Thanks @CheerBear. That was exactly the same take that I got from that talk. I’m kind of happy you did too. I think that although she talked about social media not being helpful because you rarely get to the kind of deep and vulnerable conversations, I was thinking that the forum was different because it’s a place where we really do do those things. I think I use emoticons instead of eye contact or body language to help convey that meaning too.
Hmmm last night......well yes and no. I would say that I mostly did. I did keep pushing myself to stay on the path but I also very mildly and safely did something that I knew would help me sleep through the night so I could start today in a much better place which has worked 😊.
My muddle of the last few weeks doesn’t feel so big just now. It began when I was told that I was dropped from cmh and therefore wasn’t eligible for any more support or programs. It was the pain that I had failed and was deemed unfixable that has had me very distressed. The reason I was given was that the psychiatrist was taking me on privately so I no longer qualified. I also was feeling very insecure as well and thought that she would retire and therefore they had got rid of me through a back door so to speak.
On Wednesday I learned that that was not true at all from the psychiatrist. I am not private and technically still part of cmh. It’s just that the funding model for her to see me is slightly different. The service now bulk bills me through Medicare but that money doesn’t go to the psychiatrist but the service which is technically the public hospital......I think. Long story long I broke down and let everything out to the psychiatrist and we talked about lots. She does want to help me and made some commitments to me that helped me feel like she had my back and that she genuinely thought she could help. She committed to the next 5 appointments fortnightly which was something I could hold on to and it felt like hope. She was also going to go in and bat for me to continue the support groups. I told her that I was ok for 6 months more of them and then understood that hopefully I will be on my feet a bit more to be more involved in community based things.
I think that renewed hope and learning more more about my brain from that TED talk and making those connections to what really happens for me helped lots get through something that only 3 months ago would have tipped me right over.....although having said that if it hadn’t been my sons biggest few weeks of his uni I may have pushed it too far too. I’ve had a big protective factor to stay safe in the last few weeks.
Thanks for being you through all this too @CheerBear, @Faith-and-Hope. I’ve been in a really strange headspace on the forum over the last few months. I should say in real life too. I’ve been grateful for your connection and support. You’ve both been and integral part of my growth and I always learn and am inspired by you. And @Appleblossom, you too. I can see how much you’ve grown over our time on the forum as well and that inspires me as well. And there are many others too, and that is forever evolving.
Much of the above I’ve got from the forum. 💜🤗
