How do you know if you are recovering from depression or not?

Last year I had 4 admissions to a private Psych hospital due to suicidal thoughts and plans.
On the 4th visit I got a new psychiatrist who out me on new AD's.
Thoughts of suicide left. No more plan. No more thinking about it.
Out of hospital since the end if August.
I see my psycholigist fortnightly for our talk therapy.
I take my meds.
But do I feel any better?
No!
The only change is no suicidal thoughts. I'm still depressed. I still have no motivation or energy. I still struggle daily.
Most of the time I just feel numb. Sad and numb at the same time.
I don't cry buckets of tears. In fact I don't cry at all. I feel like my emotions are frozen. As is my life.
I fear getting so sick again that I end uo in hospital. Yet I'd rather be in hospital if I can't get better.
The previous year after hospitalisation, I got well within a few months. I waa doing so great. This time is different. There is no improvement.
I don't feel better. I'm still depressed.
Does anyone else experience depression like this?
This cannot be my recovery. This cannot be as good as it gets.