Worry Room - Get it out, and walk away: No responses please

I feel like I'm in a war zone rather than piecing some of my life together. A while ago I met another internal child, faced some memories I really wish I never had to, and met some more of my growing internal family. Everything I'm doing is wrong. Instead of building bridges, I'm burning them instead. I'm tired of an endless journey without rest areas. Out of the frying pan into the fire. When is enough enough???? I'm beyond any kind of feelings atm. I want it all to end.

@Maggie sorry to hear you're going through a really tough time. I know this is a 'no response' page, but as forum moderators we have a duty of care to ensure all of our community members are safe. Given the nature of the page and know others may not respond, we wanted to check in on your safety.

Do you have someone you can speak to right now?

If not, we know some really helpful services. Unfortunately, we are not a crisis service, but some places you can call now for support are;

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Crisis Chat

Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467 or online counselling

Samaritans: 135 247

If in immediate danger: 000

If you are feeling suicidal, it’s really important to call one of the numbers above. You don’t deserve to go through this alone.

Note to self: don't be too hard on yourself. There's alot of things changing in your life and it will take time for things to settle down. You will be adjusting to new and different waking and sleeping hours now that you don't go to work. I realise it is freaking you out that there is no need to set the alarm clock, and that if you sleep in until 5.30 am the day is not wasted! There are no shoulds and oughts in all of this. You are slowing down a bit and trying to relax...enjoy the two weeks you have given yourself to you, before you begin a job search..remember, you don't want to work full-time again...try to be patient with yourself. Cherish the opportunity to try new and different things.

Another note to self: smell the home-made soup that you have simmering on the stove. Congratulate yourself on the conversation you had with your therapist this morning. Enjoy that feeling that everything is going to be alright. Sometimes there are moments of doubt when those inner voices attempt to take over, but you know that taking that redundancy was the right thing for you to do....your mental health is worth more than anything, and during the course of these past years, you have come far. Celebrate the small things.

Hey @NatalieS : too much going on in your head, too much to process, lots of conflicting thoughts and emotions, too much confusion, too much misunderstanding between Andrew and you at the moment (we are both so alike and so scared of being abandoned by the other, and as we both have mental health issues sometimes its almost impossible to say what we mean in a way that the other gets it and understands and doesn't freak out), its a different kind of stress. Need to hide away for a while to deal/cope with the anxiety. Taking a mini vacation from the forums until things settle down and my eye stops twitching....at the moment only thinking/coping with achievable tasks....everything else seems too much of a burden.

Saw my pdoc yesterday and discovered (admitted to myself) that I have pent up anger due to trauma which I experienced alot of si feelings going on. Might have to do some more drawings on my arms and play my music up loud (with ear phones on). Also getting paranoid ... medication being upped for that. I have so much guilt when will I get over my guilt?? So I do a Johnny Cash on myself ...

Blah, blah, blah. That's all I hear around me. Words are like a river; they just flow away. My mind is so busy one minute, quiet the next. Except for the incessant suicidal voice ticking like a clock, ever present. Telling me that many things won't change, like the relationship with my mother. Some things will always continue to be difficult to navigate, right until the very end. Will I even get those things I desire in life? My suicidal mind whispers never ever. You aren't deserving or worthy of these. You are always going to struggle to get along in life. So end it soon, make sure you do right this time.