Topic Tuesday**closed** // 24 Nov, 7pm AEDT // Taking control of anger, and not letting anger control you

hi @Mosaic my husband said it is very hard to see someone going off and telling them to calm down and today`s society has a lot to do with being angery to

Hey @Former-Member,

@Appleblossom brought up the point of expressing anger, which she is working on with her therapist.

I think it's pretty important to understand how to express anger. @Former-Member can you tell us what are some of the ways you express your anger? Passive? Aggressive? Assertive?

yes my husband finds it tricky with anger , with what the clients say , with work and family members

Wow @Appleblossom it sounds like that was a really powerful experience and you found some new ways to express your anger that works for you.

As @chookmojo said and @Shaz51 agreed, sometimes we can feel angry because we are trying to defend our boundaries and protect ourselves or someone you care about in some way.

It can be helpful to speak to a therapist or psycholosit about anger if you find the anger outbursts to be confusing. The psychologist can be a helpful way to better understand your anger, identify potential triggers, and develop more helpful strategies and techniques to manage and express your emotions in a healthy way.

I'm also interested in what @CherryBomb refers to: different forms of expressing anger. From the obvious aggressive way, through passive aggression (what is that really?) and then assertiveness (some people's ideas of assertiveness seem to be aggressive to me). Where is the balance with these things I wonder.

Hi everyone,

Sorry i am late, i jusst got in from working in the shed.

I often find myself getting angry at seeing people happy, the rage i feel, i often feel like doing something to make them upset, i am able to control the urge, but it is very difficult, i think it has something to do with not being able to experiance happyness myself, i don't want others too either.

I have problems with controlling my anger at times, i have broken 2 knuckles punching timber, i am so fristrated and enraged at the situation i have got myself into i don't know how to release it in a constructive way, i think that is where the SH comes in to, the rage and anger i feel at myself, i should be stronger than i am and should be like other people.

hi @lisajane the psychologist has not seen my husband for so many weeks , finally got a call today to see a new psychologist

Yes @CherryBomb

It is important to understand how we as individuals tend to express our anger. In general, people may have a tendency to express their anger in either a passive or aggressive way.

Being aggressive often means that we violate the rights of others. We might intimidate, humiliate or disregard the needs of others in order to get our own way. On the other hand, being passive means we violate our own rights. For example, we may struggle to speak up about an issue that is important to us, even though we feel angry. This can lead to feelings of resentment, hostility, bitterniss or spite, and these feelings may spill out from time to time.

A healthier way to express our anger is by being assertive about our wants and needs. A common misconception is that in order to be assertive, one has to be aggressive, but that is not so. Being assertive means confidently communicating your needs in a clear, direct and respectful way, while being prepared to negotiate with others. When we are assertive we respect both our own needs and the needs of others.