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How do you know if you are recovering from depression or not?

utopiaSenior Contributor16 Jan 2018, 2:27 am AEDT

How do you know if you are recovering from depression or not?

Last year I had 4 admissions to a private Psych hospital due to suicidal thoughts and plans.
On the 4th visit I got a new psychiatrist who out me on new AD's.
Thoughts of suicide left. No more plan. No more thinking about it.
Out of hospital since the end if August.
I see my psycholigist fortnightly for our talk therapy.
I take my meds.
But do I feel any better?
No!
The only change is no suicidal thoughts. I'm still depressed. I still have no motivation or energy. I still struggle daily.
Most of the time I just feel numb. Sad and numb at the same time.
I don't cry buckets of tears. In fact I don't cry at all. I feel like my emotions are frozen. As is my life.
I fear getting so sick again that I end uo in hospital. Yet I'd rather be in hospital if I can't get better.
The previous year after hospitalisation, I got well within a few months. I waa doing so great. This time is different. There is no improvement.
I don't feel better. I'm still depressed.
Does anyone else experience depression like this?
This cannot be my recovery. This cannot be as good as it gets.

42 replies

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In response to: How do you know if you are recovering from depression or not?

HeavenboundSenior Contributor18 Jan 2018, 9:54 am AEDT

Re: How do you know if you are recovering from depression or not?

Hi @utopia, just read your reply Re-How do you know if you are recovering from depression or not? wow, It sounded just like I feel. The only difference is I'm on a disability pension. I sometimes have very small windows when I can do the smallest of tasks then "Bamb" it's gone. I lock myself away in the house, have no friends, messy brain messy everything. The best part of my day is being able to sleep away an hour or two. I look forward to nights and bedtime as I sleep well due to meds. I have no motivation or energy at all and I certainly don't like myself and feel guilty for not doing the things I used to do. I don't trust myself with having friends or even family visiting because of BPD as I always think they are judging me. I know my antidepressant meds are not working so I may have to have them changed and that is scary. I can't answer my phone or even make calls. I find appointments the pits as I have to go out and more times than not I don't show. I'm so over this whirlwind life I just want to be able to cope and guess we all feel that. Huge hugs and blessings @utopia @Former-Member

In response to: How do you know if you are recovering from depression or not?

utopiaSenior Contributor18 Jan 2018, 1:05 pm AEDT

Re: How do you know if you are recovering from depression or not?

@BlueBay. I'm trying to get an appointment with my psychiatrist - but his office is still closed for the holidays.
I don't see my psychologist again until February - because he has just gone on holiday.
2016 I recovered so quickly. Did all the work.
But this time. I can't seem to get into the work - not even the breathing exercises. I can't do any of it. I'm just stuck in a limbo of doing nothing day after day.
@Heavenbound - I would sleep all day and all night if I could

In response to: Re: How do you know if you are recovering from depression or not?

SaharaSenior Contributor18 Jan 2018, 4:29 pm AEDT

Re: How do you know if you are recovering from depression or not?

Hi @utopia,

I am sorry to see that you don't feel that you are recovering... this must be disappointing. I agree with what other people are saying... try to talk it over with you psychologist when you can. He may have some ideas for you.

The things that you wrote about yourself are just facts.... please not to try and see them as negatives and try not to judge yourself harshly.

For instance- "I'm on workcover/centerlink" Well, yes, but that could be good thing, because in many countries there is no such thing as government support or insurance for workers. So, I know it sounds naff, but at least you have a little bit of money and you can afford groceries, right?

And also- "I'm fat/overweight" Ok, I know it isn't ideal, but it isn't the end of the world either. Many, many women struggle with weight issues (including me) and they don't let it define them.

I guess with depression, our brains put a negative twist on absolutely everything. When we are not depressed, we just get on with things.... and live happily enough within our financial means, enjoying ourselves without thinking too much about our body-image.

Utopia, if you had some energy and motivation, what do you see yourself doing? I know that you have interests. Can you just suspend disbelief for an instant and imagine yourself doing something you enjoy?

Breathing exercises are great, because they take hardly any energy and even doing them for just one minute is beneficial. One positive step seems to lead to other positive steps, too.

