Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away: No responses please

I'm still in shock from my car accident.

Today I've been dizzy & nauseous, for most of the day. I feel terrible.

Very achy in my arms, shoulders & neck, although that has eased.

I've done my best to rest & to look after myself - I did not expect to feel worse over the weekend.

I'm feeling vulnerable, & I've lost some sense of safety - from the accident.

Feeling a bit scared.

Adge

No reply needed, thanks, I'm just putting this out there as everything's so jumbled up.....

Husband sleeping alot due to medical issues; he thinks I'm having an affair with my new friend, Andrew. Our random meeting was meant to be, no other way to explain how much alike we are (different childhood traumas)...its like interacting with my reflection, we both have trust issues and fear abandonment, I think we are both trying to analyse our relationship too much...if I don't text or talk to him every couple of days, I miss him so much. He finds it difficult to express his emotions because his mother told him, and continued to tell him, if he ever made a move on a girl he was a rapist. And his mother abandoned him when he was very young. He always looks out for me and would never hurt me. I'm still in therapy for multi childhood trauma, and he has been so supportive of me. I tell him there is the ages and stages child part of me in our relationship, but the other person is someone who is trying to learn to be an adult. My psychologist thinks he is the best thing to happen to me because he ......

...continued from previous post.

No reply needed, thanks, I'm just putting this out there as everything's so jumbled up.....

My psychologist thinks he is the best thing to happen to me because he allows me to experience good stuff in my childhood with him (we walk in the park, drink chocolate milk and eat chocolate, and talk or not talk) and he laughs at the "child" who offers a children's book for him to read and press the buttons for the different sounds of various animal "fa.ts". And then goes through the book again, with me grinning from ear to ear.

A few weeks ago I texted my Lil Bro/ Andrew and asked if he might like to read me some Winnie-the-Pooh poems. The next time we met, I pulled the book out of my bag, we sat on the grass at the park, and he read three poems for me. My psychologist tells me Andrew is helping rewire my brain. Andrew is just so special to me. I do tell him regularly but words are just words, actions do speak louder.

I have previously mentioned he may be a narcissist but I really don't think he knows how to express emotion, and I've been there, too. He has such a high IQ, and knows so much about so much, but I watch him struggle with what may be churning inside him. Good night.

****no response wanted, thanks, this is better written down than the jumbled thoughts in my head*****

This is still about my friend Andrew, who I call my little brother. I adore him as my brother and as my friend, because we have both had traumatic childhoods and "get other" and so many common interests. We can meet up and talk about anything and he just soothes my soul.

I regularly text him just to keep in contact and to let him know I'm always there for him. One night he texted me to say he was thinking about using meth again. I phoned him straight away and asked if he was ok and we talked for over an hour. When I spoke to him yesterday he told me that him reaching out to me,and my listening to him, really helped, because he went for a very long run after that and the cravings were lesser. He said he'd never reached out like that to anyone before, and he realised that though he'd never done that before, he realised there are people who care, and it helped talking to someone about it.

More later.

****no response wanted, thanks, this is better written down than the jumbled thoughts in my head*****

Continued from previous post: had to leave quickly before I missed my bus to work.

This is still about my friend Andrew, who I call my little brother. I adore him as my brother and as my friend, because we have both had traumatic childhoods and "get each other" and share so many common interests. We can meet up and talk about anything and he just soothes my soul.

I think he is starting to believe that he can trust me, and that I won't leave him. He has abandonment issues because his mum left him when he was quite young and he hasn't had any constants in his life. I originally thought he was a narcissist but I don't think he knows how to talk about or express emotions, I think his life has been about too many losses and abandonment issues so he is too scared to reveal his vulnerable side as so many people have promised so much and not delivered. He is so intelligent and articulate and looks after me. I so want him to meet someone special so he can have a loving relationship, and if possible children, because that is what he wants and he gets incredibly lonely which leads him to thinking about using again. He is just such a kind and decent person. When he does meet that someone special I will remind him that that relationship with that person trumps a brother/sister friendship, but I am always close by if he needs me.

Better stop before I start crying....just breaks my heart that all he wants is to be loved.