I feel...

You have indeed @outlander

I couldn't bring myself to tell my Mrs I've been crying. I just texted her a crying emoji instead. She is yet to respond, but I think her phone is flat so she hasn't received it yet. I am just sort of sitting here in stunned silence, I'm not crying anymore at least @outlander. I think I will go to bed soon actually. I feel pretty crappy and have to get up early tomorrow to catch a bus to the shops. I don't feel much like shopping, however.

Well, I am going to log off now and take my meds and go to bed @outlander.

Thank you for sitting with me my friend. I've already had my shower tonight (and to save water am only allowed one shower at night and one in the morning- MIL's rules). I must listen to music on my phone until I fall asleep.

@Queenie

I hope you are feeling better today. I though it was interesting that you said you don't have a fear of abandonment but it's the knowledge that it happened to you. Such a terrible feeling when we realise how horrible people can actually be and people who are supposed to care for us just don't. Life would be so much easier if we could just force people to care about us.

It sounds like contact with your father triggers you, so I guess you have the choice to avoid all contact and make that clear to him that for your health you can't be in touch anymore? I am at that stage in my relationship with my father too. Being around him upsets me a lot and I feel I am condoning his awful behaviour by allowing him to stay in contact with me. You would think as people get older they soften a bit or try to make up for the wrongs they did, but it doesn't sound like your father (or mine) are that way.

Hello @outlander and @girl99. I had a very restless night last night. I think I got about 2hrs sleep in total. Woke up at 4am and took my morning meds and tried to sleep again, but couldn't. I eventually got up about 7am and got ready for the day. We (Mrs, MIL and I) went shopping by bus and it was a mammoth effort to try and stay awake. I felt like I was floating most of the time and feel very dizzy and sick. After we came home I crashed and slept all afternoon (so apologies for not being around much today). I'm going to have an early night tonight too, as I am still very tired.