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How do you know if you are recovering from depression or not?

utopiaSenior Contributor16 Jan 2018, 2:27 am AEDT

How do you know if you are recovering from depression or not?

Last year I had 4 admissions to a private Psych hospital due to suicidal thoughts and plans.
On the 4th visit I got a new psychiatrist who out me on new AD's.
Thoughts of suicide left. No more plan. No more thinking about it.
Out of hospital since the end if August.
I see my psycholigist fortnightly for our talk therapy.
I take my meds.
But do I feel any better?
No!
The only change is no suicidal thoughts. I'm still depressed. I still have no motivation or energy. I still struggle daily.
Most of the time I just feel numb. Sad and numb at the same time.
I don't cry buckets of tears. In fact I don't cry at all. I feel like my emotions are frozen. As is my life.
I fear getting so sick again that I end uo in hospital. Yet I'd rather be in hospital if I can't get better.
The previous year after hospitalisation, I got well within a few months. I waa doing so great. This time is different. There is no improvement.
I don't feel better. I'm still depressed.
Does anyone else experience depression like this?
This cannot be my recovery. This cannot be as good as it gets.

42 replies

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In response to: How do you know if you are recovering from depression or not?

Phoenix_RisingSenior Contributor16 Jan 2018, 7:00 am AEDT

Re: How do you know if you are recovering from depression or not?

Hi @utopia,

It sucks that you are struggling such a lot at the moment.

I'm afraid I don't know the answer to the question you posed in the title of your thread. I don't really like the whole concept of "recovery" in the way it is used regarding mental health. It seems to me that a lot of the time when people talk about "recovery," what they really mean is "living well with..." which to me isn't recovery at all.

I think one of the super challenges with depression is that it can have so many causes. For example, most of my depression is due to my current situation. Thus I don't see this as an "illness" but rather a normal reaction to the abnormal situation of being unemployed and super socially isolated. Any human being who lacks social support, structure and a reason to get out of bed is likely to be depressed. This isn't an illness, this is just being human. On the other hand, I discovered a couple of years ago that I have thyroid issues. Hypothyroidism is known to cause depression and I super noticed a difference in my energy levels when I started taking medication for the thyroid issue. To me, THIS type of depression is an illness which can be treated.

So...I think part of the trick is to figure out what is driving the depression. Do you keep telling your healthcare professionals that you aren't feeling better? Do you feel like they are continuing to investigate possible causes of the depression?

In response to: How do you know if you are recovering from depression or not?

catgirlSenior Contributor16 Jan 2018, 9:12 am AEDT

Re: How do you know if you are recovering from depression or not?

@utopia sorry to hear you are feeling so poorly..i understand about feeling frozen and not being able to cry even though you are so sad...this is common with depression...last time i was in hospital(which was also August) i had the same symptoms..frozen numb...i also couldnt walk properly and found it really hard to speak....i am feeling better now but feel it bubbling away just below the surface and im worried im going to slip back into it...i have good days and i have bad days...Great insight from @PheonixRising ...some deppresion IS situational and if the reasons for your deppresion dont change it can be hard to find any improvement ...also thyroid issues definately contribute to mood..i know a lady who also has this problem...is great that you @Pheonix_Rising discovered your hyperthyroidism and are getting treatment
catgirl🐾

In response to: How do you know if you are recovering from depression or not?

Shaz51Senior Contributor16 Jan 2018, 12:58 pm AEDT

Re: How do you know if you are recovering from depression or not?

sorry to hear you are feeling so poorly @utopia

sending you tender , loving hugs my friend

@utopia, you were saying ---The previous year after hospitalisation, I got well within a few months. I waa doing so great. -- what was different , can you focus on what was happening at that time and what you did

Mr Shaz is feeling like you at the moment , nothing seems to be helping , he feels like he is going backwards

In response to: How do you know if you are recovering from depression or not?

catgirlSenior Contributor16 Jan 2018, 12:59 pm AEDT

Re: How do you know if you are recovering from depression or not?

@Phoenix_Rising ...lol ..typed your name in right this time..sorry about the previous posts mispelling
😆😄😂
catgirl🐾

In response to: How do you know if you are recovering from depression or not?

