Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away: No responses please

Hi @cloudcore. I'm still struggling but ok. Sorry for not replying to the email — I don't always reply to emails.

I don't know why my thoughtss have to race all the time. And I keep having conversations in my head over and over with people I'm not even speaking to.

Sitting with you @outlander. XXX

I'm currently listening to my music. Have been sleeping somewhat decently but have an odd schedule. So I wake at odd hours.
Anyway, I'm sick of this stupid pandemic. Social isolation. Lockdowns. Safety restrictions due to TW mental health problems causing self-harm issues. Eventually restrictions will be lifted when I see a psychiatrist several times. My heart races to know what I'll be forced to tolerate because of NDIS problems which aren't being fixed. Psychiatric unit can be supportive either, except medically which my GP is against as it's better that I have community treatment through a psychiatrist instead of inpatient. Honestly this shit is doing my head in!
I'm getting my support worker to take me on a hugely long drive today while I cry and listen to music and possibly read as well. My support worker is totally understanding and a very lovable person. Can't wait till she arrives later today! She keeps telling me to think more positively yet she also realises what I'm dealing with and wants to get other people involved with my burdensome issues because she knows I'm trying to avoid being hospitalised.
I'll make heaps of hot drinks this morning and when I get home, will make more hot drinks and eat my tub of ice-cream. I also like these forums so will be back here. I'm just so upset with everything, I have support available but am trying very hard to avoid life support as it will be hard to recover from that. I'm staying as active as possible too. That reminds me, I need to get rid of some furniture so I can put some exercise equipment in place of that furniture. I need to burn off steam in a non-harming way, somehow. Of course there are other problems which can creep up which occured years ago, but apparently my GP will fix this too, before it becomes a huge mess. My GP is appealed that hospital docs won't offer any support except to save my life. My GP is doing more good than just saving lives. I hate wasting his time but he thinks I'm not wasting time by chatting with him because it's another reason for me to keep going. He thinks mental health is just as vital as physical health.
I just want my thoughts to stop racing. I just want life to work out for me. I'm fed up with just "distracting" myself, all the time! Why can't life just work? Why does the Government have to be so frigging difficult? Honestly? This is ridiculous. Now we're having countless injections for Covid and yet we're all being treated like dogs because some stupid politician thinks it's ok if we all catch flu, gastro etc, but somehow Covid isn't ok. Yet the same politician can't step back and let us all free because our vaccinations are supposed to make us more immune so why not be free to go about normally again? This crappy pandemic is making me insane. It's truly ruining me.
I also hate the lack of support in other areas of life. Now I know why some family members have gone mad and off the rails. I'm starting to get so much like my father, it's bloody crazy. I never thought the day would come where I would take on my father's likeness. This is scaring me. I really would prefer to live all alone in a stinking cave. Maybe I'm loved by some, but the Government is sending me the message that I don't belong in society. Please tell me I've got it wrong? I wish I could be proven wrong. But time and again, the Government has let me down. I don't want to let any of my supporters down by letting my rage guage explode either. So I keep my music playing, I write horrible things privately and I write here too, just not in a horrible fashion because I like to be somewhereat honest but I know someone will read this so I keep my horrible writings to myself. There is also some really terrible music which I like too, but I can't share that on these forums either. So I listen to it to feel enjoyment in some way, without making other people upset. There are some really horrible books I like to read too, books which are written elloquently yet are very upsetting and offensive so again, I can't share them.
Anyway, what else can I say? Other than get up, make a coffee and start my day yet again? Every day is the same for me. Sorry for making this post so long, I just have to write somewhere. I know most people will understand. I just want a holiday. I want somebody to take me out for two days to experience nature, to experience life away from oome. And only for two days here and there!!! It's not like I'm asking for much. Just a few days here and there where I can camp for two nights somewhere, buy some memorabilia, souvenours etc, to remind me of what's good in life. But Mr. Monster NDIS is being a prck and denying all of this mental health and well-being support for me because apparently my disability isn't "that bad". Oh no! Of course not! Other people aren't living it! It looks great on paper. But reality sucks and I bloody want it to change. PLEASE! I just want everything to work out better for me.

This is why I think it's a good idea to pre-caution readers when doing a triggering or distressing/offensive post, in my opinion @HenryX. This way people can getso a feel for what they'll read straight away, and they can choose to read or not read. And, I also find puttinag things in brackets like "not intended to sound nasty", or something of the like, would give people a heads up that you aren't intending to personally attack them or other people.
It's good that you brought up this subject as it's important that everybody respects everyone else on here. @HenryX I'm finding these forums to be a really good support network for me. And I've personally applied some suggesttions to my own life with great results! We're all unique in our own way and everyone has the right to think and feel how they will in a safe manner.

@Emelia8 I think the problem with posts being deleted too is, people can't even decide if they should or should not read those posts. People aren't given enough responsibility to make their own choices about what they will or will not take from discussions if posts are deleted. I also find it disheartening that due to annonymity, we're all put in the same "box" as it were, and it is presumed that any deleted posts for example, are too triggering for most people. This takes away autonomy people those who may be able to read posts, and from those who possibly can't read them but are not given the chance to decide for themselves that they cannot read such posts.
On the other side of the coin, I guess moderators of these forums are also trying to prevent issues from arrising which could cause danger in some circumstances, or possibly blow annonymity in other cases, too. This would be true if someone creates a post and at the time, may not be aware of such a decision until it's too late; which means later people may wish to retract a post but problems have already developed by then. So there's grey areas in all of these posting dilemas, I think. In saying that, you @Emelia8 and @HenryX are correct about people not being able to understand current conversations properly if some posts are deleted but not others. Maybe a solution could be for the moderators to either do more post editing to cut out information that is too personal like phone numbers and locations and such, and then give the person the opportunity to re-do their post in a different way, maybe? This would include editing the post again or just re-doing it later when the person feels better or more able to think through what they're writing about.

@Daisydreamer I must admit I am with @Arizona with their comments about lack of responses. When I read a post and it says something like "no replies, please", or something of that nature, you'd think most people would understand this and respectfully accept that anybody who writes here will not expect a reply. There is numerous opportunities in these forums to reply to posts any time we wish, so if you read a topic that asks for no replies, then it would be a good idea to take replies to posts elsewhere, instead of responding where responses are unwanted/unwarranted. I don't mean to be offensive @Daisydreamer, but constantly reminding members that I'd like no response every time I write a post when it is already stated in the first post of the thread, is very irritating and I find, very unnecessary.
I also don't respond to emails from moderators because while they're looking out for my safety, I do not wish to blow my annonymity, not to anybody, on these forums either here or via email, unless I explicitly reach out to SANE via email myself. Otherwise, I am finding these forums safe and supportive and if I have a problem, I can reach out for help. I have supports available outside this forum environment as well, so even if moderators try to assist me, they don't know my situation or where I'm located, so unless it's definitely an urgent emergency issue, I would prefer if my support network is not interfered with unless my life is immediately in danger, or I express my wish to be assisted by moderators. Thank you and have a good day!

This is what I thought too, @Anastasia.