Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away: No responses please

Hello @Former-Member I am a little concerned by you post as I am not sure how to interperet your strong expression of anger and resignation. You have not addressed it to anyone, which is fine. I just hope though that you are safe and not in any danger.

take care

Whitehawk

@Former-Member , I am safe

Just like the embers from a slowing dying flame

My time here is almost done

I have loved and lost

I have known joy and sadness

I have know pain

But I have also know love

Your friendship, your trust

Your love and touch have taken me so far

I've grown so much

Thank you for your love

Thank you for your time

You have given me my freedom

You've allowed me to shine

Time to go, time to fly

It's with great love and sadness

I say goodbye.

Please know I am safe for now, this was just stuck in my head and didn't want to put it anywhere else.

Thanks for clarifying that you are safe @Former-Member, we are glad to hear that 🙏

I am exhausted, just want to sleep all the time. My kids know a little, just enough for them to keep a keen eye on me. Had to tell my son today (doesn't live with me) because one for his sisters told him her version of what is happening. To see the pain and anguish in his face after me telling him that there really wasn't anything he could do to help was painful. I just want to go to sleep now. I am causing to much pain for the ones I love the most.

I'm a worthless, useless piece of sh*t.

I've never been good enough ... not now, not ever ... and I never will be good enough. Nothing changes.

Stick my head up, and get shot down in flames ... put a hand out, and have it treated with disdain.

Worthless .. useless ... no purpose ... no hope.

Nothing ... thats what I am ... a 'nothing'.

Its as though I dont exist. I'm never heard ... rarely understood.

@outlander Sitting with you, strong soul It is okay to rest, to re-gain your strength, allow yourself a moment of rest if you need.

@Former-Member Sitting with you in this heaviness. That love is powerful. You are powerful too 💕

@Former-Member To feel misunderstood can be painful. Sitting with you too friend.

I wake up in the morning

YEs yes i'm safe.

I'm one for writing it all down. but usually its got a trace so in the legacy of worry room here it is.

YOu say you want to help,

but then you turn away.

i tell you of my hurt

but you have nothing to say.

i wonder who will care

and who will really stay.

for one day this will end

i'll make sure that way.

I wish i could cut away the agony. the pain that never should have been.

but should have been thats my problem, using words you said i shouldn't.

without even going to the dreaded place of abuse

we stop before the bus has left and still i'm left confused.

why did it have to be me? why was it not the other? it was never her job to comfort me?

and yet these unanswerable questions send me on the round about.

the merry go round looks so enchanting but the driver never stops. i call out for my head to stop spinning but the controller disregards my dizzyness.

THe dizzyness gets faster, the pain it yells louder.

then comes nothing,

then comes pain,

then comes me

dissociating in the rain.

you call to me but do not say my name.

WHY DOES NO ONE SAY MY NAME.!!!!

there must be some unwritten rule much like the other rules i've known.

do not tell, do not feel, don't trust.

most of all never trust anyone.

they are wrong, our way of being in you and to control you is the only way of life.

"resistance" i hear him whisper.

His voice is gentle but that is scary.

"Help you" he offers

but help is never allowed.

I am the problem.

I am the ******* up goods.

Never will i heal

never will i accept your offer for care

Never wil i be helped.

I can not be. My brain, My nervous system destroyed beyond all use.

So i offer to you nervous system isn't there a way?

HEre we join the ferris wheel of questions ever staying.

What would it take for someone to prove they are worth your time and effort?

SAFE??