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I feel...

I feel...

I feel desperately lonely yet, I feel like I don't belong anywhere. I don't belong in the 'Normal' world because I am tarred with the brush of mental ill health, yet because I've sort of stabilised now, I don't belong with my former peers either. I feel beige, uncoloured and boring with no emotion really even though if I had to say anything it is gutted. I feel trapped in a world I don't want and didn't ask for, yet whenever I try and break the shackles of failure, I am thrust back into the dark and reminded yet again of my failures (my Father is a constant person to remind me). I feel alone, even in a crowded room. I feel unheard, even if I am screaming loudly.

I guess I am just searching for something and not sure what.

Does anyone else feel beige?

871 replies

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Re: I feel...

fingers crossed! @Queenie

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Re: I feel...

@QueenieI have read back a bit and think it is really courageous of you to be taking these steps for your own mental health. Just wanted to tell you that

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Thank you @Snowie

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I heard back from the peer house! Next Friday I have an appointment to tour the house and fill out paperwork, then I check in 14th May. I'll be taking my laptop and phone, so I will still have contact with you all. It is free to stay there but it is self-catered, so I have to take my own food and stuff.

Sounds awesome!

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Re: I feel...

@Queenie That is wonderful Queenie 🙂 A quiet pleace where you will be able to do your studies in peace whilst looking after your well being. Great that you found it and that you dont have to pay for it.

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Thats awesome @Queenie !

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@Queenieso pleased for you, great news

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I'm not firing on all cylinders today/tonight, please I beg all your forgiveness for that. The kids are here and I cannot create any unnecessary scenes. I feel downright awful. I am functioning on little sleep and absolutely nothing is giving me any sense of pleasure at all. I think I will go to bed in a couple of hours. Big day tomorrow with the Mrs' children.

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I feel invisible. Does nobody 'see' me? Online I am invisible and don't matter... just like the 'real world'.

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Sorry @Queenie i havent been online much

Did you get much sleep last nighyt and how did you go with the kids and mrs?
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