Dialogue with Sane forum Forumites

@PeppiPatty

I have a very broad concept of what addiction entails. Substance abuse is only part of it ... the language we use these days is very different from the language and communication styles of our parents. I just hope that good communication opens up things in all sorts of ways ... yes to find help ... maybe to find hidden internal resources ... or to reframe old unhelpful patterns of thinking.

It was weird when I stayed overnight with my mother in palliative care ... there was a minor incident with excess morphine given orally because my mother was desperate and asking for more.

Your story about the support you received after the car accident is very interesting ... I guess the druggies were impacted sufficiently by the reality of your situation to actually do the right things for you ...for a while ...at least.

My brother's first wife had dreadful head injuries from her teenage car accident ... we took her needs seriously ... but she never developed as much as you have ... had dreadful alcohol and anger problems but a lot of support from family and small country town. My brother and I didnt get support ... we were always trying to support others and then drained and swept under. Its just part of my truth and loneliness. She is very direct and angry with everybody and gets excited when she can tell me what to do if I drive her around when we visit. Her 3 kids ... my nieces and nephew are doing finally ok ... some contact keeps bridges and good will open ... not that she was the one who raised them her mum did ...

re the family situations that @Mazarita described .. I saw it everywhere ... i didnt see it as typically Australian as they were German or Hungarian or other migrants. I didnt feel hard done by .. as most people seemed to be genuinely struggling ... but could not relate to my ex-husband's grudges against his family ... who put a lot of resources into caring for him ... the world he was from was so different to what I had ever seen ... except on tv ... but I still put my knowledge re MI into doing the best I could in our marriage.

@Appleblossom I've got 2 older sisters. It's kinda strange, cos I used to look at our family and I would see our family like the number 5 is on a dice - my sisters were a pair and my parents were a pair and I was the odd one in the middle. I guess when I got sick and it took ages for them to diagnose me, my sisters forged a bond in order to cope. I can understand that they needed each other. But I needed them too... and I still do. It's tricky cos though all of that is 'ancient history' and I try to be included in things, their bond is too strong to break through. Last year when one of my sisters was pregnant, I tried to be included in the baby shower plans etc, but it was all organised between the two of them. When it came to setting up for the party, they were doing all the decorations and when I offered to help they handed me a broom. Earlier this year they were talking about going on a family holiday to North QLD, which I was all for - as I'd love to snorkle in the Great Barrier Reef. Then one day, they turned up and announced that they had decided to holiday at the snow and that we had to come to. I made some excuse about not having the money to go, but I was then told that everyone else would absorb the accommodation for me. I stayed adament and refused to go. Money wasn't the issue, it was the fact that they were telling me what to do and once again not including me in the planning of things. It made me so mad! My family don't see me, hear me, know me or respect me. It's no wonder I feel more comfortable in my bedroom!

it makes total sense that you feel upset in those circunstances ... I believe sibling dynamics play a role in MI ... not so much as blame and being nasty ... but out of whack dynamics ... produced unbalanced senses of self esteem etc ... how to get "your power" back is an important question.. Our earlier conversation was about dominating women ...My 2 daughters were 5 and 7 years old than my son and not good at bonding with him.

With me it was the prevalence and dominance of older uncles and aunties in my experience of family.

Somehow developing independance is important ... dont give up on that ... because of the blow out at uni ... medicine is very strictly controlled ...

@Appleblossom Well, here I am at 30 and my social skills suck and I am apparently too emotional. I don't know how to be an adult. I wish I could go back to the early 90s (before I got sick), where riding my bike or watching cartoons all day was all I had to do. At least there were tv shows worth watching back then, not just reality shows! 🙂

I dont watch much tv... never have ... we mainly choose long playing shows to watch together ... I thought I was a failure as a mum because he refused to go out and ride his bike ... just started watching Six Foot Under ...

The concept of "social skills" is not clear ... I have thought I must have lousy social skills but enough others have said they are good enough but it was the social situation ... social skills are more than manners or telling friend from foe ...

Is your room big enough not to feel crowded in ... do you listen to music ?

@Former-Member you are far down roads I've never been able to travel, such as giving life and primary nurturance to children. As @PeppiPatty also suggested, things are hard for you at the moment and it's much harder to find peace about the past when you are under a lot of stress. Your compassion towards others on this forum even in the midst of what you are going through amazes me...

Gee whiz @Former-Member ... I spent a lot of time very anxious about not being able to afford a car when I was a single mum ... but now I can thankfully agree ... you dont need a licence to be a mamma .. but god I did a lot of chauffeuring as one.

Glad to hear from you even if you cant talk ...

Really glad to hear you have good support workers, @Former-Member. And I think I'm glad to hear that something will be moving again tomorrow, because that gets you one step closer to being through the ordeal. Doesn't matter that you can't give the details. Just good to know you are here and getting whatever support we can give you. Hugs (if you want).