Scared depressed

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@STORMGRL101 wrote:

@Phoenix_Rising I feel like a terrible person for wanting to die to escape this hell that I am in when there are people who lose their lives due to tragedy who deserve to still be alive. And also it would hurt my family very much.

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@STORMGRL101 I too often want to die. Like you, I know the where and how. The "when" is any moment that I choose it to be. I don't have any family, but I know it would hurt people here in Forum Land if I suicide. So...based on your logic, does that make me a terrible person too?

@Phoenix_Rising I see your point now, we are both not terrible people

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@STORMGRL101 wrote:

@Phoenix_Rising I see your point now, we are both not terrible people

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I think you are right @STORMGRL101. We are just people who struggle with very big painful feelings. Not terrible people, just people doing the best we can in super difficult circumstances.

I have big 'missing' feelings today. It hurts that someone can be a big support to you and you see them every week and suddenly you can't see them anymore because they've moved onto another job. I really miss her.

@STORMGRL101 The gigantic missing-someone feelings super suck. I am still super struggling with the loss of my uni counsellor almost two years ago. I really don't think mental health professionals have a strong sense of how painful and damaging such losses can be. In my experience, whenever I try to express the intensity of such a loss I just get told that I'm being unreasonable expecting a mental health professional to stick around long term.

you are right @Phoenix_Rising i dont thnk anyone understands how upsetting and damaging these losses are. they say 'oh we will find you another lovely psychologist or support worker' but NO i dont want another I just want THEM! This year I've lost my psychologist who i saw every month for 3 years and just a few weeks ago my support worker who i saw every week for the past year and half. She was my biggest support this year when my mental health took a bad turn 6 months ago and dealing with this mental illness with added feelings of loss is sooo painful

@STORMGRL101 yep it super super SUPER sucks. I wish I could do more than simply tell you that I hear you.

So today i managed to clean the kitchen, wash the towels and cook dinner
Now I feel so down in the dumps
I feel alone
and empty. Its not supposed to be like this

Hey @STORMGRL101, I must have missed your tag in this thread the other night (apologies for that as email server went down for maintenance).

I've only had ECT as an inpatient, as I lived alone and it was considered too risky for me to return to a home alone after a general anaesthetic. I've had a number of courses with 16 treatments in the first course and then 12 treatments in subsequent courses. Each time I started to feel the full effect after about 4 treatments (but it is important to have the full course to prevent relapse). It's a relatively safe form of treatment for depression and if I had to ever have again, I would in a heartbeat.

I'm sorry to read today was alone and empty, I have to tell you though, it needn't be like this forever.

Hugs,

Q

thanks @Queenie

i hope i hear soon when my appointment is i cant keep going on like this. spent most of the day on the lounge just feeling like sh!t.