I feel...

@outlander @Former-Member @Former-Member... one of my friends from my old town (when I lived inland about 2 hours), said they would like to visit my friend's resting place with me. He thinks it will give me a sense of closure to be able to remember her and show her memorial some love (apparently it is a pauper's memorial). I'd like to have it replaced when I can afford it with something much more fitting. It doesn't even have her date of birth on it. Such a tragedy her story. Although I was never anything more than best mates with her, she encouraged me to be true to myself and 'come out of the closet'. If it wasn't for her, I'd still be in denial.

@Queeniei think that will be a wonderful idea, iam glad your friend is taking you there. i really hope that itll bring some closure to you and perhaps you cna visit there more often when you would like to.

also you werent 'just' her best friend. she would have meant the world to you and the same for her too. the way you talk about her she sounds like your soul mate (and soul mate isnt just for lovers either)

when do you think youll be able to do that?

@QueenieI think that is a great idea to do with your friend and might help you in the process too. Sometimes our friends are like family, and much closer than family too.

I'm not sure @outlander. I have to contact the cemetery and find out exactly where she is located within the grounds. Then my friend who wants to come with me, lives interstate now and only comes to visit my area a few times per year.

You are probably right about soul mates @outlander. I remember one of the crazy things we did was buy each other a huge championship size trophy and call it the 'perpetual friendship trophy'. We really did value each other's friendship. It is sad that she did reach out for help when she said she was suicidal, all her friend's believed her and tried to get her help, but the hospital kept sending her away. It was just a terrible tragedy which should have been preventable. If she were still alive who knows what great things she could have accomplished? She wanted to be a doctor...

Hello @Queenie

Yes the friendship that you experienced with your friend sounds as though it reached depths that were special for the two of you..

I also agree with @outlander and @Former-Member that the suggestion from your friend to visit together will be a very special experience for you..

whilst I was in the Uk earlier this year My new found cousin and myself visited an unmarked grave that we paid to have cleared..a memorial plaque engraved with our grandparents, aunt and uncles names with love from their descendants..my way of thinking someone in many years to come may go looking and easily find..we were also able to see the original entries and dates of those buried in church records..

It meant the world to me because my dad lost his mum and dad whilst he was in the British Raf..I fel reconnected with my dad who passed 19 years ago and do that for him ..myself and family..

If you can't afford a plaque..are expensive..you coul tend the grave together..perhaps each say something..light a candle each..whatever is appropriate for each of you...a very spiritual time for you..

lastly it does not matter what others think..my mum and twin did not agree..didn't even want me to meet cousin..my dad's nephew whom I had never met...so I did what was right for me..I have photographs and special memories forever..

sorry about the length again...

take care

I used to have loads of pictures on MySpace, but since I haven't used it in so long, they closed my account down @outlander. There was a hilarious one I had private of her in my old wedding dress for a tarts and vicars party. She wasn't a girly girl and was covered in tattoos and piercings, so it was really funny seeing her in a white gown.

Thank you @Former-Member... you are so right. You all are. Our friendship was very special.

It was in the days of msn and hotmail @outlander. It's long gone, unfortunately. It probably a good thing I don't go back on my old myspace account, as it is pretty triggering really. I'd have too much stuff come up and I'm not entirely sure how I'd handle it.