Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away: No responses please

Oh golly @Adge

You have been given a bad case of "The Shoulds from Other People" from other people and they can really hurt

Yes - in some ways we "should" have a family to share with - have a good time - have nice presents etc - and I have spent Christmas Day alone too - or only spent a short time with people - and I know how devastating this can be - darn it - is.

And now today you have had a demand to work tomorrow - and with someone you don't know - and this is so rough on you when you really need time to yourself

Tell me - are you under contract to accept work whenever they want you? It seems strange that you will get work like this when it is time off for so many workers. Personally if I felt as you do I would say "No" but then I don't know what the circumstances between and your employers are.

But it does seem that other people are busy saying "No" and they will hound you during your break because this is how they operate and wanting you to work at this time with no notice is a really bad downer

I'm sorry Adge - it seems as if this company is really tough on you because you are such an obliging person and it's not at all fair or right. This happens to people who are single - it hasn't happened to me but I know other single people I know have had this kind of deal planted on them because "that's how these people operate"

I'm sorry Adge - try and insist on not working - they must have other carers to work and also - spending so much time taking on work with new clients is also hard

And the Christmas stuff - I certainly understand that one - my family of origin is toxic and most of my daughter's family (wonderful people btw) are steps and I am on the outside

Yes - that is hard Adge

What a rotten, bl^^dy time you are having

I care - Dec

Thanks heaps @Owlunar

Yes my family of origin are (or have been) toxic, too.

That's why I live in a different city, actually a different state on the other side of the country...

Technically I'm contracted to work 3 hours each day (most days).

But they did not roster me on at all for this week (& Monday, Tuesday next week).

So although I have not technically taken leave - as far as I'm concerned, they cannot expect me to be available to work. I may well have gone away (on a trip) for the week.

Yes perhaps I have been too obliging, & have said yes far too often, usually at extremely short notice (like 1 hour or 30 minutes).

That's probably why I get called early in the morning, when I could be unavailable (or away).

I'm sorry to hear that you have these family (& other) struggles too.

Adge

Hi @Adge

In February you might be able to find where there are classes in learning how to be Assertive - I have done these myself and they work - I can be reallty assertive now and say "No"

Ah - one idea would be not to answer your phone in the morning - they can leave a message - anyone can leave a message - or if you are using your mobile for these work-related calls then don't respond to their calls and get back a short time later and the line for you to use is that you are unavailable - everyone has the right to be unavailable - that is being assertive - and also - you have the right to say "No" and to be unavailable and spend your time the way you want to without explanation over the holidays

They are so rough on you

About family - yes - my Dad was okay - I got along with him well - but after he died things went really sour.

Nothing that has happened is outside the range of human suffering - some things like having my son die are harder - as @Former-Member knows - but the toxicity in my familty of origin - that seems to be very common among members here - and really hard to live with and better to keep away from

Putting a continent between yourself and vexatious spirits - good idea - of course it would be great to have family about to share our lives with but I have found that the last 25+ years of my life - after the turmoil of my past - might be quiet and maybe I am isolated - but it is better that what I used to have

Not easy though Adge - I get it

Dec

Thanks @Owlunar Yes I agree with what you said - lots of wisdom there.

23 years I've been on the other side of the continent.

From what you said, it seems we have some similar experiences.

The family dynamic changed a lot since Dad died last year.

Despite him copping all the blame etc, he seemed to be the one who was holding everyone together (they never saw that).

Mum has no-one to blame now, although she still blames Dad long after he has gone.

Since then, even the brother who I was closest to is virtually not in contact with me at all.

It's been a tough & unexpected adjustment, these past 2 years (almost).

Adge

Dear @Sans911 I can relate to how you feel as I fall into a similar category. Faith and hope seem like the

proverbeable donkey & carrot on a stick scenario! The faster one tries to reach the object it's always out of reach. One can only live in hope that providence will change things and as time passes, better offerings are on the horizon. Take care and hugs from all of us on this forum. - Bimby2

I'm worried that for me, being a member of any forum is bound to do more harm than good. My head and heart aren't in the right place to try to help anyone anymore, and there's just no dispelling the sense of otherness. There's no excusing the wasted hours reading sad, desperate tales and watching as others band together to offer hope, a smile, or an "I know what that's like." Worse still, there's no excusing the bitterness toward those suspected of playing pretend, the system, everyone else for fools, but ultimately playing themselves with the double lives and lies. Bitterness that rots to the core. So I don't intend to return, if only I could turn my resolve and will to stone, encased around that all-too human need for connection and cast it out to sea.

A very rough day, badly dissociated. I tried all sorts of things to ground myself, or to make myself more present.

Nothing helped (much).

I finally managed to go out to do a short shopping trip (food) - then came home to find that cat had taken the opportunity to shred an entire roll of toilet paper, & destroy things.

She's often very destructive, & targets her efforts when I'm not there - so not able to prevent it.

That was the last straw, I haven't been able to pick up after that...

Adge

Hi @Adge, I can empathise with you re your cat. I have a female cat 14 mths old who seems to get resentful when I go out and gets up to all sorts of mischief. Couldn't even have out a small artificial Xmas tree as she would have great delight in tearing and clawing it apart! So be it. If she is reallly naughty into the "naughty room" until she calms down. Do hope this year of 2018 will find peace and solace for you and the cat will improve in behaviour. Hugs and cheers from us on this forum to you. Bimby2