Like others on here I see this as an opportunity to just release some worries and pent up frustrations and walk away:-
I see some very sad and distressing situations in my volunteer work. This does not effect me detrimentally in the least if I am able to help - makes me feel a sense of purpose and achievement. Making a difference in the world instead of thinking over my own woes too much. But if I don't achieve that I can feel the opposite - failure. It's a risk and I am a risk taker. I like a challenge - if that isnt there I can feel very unmotivated very quickly. And feel unchallenged currently - not sure if that is stress making me feel that way (not achieving much).
I like to be where I can make a difference or do nothing. I am a all or nothing person. No inbetween or compromise. Can't stand any compromise over what is the right thing to do. How do people like that sleep at night? They think they are safe until they wake up one day feeling empty. I am afraid of feeling like that if I fail. I don't think I am perfect, not by a long stretch, quite the opposite - but I do know what it is like to have the wrong thing done to me.
I have encountered people recently at work whom attempt to take advantage of myself and the assistance our organisation offers - how can people be so callous, don't they know they taking out of the mouths of the poor and disadvantaged???? Do they realise that these funds can run out and people will suffer - because of their selfishness and greed?????? They take the good for granted - a mistake as one day those resources may run out because of people like them that suck dry the resources and those who give so selflessly.
And we have had volunteers who have "stolen money from our shop". I have to contain my anger - how can one not judge under these circumstances. They are there for to serve themselves not others. But the managers allow them to work there again. Where is the leadership as to me this is so wrong. And the fact So few want to serve others. Only care about themselves and direct family. And then will say "what is wrong with the world". So frustrating!!!! Are they truly that blind. (Frustration building).
And then there are others who can't see how good they have it in ways - whom are so "self absorbed" and "whinge over everything with not one thought of those who are worse off!!" Self absorbed in their own depression and anxieties, even to the point when good things happen they will look for any excuse to be depressed and self absorbed again! Will only listen to those who pamper their "woe is me" and not point the truth out to them (which would be really helping them). So hard to watch this bs.
As well as experiencing them take out their pity party and anger on their partners or others around as whipping boys. Only concerned with "how they are feeling". No on the damage they themselves are doing. And if any positive suggestion is made they can't have that and shun the receiver - that would mean to heal and to not become so self absorb!!! Not to be the centre of attention anymore. So selfish!!! Selfish people rile me up as it's all about them - while so many others give and suffer so much in silence!!! It's pathetic. Why can't they extend themselves beyond themselve.....so frustrating to observe that I move away.....Not out of judgement just frustration.
It helps to see that counteracted here where some others offer love and support - there's the needed balance but oh so rare. I though maybe I should hold these frustrations in, but having done that in the past I know it will only resurface in depression etc so better to just let it out, the walk away from it to get on with it.
Needed to go get that out. I think all I see and experience can be a huge load - and to see so called volunteers be there because they can get something out of it for them and not care a hoot about those doing it tough really gets to me. They shouldn't be there. Why can't some people care beyond their own needs?
And the good ones can be treated like crap....
Maybe I lack patience but so sick of selfishness and greed in this world - it causes so much neglect and misery. So over it at times....knowing it's the root of most mental anguish...
I am worried about the possible upcoming house move...hoping I am making the right decision, hoping it doesn't become too stressful. There is so much money involved that we worked and suffered so much for. Hoping it will be a positive experience as the last few years have been very tough and although I did well getting through, I need a balance. I need something "good to happen for a change". Good things for good people instead of trials and adversity. Wouldn't it be nice.