I do remember feeling emotionally 'frozen' for several years leading up to my big depression. I couldn't even put a label on what I was feeling back then. I think I thought it must be normal. I hope you start to feel better soon. xx

In response to: How do you know if you are recovering from depression or not?

utopiaSenior Contributor18 Jan 2018, 5:05 pm AEDT

Re: How do you know if you are recovering from depression or not?

@Sahara - at the moment I can't imagine myself doing anything.
Frozen - that's a good word for it. Frozen in time

In response to: Re: How do you know if you are recovering from depression or not?

HeavenboundSenior Contributor18 Jan 2018, 6:23 pm AEDT

Re: How do you know if you are recovering from depression or not?

@utopia I'm hearing ya on that, if only it was that easy hey, I also wouldn't be thinking about food all the time as I seem to feel somewhat comforted by food lol strange I think when all the rest of the garbage in my head is spinning around inside. Fighting MI and food is really hard for me. I am constantly processing so many things in my head and it's driving me crazy, think I need to see my psych earlier than next month but then I find it so hard to use the phone and appointments are instant anxiety. Sorry I hope you understand this message I'm a bit messed up atm. Hugs and hope you can find a normal day tomorrow then send it to me. lol.

In response to: How do you know if you are recovering from depression or not?

utopiaSenior Contributor18 Jan 2018, 7:02 pm AEDT

Re: How do you know if you are recovering from depression or not?

@Heavenbound. I know what you mean by appointments increase anxiety. I didn't see my psychiatrist in December because I was struggling with anxiety that day and couldn't do the 2 & 1/2 hour drive to Melbourne. I can't even drive to the big town near me - at the moment and that's only 30 minutes away.
And I can't even make an appointment with the psychiatrist - as his office is closed for the holidays.

In response to: Re: How do you know if you are recovering from depression or not?

ChrisSenior Contributor18 Jan 2018, 7:43 pm AEDT

Re: How do you know if you are recovering from depression or not?

I wonder if you have thought about a skype consultation?

It might ease some of the anxiety,

Its horrible feeling so stuck.

Ive been there many times, and it doesnt get any easier each time it hapens.

This time around, i had some major medication changes. And it appears one medication was having an adverse affect. It was quite by acident that it was discovered. Maybe a medication review might help.

Sorry i dont have anything more concrete for you.

In response to: Re: How do you know if you are recovering from depression or not?

HeavenboundSenior Contributor18 Jan 2018, 8:04 pm AEDT

Re: How do you know if you are recovering from depression or not?

@utopia. Oh, I missed 3 appointments with mine, he makes them for me while I'm with him which is monthly then I don't show. My psych lives in the same town as me but yet I still can't face it. I am about 45 mins from Melbourne and I loathe driving through it. We moved up to Queensland for warmer weather and after 2 yrs I couldn't take any more of it so we moved back down here. I have not driven my car since I drove it here and that is 12 mths ago. I'm so over being stuck in the house but I just can't make myself get out. I always say at night tomorrow I might take my self somewhere but it doesn't happen. So we are alike in the getting to appointments for sure. I really need to see my GP also but that's a laugh not sure what yr I will make the appointment for lol. I feel for you with your psychiatrist being on holiday's that is horrible. Thinking of you and hoping you can have a sunny day tomorrow. Hugsss

In response to: Re: How do you know if you are recovering from depression or not?

HeavenboundSenior Contributor18 Jan 2018, 8:10 pm AEDT

Re: How do you know if you are recovering from depression or not?

Good idea @Chris, I don't know if I could do that either as I am even having trouble using my phone these days. I have an appointment next month which at this point intend to keep so I will bring it up with him and see what he says. I hope you are on a medication now that is working for you. I am so scared to change meds but this is ridiculous being this way so I think that will be looked into also. Thank you for your support and help. Love all you guys on here it's the best. Hugss

In response to: Re: How do you know if you are recovering from depression or not?

ChrisSenior Contributor18 Jan 2018, 8:47 pm AEDT

Re: How do you know if you are recovering from depression or not?

You could email his office to pass an email onto him. With a bit of luck he will email you back. That way you can contact him directly. The office wont give out his email address. But by directing it to him ask if he can contact you.

This worked for me short term.

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