your feelings about the use and 'misuse' of food in your life...

Thankyou for clarifying this @Faith-and-Hope

You've made a big difference to how I interpreted your previous posts. It makes heaps of sense now!

Sometimes I think I sabotage myself by blocking comprehension of concepts aimed at helping me. I'm intelligent, yet vague and foggy at times such as this.

You wrote;

"..when you do eat the cake, it takes away the struggle about saying yes or no ... and there are "healthier" cakes than others"

I found this very simple yet practical. Thankyou again..

So now I have a migraine coming on; I feel its presence. Must go and try to head it off at the pass. Struggling to see...

(Big wave to @Sahara)

I said "no" to one piece of cake today, could have should have siad "no" to the other if I was nobeing "nice " and should have just stuck to the beautiful fresh organic strawberries straight from the farm. Mostly today went alright socially. I provded brown rice crackers brie and cherry tomatoes

... I no longer do much cake at home.

I can do dreadfully decadent cakes and tend to choose to make cakes based on "real" food and usually choc mayo, banana date, carrot sultana, and a dozen cheesecakes. NO PAV. Now I make a cake every second year and thats enough for my son and I.

have only recently been able to afford to waste money on cake and somehow seemed to be in an angry circele of buying then eating. Hey I dont have to make it from scratch. I dont have to please the most demading palate.

SO food is HUGE for me and mixed as it is also about mothering role: providing nutrition and social fun partee times for others.

Maybe spending more on entertainment iand activities for me instead of food will be the healthier approach long term.

For best self care I should have said NO to the little bit of caramel slice .. it was not that good anyway, but I am programmed for Yeses before nos. Working on it.. Trying to train my mind to come up MORE often with a quick automatic pleasant friendly NO.

Hi Everyone,

well, Saturday was a bad day for me as far as junk food... but a good day in other ways... so I don't want to be dramatic and say that because I ate junk food, then my day was a "disaster".

Most days are neither black nor white. Even on a so-called bad day, good things can happen.

I have been struggling with a lot of self-criticism. If I eat junk food, then I feel bad, lazy, unattractive, and just plain wrong. I feel I am doing the wrong thing and sooner or later I am going to get in big trouble.

All this harks back to childhood and being told off and shamed for eating too much.

I can't just indulge in rich food and think "Ok, I ate too much- I'd better skip dinner and drink water and go for a walk". No. I can't do that. That is what a healthy person would do.

If I eat junk food, I retreat into feelings of shame. I go quiet. I wait for a voice out of no-where to denigrate me. It doesn't happen. Nothing happens. So I feel bad, because I'm sure I've done the wrong thing again. I'm no good. I stay very quiet and still and hope no-one notices me.

I might even leave the room, leave the cafe, leave the sceen of the crime. It is a bad feeling. I'm not a good person.

I try and distract myself with a nice book or some pressing task and wait for the feelings of shame to subside. Eventually they do. I don't like to mention to anyone how I feel.

It seems like my friends are constantly going on about dieting, weight loss and healthy eating. It feels like that's all they ever talk about. It must be only 5% of their conversation... but it feels like 50% of their conversation. It feels like their conversation must be directed at me, even though I know it isn't.

I wonder if they would like me better if I lost weight. No. How would that work? Of course they wouldn't like me better.

I half expect that they will tell me off for what I eat. Of course they wont, but it feels like they will.

Sometimes my sis makes comments about my weight. They are not terrible comments. They are gentle comments, in the great scheme of things. But I wish she wouldn't say anything. As though I am measured by my weight alone, and not what is in my heart. It hurts! It hurts that I am somehow not an ideal sister because I am not an ideal weight. How can that be?

Or maybe I am reading too much into things? Maybe I am hearing something that is not really being said.

I hope to be able to tackle some of these issues, head on.

Thanks everyone. xx

@Hope4me @Appleblossom @Faith-and-Hope @TAB @Jacques @Former-Member and all.

Attaboy @TAB ..... 😊

@Sahara..... you can recognise that your Inner Critic has assumed the role that other people were holding over you when you were younger ..... and it is carrying on the criticism. The antidote to this is developing a stronger self-compassion to help balance out the perspective of your Inner Critic ...... your adult Nurturer's voice needs to be heard ..... the one who steps up for other people. She needs to step up for you too ......

You can slowly change that self-talk to things like -

My weight will naturally start to balance itself out to whatever it's supposed to be when I stop stressing about what I put in my mouth. If my diet is around 80% high nutrition food, then the medium and low nutrition elements are not make-or-break ...... and food is not about nutrition alone ...... it's about self-care ..... and today I am choosing to care for myself in this heat with an icecream ..... so I am going to go ahead and enjoy it.

It takes practice ......

I found your posts helpful @Sahara @Faith-and-Hope

I have had to rejig my whole attitude to food and my sense of deserving real self care. To not punish my self or overindulge.

Last week I bought that icecream in the heat.

Today I thought about it, walked past the same booth and then bought some clothes instead. Had my apple and water in the train and just ate and ate when I got home ...chicken mayo sandwiches including lots spinach.I figure hanging around the fruit and veg store or section of supamarket is the way to go ... and let a few treats slip in.

If I am not proactive in the shopping aspect then it is too easy to buy junk so ... I keep it a priority that there is always lots of salads available now it is summer ...

I also had a lovely chat to the lady in the shoppers outlet and told her about my Apple tantie about NOT being a shopper and

that I really appreciate a lady who does her job ... and she was good old school brick and mortar rag trade ... I put a few years in that industry and so do know how it is supposed to go ... we both made each others day ... and I have ticked off my clothing shop for the year ... cos of my neck I hate trying things on ... so I just do a raid .. and blitz it... real business like.

I am still working out my appetites - for work people food water books music entertainment

maybe even

Hey @Sahara;

I read your post with a heavy heart. It really got to me. All those sad words and phrases describe a life of feeling 'marked'. That's how it looks to me anyway.

People talk about food, shopping, diet, adiction, weight and so on, but no-one's expressed 'that' pain as you have. I know it too.

It's late and I probably shouldn't be on here, but I had to add my comments so you'd see them tomorrow as I may not have the chance then. You've sort of opitomised when food becomes love. In a little girls life, it may be all she has to comfort her.

Growing up, she uses the same technique because it works; it helps to numb the pain then as you say it becomes her shame. It's just as formidable as the pain which began it all. For me it was taking the blame off others and absorbing it as mine. I carry the weight of a hundred guilty souls on my shoulers.

I don't know what else to say except, I'm overflowing with empathy and understanding for your feelings; for you. Please know there's someone else out there that knows 'it'. The demon - self loathing.

The only answer lies in being kind with ourselves. To give ourselves 'real' love in the form of gentleness and guidance.

Thankyou for reminding me of my deep sadness. It doesn't lead me anymore, but to forget it is to deny myself my truth. Will chat again soon.

Hope xo

Hello @Sahara, @Hope4me, @Appleblossom, @Faith-and-Hope, @TAB

how is everyone going today , I have craving for coffee and sugar today