think about what you said ....”, again, Rome-modelling about how to accept criticism graciously.

Good luck 😏

Here to help if / when I can .... but of course nobody has all the answers.

Hello @frog, @Faith-and-Hope, @CheerBear, @Former-Member, @CrazyTiger

When I was 17 and living with mum in a very small house , one day my aunty and her 4 children moved in with us , I lost my bed and us teenagers slept on mattresses, it was very crowded, but @Faith-and-Hope had a great advice , we had our ups and downs but my mum and aunty did amazing job with soo many teenagers , and to find how hard it was for them but we were together @frog xxxxx