Niquas Notes

Me too @Former-Member

Hi Niqua, I'm all caught up on your news now, and I've posted in this thread now so will see under my onsite notifications icon when you have posted a new instalment. Hope you are enjoying your evening. I wonder what you might be watching. I've had a slow easy day, with two daytime sleeps containing epic dreams. Seems I needed the rest!

Sitting here now drinking mineral water with lemon, lime and bitters cordial, Bickfords brand, my favourite. I have had a habit of dabbling in some alcohol on Friday and also sometimes Saturday nights. But I am trying to cut back and maybe cut it out altogether, as my liver is not in the best shape. So it's cordial and bubbly water for me tonight. If you are interested, I've posted in the craft thread something I've made that's just been finished for C. It's on this link. Ciao until next time, my friend. @Former-Member

Saturday 10th Feb 11:50

I've just gotten off the Forum & made myself another cup of coffee 🙂 I had a really good morning with my friends 🙂
I've just had my banana, I actually quite like having coffee after my banana . . . Banana flavoured coffee - someone could make money out of that! 😄
Starting to feel more & more heat, will have to go & fill the jerry can soon; after I make the bed 😉 & get a little more appropriately dressed.
I have this beautifully big bulging, sweet juicy, ripened to perfection Mango all chopped up ready for lunch 😄 {I was going to have it after dinner last night - but dinner was lovely & very filling :)} & I still have 3 sausages & a bit of broccoli left for dinner tonight 🙂 . . . so feeding me is all sorted for the day 😉 😛
It's an on-lead walk day, so I don't have to go anywhere to do it 🙂 The problem with the heat is I just stop. I do nothing . . . except sweat a lot! I think it's better if I have to go to town or do a task, as it takes my focus off the heat. It's not that bad yet & it is midday . . . I'm glad I noticed that, I think the anxiety just dropped a little, though I think it's between 2-4pm where the real heat hits, it's still reassuring that at the peak point of the days sun . . . it's not that bad yet 🙂 Perhaps I'll be able to leave filling the jerry can until later in the afternoon & combine it with a lead-walk down a randomly picked road near the Servo. I reckon the young fella & myself, might get something out of that 😉
Mazy you've mention your giving up from the 1st of March, you go girl 🙂 I'm doing quite the opposite at the moment. A little naturally grown herbal relaxant is helping a lot right now 😉
My latest library series is called 'The Last Post', it's another 1 set in the early 60's, but not midwives this time but Military wives. Of course when you've got a series based on military, you've got a sinister series based on lies & deceit, morally challenging missions & who's sleeping with who!?! I'm really quite enjoying it, always seeming to watch 2 at a time, they won't last long 😉
Time to make the bed & put more clothes on! 😄
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13:50

Mine & the young fellas beds are made! Almost got enough motivation to pick up the bloody broom! (oo)! The thought of the sweat after daring to exert myself in any physical manner in this heat won out though - still I'm glad I almost did it 😉
I'm also appropriately dressed {well good enough for me, only going to the servo! :)} The mango was absolutely scrummy 😄 & I have started my obsessive routine of squirting the curtains and floors with the hose, I have all 5 of my little 12 vt fans going, including a miniature version of a evaporated air cooler that runs on 'C' size batteries 🙂 & I have to say it's pretty comfortable in my little spot of the lounge room at the moment 🙂
My next push . . . & for my next trick . . . I want to do the dishes - if I do so, I will be 'caught-up' on them! & that would be a pretty good thing 😄 The kitchen is a hot spot, I could take a couple of portable fans, & it's not that bad, it's nowhere near 40, barely reaching mid-30's 😉 From what I could see on a long term graph of the heat wave around here, it's going to get a little hotter each day until the wave breaks in a week or so {it's only just started(oo)}
But considering it's now 1430hrs & the afternoon 'real heat' has begun, I might just give myself permission to have - not a Si-esta, but a Rest-esta [Mental note, must look-up what the Spanish word for sleep is {dormir}, if siesta is nap . . . & what's Spanish for rest?{descansar}] Anyhow, I think after 1 more obsessive squirt {including my arms, legs & feet! :)}, I might let myself sit back in my little fortress of fans, & play some mindless games 😉 Not giving up on the conscious thought I keep in the back of my mind to wash those dishes when it's a little cooler 😉
& it's time to get myself another bottle of fluids, I haven't put any water aside {it can get boiling hot from the taps during the days}, it would be such a shame to have to open the little can of apricot juice I have in the cupboard if I need to let the water cool a little 😉 🙂 😄
Have I mentioned the obsessive squirting goes along with obsessive thermometer watching? So 1 last cooling effort & a quick check to reassure myself that it's nowhere near 40! & will remain at this hot but manageable level, & then play a game to take my mind off {hopeful} the last of today's pocket of heat?
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2200hrs

