Daily goals, motivation and check in

Hi @eudemonism I think they mean self harm and suicidal ideation. I think people use the initials to aviod literally spelling it out and upsetting others, so I hope it's ok to say it. I think so, because the guidelines just say no details of such.

Catchin gup again @frog Are there small things you do for yourself? Just for you, not with the dog, not with anyone else, just you? My mind goes to craft, of course, there are many crafts - woodwork, lacemaking, crochet, paper work of many kinds, painting - perhaps I should use the words 'creative pursuits' instead of craft.

I noted you write. Is your writing always about MI or do you use writing to step away from that side of life to create another way to express your self?

would writing about your forest immersion walks be useful to recreate that lovely feeling perhaps. .. Just trying to throw things out there that might be ideas for you. I see you trying to find something that will be 'productive', which is what I used to do too, which is good, but, we also need something 'just for us' and that's what I'm trying for here.

I hope that might be of some help in some small way. Productive is good of course, but 5 minutes a day for ourselves is good too.

@eudemonism I'm feeling that too. I did mention my MI in the soon to be published in a journal bit of writing, not that it was about that. I am feeling exposed and it's not even published! Nevertheless, MI is part of me and I'm tired of pretending it isn't.

You're absolutely right @Former-Member It has been a struggle for me as long as I can remember - the need to be productive. I have a deep anxiety that if I'm not productive and useful, I'll be useless and abandoned. My ex abandoned me anyway, even though I did the heavy lifting for home, family, emotionally, so I know it doesn't follow.

My writing isn't all about MI, though your point about emphasis is good. I have read that if you want to write, setting aside a time each day is the way to go. That's a goal for the future. Right now, I'm struggling with my basic routine and that too feels like 'must do', not 'want to'.

Reading is just for me. I follow football (round ball!) and that really engages and interests me - it's a passion from my childhood, for no reason other than I love it!

I'm glad you have creative pursuits. What is your favourite?

I hear you @frog about all of that. The need to be productive is strong in many of us I think. Been programmed by society to feel that way. I too still have issues with the concept of 'just for me', but I have learned how terribly important it is, so do try to do something for me. Sometimes I combine the two, just for me and productive, that is mostly with my crochet - I don't have much of a use for purely decorative items since massively downsizing and trying to keep from regathering. I make one-of garments for myself, as my process of 'just for me'.

What I enjoy most is almost always a hand craft skill, at the moment it is tatting the edge on a couple of hankies for myself (ongoing saga in Craft Corner if you'd like to visit).

I even have difficulty growing flowers just for their flowers and not being useful in cooking. Yeah, how sad is that! I tell myself it is about the work/ gain ratio, but I think I'm going to plant a pot just for flowers in the coming weeks. My garden is container only and a very small space now, but I have herbs and a Bay tree and various other things that are useful. The gardening is a real joy to me though. There are some flowering shrubs and a few bulbs in the ground but they belong to the body corporate, I pick the flowers though.

During the marital years there was lots of troubles, as there is with so many of us, and we got some advice from someone I'd previously trusted (a religious body but where marriage was allowed). Ex had problems with me spendiing time crocheting at night instead of watching tv doing nothing. The Rev Mother sided with him as I was wasting finances on putting pretty edges on serviceable items like face washers. What they didnt' take into account was the number of gifts I made and the savings I made by doing those crafted items. I enjoyed the look on her face the day I handed the sister who had become a new mother the baby bath set with crocheted edges and embroidered towel and so on. Her judgement was so easy to make without letting me tell the full story. I have a name for those people and it's not a nice one!

I read every day, so maybe reading is my favourite - the only times I don't read is when I am really seriously way beyond low. I also sew, but that is often from necessity as I make my own clothes. But I enjoy the designing and then the choosing of fabric and the making it up - except when I mess up, but then the joy comes from being able to cleverly patch up the mistake so it looks like it was meant to be there!

Yeah, I have been having trouble for the past year getting back into my writing myself - I haven't managed to get to doing that 'just write thing' although I write so much of other stuff, just not my stories. go you for getting some work published, very nice. It is a 'thing' worrying about being exposed when you've written about yourself, so I can empathise there too.

Perhaps, just an idea, as it's what I do to combat that 'I have to' feeling, can you rearrange your set up so there is less to do, make others a bit responsible for some of their 'stuff' ( I think you have kids at home? or maybe I"m misremembering that).

One of the first psychs who was useful to me told me the younger kids were old enough to make their beds and get their own cereal breakfasts. Yep, I was the oldfashioned mother who did it all. they were 7 and 9.

So to make it easy, I changed their blankets and sheets for doonas and a bottom sheet and they had to just keep it straight. Set the stove timer for certain jobs and off we went. They hated that psych needless to say, but they are all very capable adults now, they had to be.

Probably too much information - sorry - I'm up way early because can't sleep, very bad night. Hope you find a way to help you get through each day @frog

@Former-Member love what you're saying. Have to rush off to work now, as I may be on the phone roster. Can't remember but I really hope not! I'll get back to you when I come home. Love the sound of your garden...more on that later

A slow start to today. Went to bed about 1am. Kept sleeping on and off until about 2.30pm. Even then I felt so heavy with sleep and fatigue I wondered how I could possibly do anything at all this day. A common feeling on starting my days.

And yet, since then, I've forumed, breakfasted, taken meds, thoroughly washed, dressed, groomed, brought in washing from the line, made bed and checked the mail. Sitting here ready to soon take on another task, it seems like a never ending source of amazement to me that I do get some things done after waking the way I do so often. Focussing on the strengths, though there are so many weaknesses I'm aware of too.

Wishing everyone the best for this afternoon and this evening. Maz

Hi @Former-Member Survived work. Now for the second shift at home. I am not at all successful in enlisting the help of my kids. I don't know where I've gone wrong. Sometimes I want to go on strike but I can't stand the chaos.

I am too often suprised by how judgmental and narrow minded people can be - the Rev Mother! Making gifts is something special, and I'm in awe of anyone who can make clothes.

Reading is a real escape for me, though there were years when I just could not do it. Partly depression and anxiety, and partly one of the mood stabilising medications. I don't at all understand how a medication can do that, but I've read of others with similar experiences. Disconcerting.

Three of us are crammed into a one bedroom unit, but having a tiny place means less cleaning, more reading, and I'm wanting to do gardening too. On the upside of the housing situation, we have two tiny courtyards. I have plans! I want to have a little kitchen garden in the front courtyard - herbs at least. The back is the dogs' - they are wrecking everything. There was lawn when we arrived, and shrubs. Love the dogs, but in my imaginings I can see a post dog garden there too.

I know you are having a hard week, with remembering terrible times. I'm sorry that I tagged you. I can't pretend to understand, but I am thinking of you.