Broken beyond repair

@utopia I think you are pretty awesome yourself. I just love it when people don't run from pain and things they don't understand. We are always learning.💕💜

Thanks @Maggie, thats very kind of you. But I am wary of staying on topic. So I will keep my reply brief.

Yes nursing duties are taking most of my time, and trying to avoid the worst of his abusive and angry outbursts. I also have February just around the corner, which I always find a difficult time, it being trauma anniversary time. Maybe this year will be better? I live in hope. My Mum has been back in hospital for another stay, she has a lot of fluid around her lungs again and her heart is greatly enlarged. It means she had difficulty breathing and her heart goes nuts then hardly beats at all. Very upsetting for her and she is not able to do anything at all. She is to get an appt with a heart specialist to see what they can do, and is back on high doses of fluid tablets to try to get the fluid on the lungs under control. So all that is a worry.

Actually I got to the gym today for my regular pilates/yoga class. It was nice to be back. I now have physical tiredness to match the mental fatigue. And I have just enrolled in my local U3A Term 1 art class. You may remember I went to a class for a term last year. I was unable to get to Term 4 due to hubbys illness and him being in hospital for 3 weeks, then a heap of appts. Anyway this term we are focusing on Portraits using colour pencils. I'm looking forward to it. Although I dont expect to be able to get there every week, I'm hopeful of at least some.

Have you done any more tapestry lately, or gardening? How's little Maggie May? Holly is great, as usual. We not long came in from a walk in our back paddock. She has a large lamb in the neighbouring paddock with whom she had a bit of a run and play with. Kind of cute they were.

Right I must go. Hubby is demanding his dinner. Talk again soon Maggie. Wtih love.

Sherry xx

@Lemonjuice, ditto. I have done the every diagnosis under the sun thing. I have thrown out the ones I know don't fit, and kept only what makes sense to me. Hospitalisation that did more harm than good. I feel for you. Have you found a good therapist yet???? If not, move to Tassie and share mine. @Phoenix_Rising has been through exactly the same. Keep trying if you haven't found one. They are out there, just few and far between.

@Former-Member I honestly don't know how you keep going. Auto pilot probably.

I am pleased to hear you are doing yoga and your art.

The news about your mum is not good, I imagine you worry as you can't get to see her because of hubbies illness. And the demands continue. Always here with you @Former-Member.💞💕🐾🐾

@Former-Member I pressed the post button instead of return. The pic in my mind of Holly running with the lamb is lovely. How's possum and baby? Maggie has been on a diet.lol. She was looking very round, and I could no longer blame her thick coat, she was fat. She's trimmed down a lot now.

I have three cross stitches on the go atm. I've never done that before. Concentration is difficult, atm, not in a hurry.

🐾🐾🐾

@Lemonjuice Tassie is beautiful, but this summer has been a hot one, the hottest I've experienced. I hate the heat. Can't complain today though, 21 and raining.

DID is an extreme form of dissociation, and can be discribed as disconnection, dysfunctional dissociation. It is just one way people insulate themselves from pain, and actually serves as a very adaptive and life affirming defence at one point in time.

DID dissociation has what is discribed as Alters ( alternate personalities ). Dissociated parts of the self that represent memories, emotions and ways of relating. They are able to function independently from each other and can be refered to as "Parts ".

My "Parts " don't like being refered to as Alters, they prefer family or kids. I often call them my jig saw family.. I have come to know them, piece by piece. Though they don't fit together, at least it's in part, an acknowledgment that I do exist, even though memories don't.

I believe I have what is refered to as Polyfragmented, over 100 personalities. I stopped counting as numbers were not important, history was. This is caused by ritual or prolonged abuse.

Different parts can have different illnesses. I can hear a few sniggers and eye brows raised here, but it's actually documented, not a figment of my imagination. This is why finding medications that help can be so difficult. Not all my personalities are depressed for instance, so if this personality takes an anti depressant, there can be problems.

I passed this by my dr a few months back as we were having all sorts of trouble with meds not helping for all sorts of different problems. Though the conversation wasn't a complete success, ( I didn't expect it to be ) it wasn't a complete disaster either. Though the silence was deafening, she didn't call am ambulance either. As a member pointed out to me here on the forum, it might make it easier for the next person who presents with the same issues. Slowly medical professionals will see the light if we find small amounts of courage to speak up. I hope so anyway.