I guess I'd better have some dinner, it's getting a little late 🙂

fast forward to 2250 I've had my dinner, but there's a tale to tell 🙂 I keep my extra meal in the oven with a dish on top, as nothing can get into it (well almost) . . . I took my dinner bowl out & it was covered in ants!! (oo) I had no option but to drown the lot which pretty much put the broccoli out of action, so I ended up having sausage on bread with bbq sauce & mayo {quite yummy :)}
I think it's a great sign for rain, good rain, maybe lots of it? I've noticed a few trails of them the past couple of days.

I've got a tale about the dishes too 🙂 When I got up to get myself a drink, the water was too hot so I decided that was the perfect temperature to wash dishes with 🙂 So I got them done, before I settled down for a rest-esta 🙂

I've also got a Niquadee & the dogs adventure tale too 🙂 I managed to get through the day without needing the generator, so was able to leave it till later to go & get fuel. I decided to take the young fella for his off-lead walk along a different road, I picked the first 1 on the way back home after getting fuel. It was 1 I'd been along in the past looking for a small state forest that was supposed to be in the area, the GPS kept taking me to the quarries gate & telling me the forest was in there! ? Anyhow, I pulled over in a shady spot on the side of the road, the little fella got to chill in the back of the ute {I left the back canopy flap open & it has a vent and both side windows are always open 🙂 } The young fella & I started wandering off down the road, a bitumen road with the shade of the trees pretty much covering it & a nice breeze flowing along it 😉 We didn't get too far before I heard a dog & sure enough saw the makings of a driveway not far off - then I actually saw a person in the yard! (oo), so I decided we'd turn back & we'd walk along a dirt road not far from behind where I'd parked. Then a really exciting event occurred, a vehicle went past! The young fella finds that extremely exciting 😄 He mightn't get as much physical exercise when he's on-lead, but unless he's on-lead I couldn't just walk beside a road, because when a car goes past he just can't help himself but to take off after it 😄 So, on-lead roadside walks are a whole new brand of excitement 😄 🙂 😉 We continued our walk on to the dirt road & I can't complain, I had gotten far enough that I'd decided that was enough, I'd run out of shade-over-the-road & I'd turn around to head back. It had been a slight incline & the shade ended at a ridge point of the road where the breeze was stronger & the coolness of it completely surrounded me 🙂 I had enjoyed the walk & felt the young fella {who had a pretty good puff up} had enjoyed the vehicular excitement . . . but wait . . . there was more . . . on the way back another vehicle came along, but this one stopped!!! It was a young country couple, the young lad asked me 'how I was goin' which I roughly translate to 'what are you doing walking along my home track?' 😉 I said something like 'I'm good, just takin' the dog for a walk :)', they replied with 'Right O' which I roughly translate as 'Ok, there's nothing we can do about that' & drove off. But to the young fella it was THE most exciting thing for . . . ever! 😄 😄

and now it's 2350hrs, I keep getting way-laid by the show 😉 It's finished now, that series is done, another dvd I can return so that I have a free spot if 1 of my reserved dvds show up. It's much, much cooler now & has been for many hours - I wonder whether they throw that term heat-wave around a little too much. It's hot yes, & considerably more degrees hotter than it has been for a while now, but it never really got that bad; I actually didn't get around to checking the thermometer, I did the dishes, squirted the floors & curtains, stood in the bath & squirted me & then sat down & got sucked in trying to figure out why my laptop won't read/recognize E drive, the DVD player. Haven't had any luck with it though, shame, my laptop has a much bigger screen than the portable dvd player. I've tried uninstalling and reinstalling, updating the cdrom driver. . . uninstalling it & letting the restart reinstall it, downloading a different dvd player program {it's just not recognizing anything I put in the drive, so the software I'm using to watch it doesn't matter}. I've gone back to older restore points in the back-up files . . . I just don't know what else to try right now & it's way past Pumpkin hour, so I'm going to bed 😉
Sleep well Everyone & peace be with you all ❤️

Hey Niqua, enjoying your writing, as usual.

