Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away: No responses please

Was extremely tired and have a cold and went to bed early - should have known better I knew I wasn't in a good headspace but was feeling exhausted and running a fever (with added body aches) so thought I would sleep anyway - WRONG! Nearly got to sleep and then one of those horrible flashbacks happened - again... now I not only feel tired and achey but I also have a sore throat, massive headache and feel very sick. If the lights were turned off now I would happily not fight it. Is this likely to happen - no. Do I wish it could - yes. Will I get through this again - most likely!

Even though others have said that I have improved over the last few months there are some things that I can categorically say haven't change - the main one is my confidence - I have none! This is not anew 'phenomenon' - I have had a distinct lack of confidence in myself foras long as I can remember- and even though there are a lot of things that I do like about myself - I don't actually like myself. When you have been put down, stood on, walked over, discarded and used and abused so much - how the hell do you ever feel worthwhile or wanted by anyone. For so much of my life (nearly all of it) I have felt fear, hate and self loathing- not my fault - but that doesn't change the facts - so why would I not want to end all this.

Future - what future! If I can't move past the past or live in the present - then there is no future. Am I angry - definitely YES, am I defeated - almost, can I continue to deal with this pain - not sure, will I one day give up trying - probably, am I living now - no, will I survive tonight - most likely.

Whatever the night brings, the only certainty is that the sun will rise in the morning, and hopefully I will be around to see it.

I am here sitting you my sister @Zoe7. You will have to start by valuing yourself more and not caring about others think of you. You are beautiful and loving person. This is going to take some time but I have faith that you wil heal but not only heal but thrive. You have got this. Love you to the moon and back

I was going to give painting a go but now my eyes are raining again - damn you little sis - you have done it again

@oceangirl

What about all the amazing things we see @Zoe7. I usually don't reply here but I'm breaking my rules. In my long post I lost to you I had written how inspired I was with your fight, that you keeping on fighting helps me more than you'll know. I'm in awe of your kindness and gentleness on here. You have some amazing gifts that you give everyday and you don't need to be anyone else but you on that day, that hour, that moment. I know there are sooo many moments that we feel defeated. I'll cross my fingers tonight that you find your incredible strength to see the day tomorrow. Let's not worry about the future yet, and the past can take a running jump, all that's important is now.

Ps I'll expect you to recall this to me soon enough too. It's easy to forget when we are in the trenches.

Love and hugs 💜🤗💐

That's a fabulous pic @oceangirl. Thank you for your kind support before too. I'm heading to bed but will try to catch up tomorrow. I hope you sleep well 💜🤗💐

You made me cry @Former-Member - but that wouldn't be hard - seem to be doing that a lot today.

This is how I feel everyday - I want to end it and stop 'fighting'. I may have come a long way in some areas but that does not stop me wanting to not feel or think anymore. This has become one of my favourite phrases lately: I am but a small fish in a very large ocean and as soon as I disappear into the darkness I will soon be forgotten! That is just the way it is @Former-Member

@utopia She's bs you. I've had the same thing before and just had to submit a new medical certificate. Just see your GP and tell him. He should be able to write it for up to three months and it shouldn't be questioned in light of your recent hospital admission. My last doc thought my condition was permanent and so wrote that without understanding the ramifications. I then was asked to have an assessment by centrelink social worker who then gave me exception for a year! I would just put it in anyway. It sounds like you came across someone with attitude.