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I feel...

QueenieSenior Contributor25 Sept 2017, 10:10 pm AEST

I feel...

I feel desperately lonely yet, I feel like I don't belong anywhere. I don't belong in the 'Normal' world because I am tarred with the brush of mental ill health, yet because I've sort of stabilised now, I don't belong with my former peers either. I feel beige, uncoloured and boring with no emotion really even though if I had to say anything it is gutted. I feel trapped in a world I don't want and didn't ask for, yet whenever I try and break the shackles of failure, I am thrust back into the dark and reminded yet again of my failures (my Father is a constant person to remind me). I feel alone, even in a crowded room. I feel unheard, even if I am screaming loudly.

I guess I am just searching for something and not sure what.

Does anyone else feel beige?

871 replies

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In response to: I feel...

BunniekinsSenior Contributor21 Apr 2018, 5:50 pm AEST

Re: I feel...

@Queenie I know. 😞

In response to: Re: I feel...

outlanderSenior Contributor21 Apr 2018, 6:07 pm AEST

Re: I feel...

i understand it happens here too. @Queenie i agree with GP, its just a dream even though its rattled you, its just a dream

In response to: I feel...

Eden1919Senior Contributor21 Apr 2018, 9:34 pm AEST

Re: I feel...

@Queenie I am always worried people will find out who I am on here it is really stressful so I can understand why you would feel so rattled. Try your best not to worry though the worry does nothing helpful 😕 I am not sure maybe you could just as greenpea said try to remember it was only a dream.

In response to: Re: I feel...

QueenieSenior Contributor22 Apr 2018, 9:14 pm AEST

Re: I feel...

I have decided to get away for a while soon.

I'm going to be working on my recovery in more depth. My voices, anxiety and everything is just taking over and I am scared of winding up back in hospital against my will. Therefore I am going to go to a peer-run facility where I will be allowed to have visitors and come and go but ultimately be working towards getting well. I just hope they have a vacancy soon.

In response to: I feel...

outlanderSenior Contributor22 Apr 2018, 9:17 pm AEST

Re: I feel...

Im really glad you made that decision @Queenie i hope theres a spot for you soon. Well done on working on yourself ❤

In response to: Re: I feel...

QueenieSenior Contributor22 Apr 2018, 9:40 pm AEST

Re: I feel...

Thank you @outlander. I hope they have a vacancy soon too.

In response to: I feel...

outlanderSenior Contributor22 Apr 2018, 9:42 pm AEST

Re: I feel...

It sounds good @Queenie
A supportiv environment but not stuck there.
At least its a goal for yourself and when things get abit tough you can remind yourself you have the respite planned.
I know your doing the best you can so will offer some hugs 🙂

In response to: Re: I feel...

QueenieSenior Contributor22 Apr 2018, 10:05 pm AEST

Re: I feel...

It's a bit different from respite @outlander. It is more recovery focused and it deemed a 'recovery house'. I was lucky to find it is only 10 minutes from home and I can stay there for up to 3 weeks (though I'll only be going for about a week). I'm hanging on until then.

In response to: I feel...

outlanderSenior Contributor22 Apr 2018, 10:12 pm AEST

Re: I feel...

Still sounds really great @Queenie a positive step forward.

In response to: Re: I feel...

QueenieSenior Contributor23 Apr 2018, 6:45 pm AEST

Re: I feel...

I haven't heard anything as yet, but am hoping to hear something tomorrow. I think Mondays are staff training days.

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