We just had a big storm. Still rumbling in the distance. I'm scared of storms, like a dog hiding in its kennel. C came up with a brilliant idea though. He has industrial earmuffs from a job he used to do and so I wore them from when the storm really started making some noise today. Made a huge difference. Usually I am very anxious and jumpy but today the storm was a relatively calm experience. I'm just enjoying the cool breeze flowing through the flat from it now, very welcome after a warm day.

Earlier I got out on the beach for a walk and a dip, and then jumped in the pool here after that and did four sidestroke laps. That's something I haven't done for a while. I'd like to do it more. The more exercise the better, for overweight me.

I hope you don't mind me responding to your notes at some length here. Let me know if you would prefer me to chat elsewhere, I won't mind. Just thought it might be a nice place to write 'letters' back to you.

I think it's so great that you are into the bed making routine, as am I. It's just that little thing that makes everything else seem a bit better, I find. Good on you for getting the dishes done too, even when you had given yourself permission not to. It sounds like you are getting on top of the housework again since your trip.

I don't envy you the 40 plus weather days. Very glad to know you have such a good (and elaborate) cooling system going. Another example of your resourcefulness. I think when the weather gets that hot it's really just a matter of surviving it for the most part, everything else can slide. I would be thinking that anything I did was bonus if I was surviving heat like that. Let's hope you are right, that the coming heatwave is being exaggerated, and you don't have to go through that.

Another part of one of your earlier messages comes to mind too. The part about all of us being driven to madness by the pace and demands and stresses of life at this time in history. Perhaps those of us who are diagnosed with mental illnesses (or who simply recognise it in ourselves), are simply at the more sensitive end of the spectrum of humanity, so much more susceptible to the stresses and strains on the mind.

Hope you have an enjoyable evening, dear friend. Lots of love streaming your way. Mazy

@Former-Member

Hello Mazy @Mazarita 🙂

Yay for the storm Maz 😄 . . . I hope it gets here! I'm strangely not afraid of storms (strange because I seem to be afraid of just about everything), I love watching them, though if the wind picks up I do get anxious. Good idea of 'C's with the ear muffs! 🙂 I think you'd better get some girly pink stickers to put all over them, & claim them as your own 🙂

Double Yay for the double swim!! I am noticing such a difference in your 'umph' since you've started the new medication! It's great to see 🙂 Do they seem to be staying constistant?

Absolutely no worries about you responding here, I like it 🙂 Sometimes the Forum {that I love} can be a little overwhelming for me, I know this is common, but sometimes it just feels like there's so many people!

Do you remember the last time I gave a bit of a push to be more tidy? The bed making just sort of happened, it was more dishes and dirty clothes that I wanted to get on top of. But I find, maybe because it's a fairly simple task, that if I start with the bed I get a more positive feeling about what I'm doing?

I don't envy me in my 40-45 weather! But I don't think I'm even hitting 40 here really. I'd agree that this is a heat-wave, but it's not the type I fear . . . not yet anyhow. It's cooling off at night, which means I can get some sleep. Last Summer there was no cooling off & it when on for a month.

The truth is I'm afraid of going through that again. I don't think I could let myself, I would have to go somewhere. What really frightens me about that, is that my Kingdom, my sanctuary, has proven it can become uninhabitable for me.

I didn't make Pumpkin hour again last night. It's a bit of a worry really. I noticed the clock just before it, wrote a few 'notes' & as usual, played some mindless 'click click' games to wind down. The next thing I know it's 2am. It was the same the other night, only it was 3. The sleep pattern battle is 1 I fought for years, I thought I had it licked. I'm worried there are black boxes after midnight.

