Niquas Notes

Thank you @Appleblossom

My beautiful cyber-grandgirl Claire @outlander

@Former-MemberI may not have kept up til now with your thread.

I had a lot of serious things happening in my life from Sept ... til now ... I have a day free ... its easing up a bit. I cant say too much for confidentiality.

I do relate to you a lot, in your values and your survival style. Yes people who struggle with money who are genuine in managing life's basic including nutrition, do some research and choose to eat brown rice ... I also have deep pain with separation from my daughter. Similar but different. Just wanted to send you some sense of comfort, by liking, but also I have felt very similar things and made similar choices re the bush and camping etc so the kinship runs deep.

Hello my magical Mazy @Mazarita

I hope the sanctuary of home is cushioning falling off the roller coaster, which may cause a roller coaster ride of it's own.

I would like to be able to tell you I'm fine, but I can't lie to you. I would like to be able to say positive and happy things to you, but they're just not there in my mind to say.

I love you Mazy I just need time, maybe lots of it.

Niqua.

Dear Niqua,

You never need to pretend to be happier than you are with me. What you are going through is hard. It's understandable that you might need time and maybe lots of it to slowly recover from recent events.

The only thing I want to keep saying to you is try as much as possible not to let yourself be convinced by the the darkest of your thoughts, at least not all the time. Those most extreme thoughts seem to me to be the distortions. The truth is usually something a little more moderate.

Even knowing the bad way you have been treated, I feel your child still loves you, in their own crazy way. They too probably need time to recover and process what has been said and revealed to them. Healing times for both of you, licking wounds. You know me, I have hope even if you don't at this time.

I love you, dear friend. Sending gentle hugs and kindest wishes. Mazy @Former-Member

Good morning Mazy @Mazarita , Claire @outlander , @Faith-and-Hope , @Shaz51 , @eth , @Appleblossom , @CheerBear , moderators and everyone passing by

@Bunniekins

And good morning to you too @Former-Member

Good afternoon, Niqua.

This is the first time I've logged on today. I got up late and then got ready to go to my psychiatrist appointment. Then out the door with C, who drives me to these Saturday appointments about once every four weeks.

My psychiatrist was pleased to hear that things went well on the whole in Melbourne, even though I did spin out enough on several occasions to need the prn medication he specially prescribed for that purpose. Then we talked about changing one of my medications, the one that is probably the main culprit in me going from a size 12 to a size 22 over the past eight or so years.

It will be a significant change to stop taking this mood stabilising med and replacing it with another. As you've probably read other people on the forum saying, medication changes can be rather rocky times. But I'm feeling optimistic that the way we will be swapping from one to the other will minimise the mood variables. Hopefully also I will not discover other unlivable side effects with the new medication, or the combination of the two while changing over. One in particular is rare but can be very serious, so I have to watch out for any sign of that.

The new medication is not known for weight gain so, at the least, if all goes well, I will at least stop stacking it slowly on. That is just unsustainable into the future, for reasons of vanity to some extent, but mostly because of the health ramifications of being a very large woman.

Aside from all that, my main news so far today, I have been tired again today. Still recovering from the trip, I think. Just woke from a nap after getting about 10-11 hours sleep last night. I haven't fallen off the rollercoaster exactly, and my mood is holding steady. Just very tired and a bit at a loose end at times, not sure what to do with myself.

How are your daily trips out with the dogs going? In this difficult time you are going through, is it proving at all possible to keep up your motivation for self-care and some regular activities? I miss hearing about the little details of your days. But good to hear whatever you have to say, even if just a hello or good morning, if that's all you can manage just now.

Sending you hugs and love, Mazy.

@Former-Member