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I feel...

QueenieSenior Contributor

I feel...

I feel desperately lonely yet, I feel like I don't belong anywhere. I don't belong in the 'Normal' world because I am tarred with the brush of mental ill health, yet because I've sort of stabilised now, I don't belong with my former peers either. I feel beige, uncoloured and boring with no emotion really even though if I had to say anything it is gutted. I feel trapped in a world I don't want and didn't ask for, yet whenever I try and break the shackles of failure, I am thrust back into the dark and reminded yet again of my failures (my Father is a constant person to remind me). I feel alone, even in a crowded room. I feel unheard, even if I am screaming loudly.

I guess I am just searching for something and not sure what.

Does anyone else feel beige?

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In response to: I feel...

QueenieSenior Contributor

Re: I feel...

I think I need my antidepressants reviewed so I don't keep crashing through the floor.

Thing is I've tried just about every type of antidepressant there is out there on the market. I currently take an SNRI, but have taken SSRIs, MAOIs and tricyclics. I even tried herbal remedies before that. Everything loses its efficacy after a while. Given, this medication has last the longest, but even now I just feel awful and want to go back to the madness of addiction again (I was addicted to illicit drugs and alcohol back in 2007 when I stopped).

I am fairly sure there are newer types on the market now, it is something to discuss with my psychiatrist when I see him next.

I can't keep on upping the dose all the time. I am already on a special authority prescription because I am on a higher than normal dosage. Last time it was increased, my doctor said it would be the last increase.

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SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

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