Hoping you still have some cool from your storm & that it hasn't all turned into steam! Thinking of you with your difficult situation with your Mum & her sister wanting to see your show for a whole heap of positive reasons, but causing all sorts of negitive side-effects along the way

Love to you Mazy

Sun 11 Feb 1100

I just made my 1st coffee for the morning! I decided on tea 1st thing this morning {there's a sign that it's getting warmer}. I slept in a little later than usual this morning {it is Sunday so I figure it is allowed;)} . . . & I did break Pumpkin hour by a couple of hours {as it was Saturday night :)} last night. So I guess I'm having a lazy Sunday morning 😉

I finished the 'Last Post' series from the library & I still can't get my laptop to play DVDs (maybe the opitcal has burnt out & it's physical hardware problems? - but Device Manager says it's in working order) I think the reason my days are ending a little later is because my main focus activity, walking with the dogs, has to happen a little later due to the Summer heat. In fact if this heat wave turns into an actual heat wave, there'll be torch-walks on the agenda 🙂

Gee it was nice to climb into a properly made bed 🙂 with rose scented powder sprinkled on the bottom sheet 🙂 The young fella did his 2 minute protest, laying on the concrete beside my bed where his used to reside. I'd shown him where his cushions were & after he was sure I'd noticed his protest, that's where he slept 😉 😄

So another hot day, I read in Mazys post that her area has decided it's not an offical heat wave until tomorrow. I'm getting a bit nervous about tomorrow 😉 Not really . . . I'm as ready for whatever heat as I can be. I've got fuel for the genny & I might even do some washing today, which I use the genny for, & seeing as it'll be running for the washing, I might just put the air-cooler on 😉 If the real heat doesn't start until tomorrow (& today does feel warm, but very simular to yesterday) then I should be able to keep a pretty reasonable temperture today 🙂

Well, time to start 'pushing' a little for the day. I'm not going to put much on my list today, 1. make the bed 🙂 2. put away the clean dishes I can see stacked on the side of the sink 😉 3. start your engines 😄 . . . get the genny going for a cool breeze & wash some more cloth {not many clothes in there now, mainly towels and puppy blankets :)}
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2330

It's 1/2 hour off Pumpkin hour, so just a little blurb 😉
I've ended up having a really nice evening. I've only just come in from outside, I had my dinner out there & played with the young fella 🙂 & inbetween the best ever biscuit balls yet {I've discovered a new unbeatable treat, biscuits briefly soaked in cream !!! 😄 It's a lactose free, light cream {just happened to be the only long-life cream available & just might be better for them ;)}, of which I made too much filling for so he had to play seek-the-bisciut-ball twice . . . such a shame 😉 & then not 1 but 2 {1 after the other} fresh bones!!! 😄 🙂 😄 I managed to take yesterdays washing {I fold/roll it & put it into plastic shopping bags [which I seem to collect 100's of] & then hang the bags off the chest-of-draws knobs in the bedroom ;)} off the line {having put most of the day befores washing that was hanging on the drawer knobs, away :)} & put the towels & blanket I washed today on the line - PHEW that was quite the mouthful 🙂

Another habitualizing Sunday trait seems to be my trip to the next town over to hire a few weekly dvds. It's a small country town so it's a small country dvd shop, that happens to also be a very busy little cafe/take away shop. Today I decided to get a gluten free baked potatoe for dinner! 😄 It was absolutely scrummy 😄 {though I think they're a little expensive - 10 bucks for a spud, but then it did have roast beef, sour cream, cheese, colesaw & fried onion as well 😉 ! & it was so big I'll have some for lunch tomorrow 😄 HaHa, I went all the way to the next town over & back, about a 3 hour round trip, for dvds . . . & then I didn't watch any tonight 🙂

I left it until much later than usual to head off to the dvd shop, it was hot & I think an underlying reason I decided I would go, was because even a feral old hippy like me has air-conditioning in their car 😉 & I used it; & not even my normal on-off, on-off, method . . . just once I got to highway speed, I closed the windows, hit that cool button & the little fella & I enjoyed 🙂 I left the genny & air-cooler going for the young fella & the old cat, although it had cooled a little, the wind was still warm & still quite constant. It was already getting dark when I returned, I had my phone call, fed the critters & started playing outside with the young fella. It was cooler out there as my skin seemed to catch the slight breeze more freely than in the house. That's what made me decide to have dinner out there 😉

It was still pretty warm at about 2200, I felt a cool breeze come in, it was lovely 🙂 I took my comfy camp chair out & reclined it to watch the stars; when the clouds parted enough for me to see them 😉 I got this weird sort of enhanced feeling of 3D when I glimpsed the stars through the clouds. It kind of felt like I was being shown those clouds were the outer edge of my planets bubble & the stars, all that I could see beyond those clouds, were outside of my bubble. It left me with the feeling more than the thought of, 'there's so much more' ❤️

Good night Everyone, sleep well & peace be within you ❤️

Snap, Niqua. Here we are at the same time again.

