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So, I wanted to share with you my respite away from home that I'm hoping will unstuck the stuck me, and reset my neurological pathways to a different outlook. This place, in the burbs of Perth is a little haven of homeliness and gentle care. There's a small number of people here of various diagnoses, and we share rooms with same sex. So there's 2 other ladies in my room. It's a large home, and essentially you have to care for yourself. No one makes you do anything you don't want, but if you want to chat about life, your MI and get some perspective & guidance, there's nurses here 24/7. Obviously, you have to hand over your meds, and no drugs and alcohol are permitted.
The head nurse is a DBT Guru, something that @CheerBear, @Pheonix_Rising & @Zoe7 would love to have a natter with. He's very perceptive but gently proves and before i knew it, Id told him everything (well, a scaled down version). He said I was holding so much stress, more than most, and was surprised how 'normal' I presented. He recognised my recent high levels of anxiety, and how that was impacting my inability to feel comfortable with change.
I've been here since Friday afternoon. Saturday I had an anxiety meltdown, and thought it was nuts being here, and I was probably better to admit myself to hospital as I was very intent on doing major harm to myself. A phone call to my case manager set me right, plus a prn, and essentially riding out the storm. Sunday was a better day, where I walked to get a paper, stopped for a coffee, and also stopped at a greengrocer. Dinner was a communal affair on this night, and although conversation was minimal, it was nice to be among others. I haven't made any buddies here, as I've essentially kept to myself. But I took a walk yesterday with a patient & nurse, and I repeated the walk on my own today.
So I've agreed to be here until next Monday, as going home on the weekend could bring me undone. It's the time I feel most lonely and despair, and when my impulses to SH are highest. Every day I will do a little work with one of the nurses on DBT stuff especially interpersonal skills and distress tolerance skills.
The really great thing is I can come back here anytime things get unbearable & hospital isn't a option. And I can call the nurses if I'm distressed or in crisis as they know my history. It's good to have another support option. There is only two places like this in Perth. It's a shame there's not more.
Today was turning out to be much like yesterday, and it saddened me that all the good of this week was coming undone. My depression was dragging me back down, taking comfort under the covers, and whispering in my ear that it was a big, bad world out there & it was safer inside in isolation. Plus, I was going over & over in my head the scenario that I have to face with my house mate this week, and it was really doing a number on me. So I kicked depression out of my bed about lunchtime, and made the bed so she couldn't get back in. I showered for the first time in 2 days (even with my depression hygiene has always been important), and I walked down to the markets and Cafe strip. 5 mins in the markets cleared my head, and I got out before anxiety took hold.
I then walked through some quieter streets, stopped in a few shops & got myself a light lunch snack from Woolies. I then took the bus most of the way back and walked the rest. I spent the afternoon packing as I leave tommorrow. I'm a little sad, but I'm determined to try to keep the momentum going so I don't slip backwards. And one of my case managers (I have 2 who play tag team) called me this evening which was unexpected. She is the funnier one with a heavy South African accent, and no matter how rubbish I feel, she makes me laugh. She's incredibly down to earth, no BS kind of mh nurse. Perfect fit for me. It was good to tell her that I'm a little better, when I know only a week or so ago, she was so concerned she was trying to encourage me to admit myself to hospital.
So as I sit here writing this, I have a new person to my left (still don't know her name) who is snoring a happy tune, and the other woman is also asleep. I've only just taken sleeping tablets, so it'll be awhile yet before I'm ready for sleep, and I have a couple of things to do before then.
I'll talk to the head nurse before I go home tommorow, but I know I'll be back here at some point in time. It's been a nice escape from the isolation of home, but I'm really missing my four legged friend and the peace, quiet and comfort of my own bedroom.
In response to: Re: My mental health respite
Unknown userMember
Re: My mental health respite
@Sans911
First of all, well done for kicking depressions butt this morning!
I am happy when you go home that you have the support of your case managers to help. I imagine you would feel a bit aprehensve about going home and not going backwards. Hopefully knowing that you have the option of going back there will make it a bit easier to go home tomorrow.