Unknown userMember17 Jan 2018, 7:11 pm AEDT

Re: How do you know if you are recovering from depression or not?

Hi @utopia

I was sorry to read that you still feel depressed - it can feel a bit like being on auto pilot at times. I have had ups and downs with my mental health over the years similar to what you have described. Have you discussed this with your psychiatrist? Sounds like a review of your current anti-depressants may be required.

Is there anything that could be depressing you? Lonliness, lack of connection, lifestyle or health issues, unemployment, a lack of personal value etc that could be holding you back from feeling better? I felt a lack of purpose at one stage in my life and felt I had failed in life. This made me feel depressed. This is what I had to assess to help me address these issues to move forward from feeling stuck in depression - and did change meds a few times to ones that were a better fit.

I also discovered I had an unknown thyroid and hormonal imbalances that was also causing me to be depressed and anxious. Once this was addressed I did start to improve. Also adopting a healthier lifestyle, nutirition, adopting better thought patterns and exercise programme, finding a new purpose. All helped. And then having to deal with unresolved grief,,problems and stressors at home and so on.....There is no easy answer I found and keeping up the latter was not ever easy either. Just worth it eventually. I had to push myself and still do.

The complex part of depression is that it usually is a combination of things that cause it. And it did take some time, trial and error to work it out. We are all individual so there is are no black and white answers.

It's a work in progress I feel, so I don't know if anyone can say "I am there now and cured" - just as long as there is some improvement. So how do we know if we are recovering from depression? - when we are moving forward in life no matter how small the baby steps and "not going backwards". Where you are is not as good as it gets - it can get better. Hang in there my friend as we will walk this journey with you. Sending a warm hug xxx

In response to: How do you know if you are recovering from depression or not?

utopiaSenior Contributor17 Jan 2018, 7:53 pm AEDT

Re: How do you know if you are recovering from depression or not?

@Former-Member yes I fit lots of those areas.
Lonely
Fat
Unhealthy
Messy house
Messy garden
On WorkCover & Centrelink
No job or prospects of applying for jobs yet
Tight income
No motivation or energy
Numb
Just going through the motions
Vivid dreams
Bad diet
Sleep - too much or not enough - all over the place
Don't like myself
Just don't know how to start to move. I go walking with my worker once a week but can't motivate myself to walk on my own any other day - even with my dogs.
I just feel guilt that I haven't walked the dogs or cleaned the house or mowed the lawn or had a shower or changed the sheets or cooked a meal. So much guilt.

In response to: Re: How do you know if you are recovering from depression or not?

Unknown userMember17 Jan 2018, 8:30 pm AEDT

Re: How do you know if you are recovering from depression or not?

Throw away the guilt @utopia - all of us can relate to a lot of what is on your list and have been there to some degree. There are reasons why we can end up where our lives are not the way we want it to be. For me it was being very badly hurt and abused.

The main thing here is "finding a way" to get "our motivation back" to work on one issue at a time - with baby steps". Addressing what got us that way may be one way - finding inspiration and purpose another. Different things for different folks. Any small step forward is the road to recovery. This may be something to raise with your psychologist. Hang in there. Walking with you my friend xx

In response to: How do you know if you are recovering from depression or not?

utopiaSenior Contributor17 Jan 2018, 9:10 pm AEDT

Re: How do you know if you are recovering from depression or not?

Thanks @Former-Member

In response to: Re: How do you know if you are recovering from depression or not?

Unknown userMember17 Jan 2018, 9:18 pm AEDT

Re: How do you know if you are recovering from depression or not?

@utopia❤️💜❤️💜🌹xxxx

In response to: How do you know if you are recovering from depression or not?

BlueBaySenior Contributor18 Jan 2018, 9:25 am AEDT

Re: How do you know if you are recovering from depression or not?

Hi @utopia

i am so sorry you are feeling like this. I wanted to let you know that i am thinking of you and sending you a big warm hug

I do understand what you're saying and how you are feeling at the moment, i really do get it. Have youi told your psychologist about how you're feeling at the moment? Is there anything you can pinpoint that was changed from when you were feeling better last time when you came out of hospital?

Sending you love my friend

BB xxxooo

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