FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Recovery Club

Niquas Notes

Niquas Notes

I thought I might try some 'journalling' . Just write a little blurb out each day, basically what I'm already doing . . . just giving it a name . . a title, I suppose? But to give it some 'umph' in my head I'm going to try & remember how to start a new thread & call it 'Niquas Notes' 🙂
It's not even 11.30am & I'm having a tomatoe & onion sandwich for lunch 🙂 I think I've been forgetting to 'get around' to a few meals lately. It's pretty good 🙂
I think I need to go into town today & check the post office, I may have a parcel to collect (evil ebay again!). I might get some meat while I'm in there (probably sausages ;)), I don't think I've had a lot of it lately - though I had Tuna in some fried rice the other night 🙂 Pretty sure I've got a couple of DVDs to collect from the library too 😉 {which means waiting until after 2pm at least as they close from 1-2pm for lunch} Today being Wednesday, it's an off-lead walk day, so I'll take the puppies along & drop into the local Forest on the way back home 🙂 I really enjoy that walk myself, it might be one I've done a million times, but that's sort of part of what I think I really enjoy about it?;)? & of the camp trips, beach walks & places that I have been going to for a little while now - the local 'home' forest walk still gives us the most freedom & me the most confidence 🙂
I think I am recovering from the xmas kerfuffle. I've just polished off a banana, which I would normally have at breakfast, so I've just combined morning & midday meals 😉 & I've got a bottle of water with just a touch of Apple Cider vinegar in it :x I actually quiet like the tang & I do beleive my insides appreciate it 🙂 I've been having quite a few nasty waves of nausea washing over me for a while now.
I need to start 'beating myself up a bit' about the housework! I did get some dishes done before I went away, but there's still a mountain of pots and pans there!! & my mountains of dirty washing are growing death defying peaks!!! I did also get 1/2 the yard mowed, but the other half is overgrown & the 1st 1/2 could do with a trim (00)! & the general clutter continues to compact.
I must look online at what the costs of registering my puppies will be in my council, maybe I can do that while I'm in town? If I got the genny going & started tackling the dirty washing, I could mow my little fella's feet inbetween cycles . . . & then we could go to a favourite 'look-out' spot for a walk 😛 . . . that'd be nice 🙂
Well, by the time I get online, it'll be past Potatoe hour. So I'd better stop blurbing & post 😉
Love to all that need or want it, everything positive gratefully accepted 🙂
❤️

520 replies

281 - 290 of 520
1...282930...52

In response to: Niquas Notes

Re: Niquas Notes

Good morning Mazy @Mazarita , Claire @outlander , @Faith-and-Hope , @eth , @Appleblossom and everyone passing by.

My magical Mazy

In a way I think all the sleep is good, completely understandable - but in another I worry a little - it's the whole pattern thing you see. I'm only going by my own experiences, there's nothing much else a person can go by. These days I know, it's almost like I can see my brain in overload, I can feel the change if I don't sleep.

I am more than pleased at how things went in Melbourne, I'm proud of you. You are an inspiration. I want you to know from the photo of your hair, you don't look like a size 22; but I understand & agree it is a health risk. I've stopped taking my anti-inflammatory, the Doctor asked me again to take a blood test. The last time she said it was for diabetes, this time she told me the medication I was on can damage the kidneys. Good luck with the change. I'm glad to hear your optomistic about it.

The forests are baiting at the moment, so I can't take the dogs there. I have discovered that a couple of properties down the road is empty & there's a big dam out the back, I've been taking them there for a swim. No phone calls from my child, though I have the phone turned off most of the time. It's like I've opened my eyes for the first time in 20 years & realized why it hurt so much that they never visited. It's not just that they don't want my company, it's that they don't care, they don't want to see how I live, whether I'm struggling, if I need help - how could they possibly take the thousands & thousands of dollars they have, if they saw how I live?

And the most painful thing of all is watching history repeat itself. And it's like I'm repeating the guilt I have for my child again & again & again & again & again - through all 5 of my grandchildren. There is nothing more I am capable of doing - yelling, screeching, swearing . . . . that was my best effort . . . letting go is all I have left.

Love to you Mazy

In response to: Niquas Notes

Re: Niquas Notes

Morning NN @Former-Member ❤

In response to: Re: Niquas Notes

Re: Niquas Notes

Hi @Former-Member so sorry to hear that you are having such a time due to lack of care from your child. And that this means missing time with your grandkids. Thinking of you and sending compassion.

In response to: Niquas Notes

Re: Niquas Notes

Also Niqua your unicorn pic on the art thread has been done. Im not sure if you seen it ir not as she didnt tag you so thought id let you know. Its very pretty @Former-Member

In response to: Re: Niquas Notes

Re: Niquas Notes

Thank you for letting me know Claire @outlander

Love to you

In response to: Re: Niquas Notes

Re: Niquas Notes

sending you hugs @Former-Member

In response to: Re: Niquas Notes

Re: Niquas Notes

love and hugs to you @Former-Member

things are pretty hard for you too, but i can see your doing the best you can

In response to: Re: Niquas Notes

Re: Niquas Notes

Niqua

Are you sleeping a lot too? Same here. Had a great night of video last night - until after 4am. Slept til 11am then napped again solidly this afternoon. Now it's gorgeous twilight with the currawongs calling plaintively.

Glad to hear you are taking the dogs to the property with the dam. Leaving the phone off at the moment seems like a reasonable thing to do. It probably will take time. It seems the healing when there has been deep hurt has its own pace.

History does seem to repeat in families in some ways. But what is a perfect life? Perhaps there is something to understand of your child, that they are struggling with chaos and that there may be no easy way out of it. They are a flawed human and desperation makes us selfish. If I'm anything to go by, adult children can be monumentally selfish, as I have been with my mother many times. I am lucky she forgives me. Now we both try our best and that brings love.

I'm blathering, but also trying to engage that part of your mind that thinks philosophically. Your intelligence is wonderful. But I don't have the experience of being a mother. I can only imagine. And in that imagining I send you my compassion.

@Former-Member

In response to: Re: Niquas Notes

Re: Niquas Notes

@Mazarita - wow, you have a beautiful way with words. Your post was so touching and it wasn't even aimed at me!

@Former-Member - it hurts like hell when we realise our children just don't care. Too wrapped up in themselves. It has nothing to do with failing as a mother - I wanted to share that with you. Your selflessness towards them still speaks volumes of the wonderful mother and person you are. I have three self centred children like that.....there is no chance of reconciliation unfortunately (long story). I have one daughter who is loving but somewhat lost at the moment - but I believe in time she will work it out...like I did.

It was so painful losing my other three children and I think grief consumed me for what seemed like forever....but I have let it go finally and am moving on now. Others need us I am now realising.

@Mazarita - the healing between you and your mother is inspiring; brings to life the beauty and power of hope and love. Thank you for sharing ❤️

In response to: Niquas Notes

Re: Niquas Notes

Morning @Former-Member 🌺🌻🌼💛
281 - 290 of 520
1...282930...52