I love the idea of girly stickers for the masculine-looking industrial earmuffs.

Yes, it's true that I have extra oomph with the new meds. But I also think they may be kicking me into a bit of a mixed hypomanic state ('tech' talk for edgy and irritable and agitated some of the time, extra anxious and a bit in danger of flying off the handle). So I've rung my psychiatrist and left a message for when he's in tomorrow. I'm asking if I can lower the dose again before I go to Melbourne. I'm worried I'm going to 'lose it' with mum. When that happens, it really is like I have brain snaps and the damage is done before I've even had a chance to think the thought. This I want to avoid more than anything. I really love my mum and would hate myself if that happened.

So know what you mean about the forum seeming to have so many people on it sometimes. I know that some people feel ignored sometimes. But it's just not possible to get around to everyone. I need to keep my interractions limited to some extent, for my own sanity.

Yep, I'm with you on starting with the bed as a good way to go. For me, who is sometimes tempted too much to go back to bed during the day, it also marks a 'completion' of the sleep cycle and a more full entering into the day. With something good behind me to keep me moving.

That is a bit worrying about your sleep patterns. How unusual, for you. Just as I'm starting to get mine to flow in a better order too! Went to bed at 9.30pm last night, way before pumpkin hour.

It is pretty steamy here today, and warm. Every time I go outside to have a smoke, I come back sweating. But you know me, I sweat at the drop of a hat. I simply couldn't live where you do.

You are right that my mum and auntie wanting to come to my screening is so sweet. But I think I'll offer instead a private viewing at my mum's place. When I became a bit tetchy about it on the phone the other day (shame on me), she did say that she understood and was genuinely fine about it.

I bet this visit to mum goes much better than expected, despite my nervousness about it at the moment.

Well, I'll post this now in the hope that I don't miss a bit of a chat with you. But if you have already gone offline, or have other things to do, that's fine too. Like you said once before, we have our channel of communication open even when there is a time delay.

Love to you. @Former-Member

Gidday Mazy @Mazarita 🙂

I am going to head off-line just now. I was sort of planning to go into the city today, I have been meaning to change my mobile broadband plan since Oct. when my plan ended. There is 1 with 2GB more data for $10 a month cheaper than the 1 I'm on. I need to change onto it to start saving :$ I also have to get my anti-inflammatory pills from the chemist at the next town over {that's where I leave the script} as I ran out last night. But I slept in till 10 this morning {a side effect of being awake at night, that you would know well at a guess ;)} & my heads just not in city capable mode today - so I might just miss 1 pill {which won't harm me :)}

Today is Wier walk day 🙂 I tend to go there on mondays ever since I decided sundays would be a non-walk day 😉

Oops . . . I got a bit way-layed 😉 I made the bed! 😄 & put a sheet up as a 'wall' on the front door awning {aka 1 of those camping awning for the side of the car, that I never could figure out how to put on the bl**dy car!! - works well as a front door awning, tucked perfectly into the gutter ;D} Another wet curtain to help cool the breeze as it enter my castle 😄 ;D

I'm not going to the city today 😉 just decided that 🙂

How are you today?

I guess you will still be going to the weir today, even if you don't go to the city. Sounds like it will be good for you and the dogs to do that, Niqua.

I've settled a bit since my agitations earlier in the day. Though I am in a bit of a tricky state of mind, and it feels like my mood could change again at any time. Because of this, I too have decided to go easy on myself today with the tasks I have set myself to do. If they happen they happen, but no stress. I have managed to get a few done since last I posted here, so that's good.

I actually have a fairly busy week out of the flat for the rest of the week. Plus my close friend may be coming for an overnight visit. It's fair enough to give myself a peaceful time of it today. Was going to go out for another beach walk and dip but I'm limiting the sun exposure and sparing my legs too much strain with the muscular-skeletal problems and staying inside. It is hot out there by my standards.

I am stumped by your description of your DVD issues. At first I thought you needed to replace the drive, and that may indeed be the case. Task manager I think refers mainly to the software that drives the drive (if you know what I mean). So the hardware may still be problematic, it seems to me. @Former-Member