I hope everything goes well with your house mate this week and she starts paying for rent and bills again to help you out so there is not as much stress on your shoulders.
Thank you for all the updates. I have loved hearing how you have gone each day. And from the first post to this one, you can tell that you have gotten a lot of positives out of staying there.
Nell
In response to: My mental health respite
Sans911Senior Contributor
Re: My mental health respite
@Former-Member thanks for your post. I came here not knowing what to expect, but trusting my mh case manager when she suggested this place. You get stuck in your own isolation sometimes and this place was far enough away to break that hold. My depression still lingers, trys to drag me down, and will probably try again this week. But I'm prepared and armed, so I may be alright. I hope so, because I've truly had enough in the last 12 months. It's been like hell. And I want out. There's still much more work for me to do, the struggle continues. And I'm truly scared at this point when things start to go well, I always wondering what's around the corner.
It's very late in your world; are you not tired?
In response to: Re: My mental health respite
Unknown userMember
Re: My mental health respite
I don't blame you for being scared, totally understandable. Think everything is going to well.and wonder when the 'crash' will happen.
Yes it is late here, almost 2am. But I am scared to go to sleep. I don't want another flashback and end up how I was today. I have an app with GP tomorrow so going to ask about stronger tablets to help me.
In response to: Re: My mental health respite
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: My mental health respite
Just dropping this in here too @Sans911@Former-Member .... sounds like you can both do with an oasis ....
In response to: My mental health respite
outlanderSenior Contributor
Re: My mental health respite
Thats really pretty @Faith-and-Hope ❤
@Sans911 it sounds like this place has really done some good for you. Ive loved hearing about your adventures. Maybe you should buy some cheap plates 😉 good luck for today since youll be going home. And we will be here helping you along ❤
In response to: My mental health respite
Unknown userMember
Re: My mental health respite
Thanks for tagging me @Sans911💜 Sorry I haven't chatted, I've not been feeling good at all. It must be nice being back home and being able to snuggle in your own bed.
In response to: My mental health respite
Sans911Senior Contributor
Re: My mental health respite
@Former-Member I may have got you mixed up between you & @Former-Member. It doesn't matter. I appreciate you read some of my post. I'm so sorry things aren't great for you. I hope they improve very soon. Take care
Today's been emotional, but everything has worked out okay. I got a distressing text from my house mate this morning which made me really anxious, and I realised I would have to talk to her today. But I spoke to the head nurse (he took me out for coffee,☺️) who helped me talked through some strategies & asked to call him later in the week. And my mh case manager rang on the way home & we also discussed what/how I was going to do things.
When I came home she was out the back crying. I unpacked, then asked her to come inside & have a chat. I told her she had to come up with next weeks rent or leave by Sunday. She said she had someone who will lend her money on Thursday. I encouraged her to go to Centrelink & ask for urgent payment. Her pride has always stopped her doing this. So I drove her there (I had to sign papers anyway re:her portion of rent) and stayed until she sorted it out. She gets a payment tommorow with a bit extra for food. She looks really terrible, and is actually quite ill with a fever, and has hives from stress. So of course I did my nurse thing and got her some antihistamines.
She'll transfer the rent money tommorow and pay me back for the cigarettes & meds. So I didn't have a meltdown, I didn't need to leave the house to get some space, we chatted a bit more at dinner, and it's hopefully going to be alright. She owes me a lot of money for past rent, more than she realised, but when she gets work, we'll make a payment plan for that. I'm pleased with how things went.
And my foster sister insisted on loaning me some money for other bills I had outstanding, which is a big help.
I'm still feeling ok, I've haven't slipped back, and I'm really worried I will, but I just need to stop isolating so much. I'm back on a weekly walking group each Wednesday at a really scenic spot, I have a retreat planned this weekend which I'm looking forward to (been planned for ages) and I've signed up to go sailing next week. So slowly finding me way out of the darkness back to some sort of life. Long, long roads to go yet. I don't know quite what's ahead, and I don't like that. So I just have to have some trust. And try to stay alive
In response to: Re: My mental health respite
Unknown userMember
Re: My mental health respite
@Sans911you are up early! How did you sleep last night?
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