How do you know if you are recovering from depression or not?

@utopia, I wonder if you email you psychologist would he give you the details of one of his associates that you could see in the interim, while he is away?

It might help just to have someone to talk to.

I know I really benefited from talking to different therapists at different times when I had problems, as they can each have slightly different take on things.

I actually liked getting a range of different opinions- for some reason I seem to respond well to that.... I like to consider all options and then make up my own mind.

Hi @utopia

So sorry to hear that you're not coping so well.

It's good that you're staying out of the hospital, it can be a sign of improvement, no matter how small it may be. Getting rid of the suicidal thoughts is a major step and I'm glad you have improved with this. I personally know just how debilitating suicidal thoughts can be. I've too been having some dark thoughts of my own with this current cycle of depression I'm having, so I understand where you're coming from in regards to feeling numb and powerless on a constant basis. I found that in the past, focusing on one goal at a time can help. Trying to concentrate on all the things you need to do all at once tends to fry the brain circuits and can make a person even more anxious, which then fuels the depression. I also tend to forget things, so I write a to-do list, but only concentrate on one thing on that list for a period of time, say for a week or two, and then move onto another thing, and so-on.

I don't know if this will help, @utopia. Recently, I came home to our empty house after spending 2 weeks looking after my Dad. (My husband is also away.)

There were quite a few things I had to do, including mowing our lawn, which looked like a jungle! The jungle was really the obvious place to start, because it was screaming out to be mowed- it looked pretty bad. And yet I left it to the next day.

I did things in my own time, at my own pace. No guilt.... just an acknowledgement to myself that they were my things, my responsibilities, and my total choice what to do and when.

@utopia, please off-load all the guilt. You do not need it.

You have overgrown lawn or a full laundry basket- these are just facts- in the big scheme of things they are neither good nor bad.

Imagine a supreme court judge who works 75 hours per week and has 3 kids.... I'll bet she has a full laundry basket too!! (But no guilt) The only way her laundry basket is going to be emptied is if she pays someone to come in and do the laundry. What if her housekeeper rings in sick? What if the housekeeping agency cannot supply a person to fill in for that day?

The laundry doesn't get done. The dishes get left in the sink. The judge (who is just another woman, and not really different to you and I) comes home to no dinner on the table, the kids going crazy and still a heap of office work to do when the kids are finally in bed.

Exhausting, yes..... but why have guilt?

You can only do what you can do... same applies to everyone. Treat your depression as something that is not exactly under your direct control right now. Accept that everyone has a mess at home to clean up at some point in their lives.... no matter who they are. It's just a mess; it is absolutely no refection of you as a person.

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@utopia wrote:
@Sahara - that's the problem. I do see it as a reflection on me

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Yes, @utopia, I used to be the same..... I felt responsible for everything all the time. And I imagined that everyone else must see me as responsible for everything in my surroundings.... hence, a lot of guilt if things weren't 'perfect'.

However, I came to realize that people weren't lurking around the corner, just waiting to catch me out and judge me! That was just my over-active imagination.

In fact, very few people cared what I did or even noticed what I did. Everyone was too busy sorting out their own lives. All they really knew about me was what I chose to tell them- and even then, they were lucky to remember half of it!

But I empathise with you- it is very difficult to let go of guilt. I think often we learn to be guilty from a very young age and it sticks with us. I don't kniow what the ultimate solution is- other than to keep talking about it - just acknowledge it.

Hi there @utopia I see that some of the other members have some good tips for your housework issues. I applaud them and agree with the help they give. I am like you with the guilt of what I need to do but just can't face the tasks. I also have trouble even showering so how the hec do I do the housework? I live in fear of visitors and they will see my messy house. I can't let go of the guilt because I always kept my home spotless, I was also an avid gardener. I would have been as close to OCD that you could get. I also worked full time looked after my 2 children and always prepared the meals. So a few years back I injured my back at work, 1 year later I had spinal fusion plus 3 yrs ago a second one. I have little movement in my spine and am in constant pain, hence, I just cannot do what I used to do. So my friend I really understand how you feel. I hope maybe one of us could take some of the tips and make them work. Hugsss