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I feel...

I feel...

I feel desperately lonely yet, I feel like I don't belong anywhere. I don't belong in the 'Normal' world because I am tarred with the brush of mental ill health, yet because I've sort of stabilised now, I don't belong with my former peers either. I feel beige, uncoloured and boring with no emotion really even though if I had to say anything it is gutted. I feel trapped in a world I don't want and didn't ask for, yet whenever I try and break the shackles of failure, I am thrust back into the dark and reminded yet again of my failures (my Father is a constant person to remind me). I feel alone, even in a crowded room. I feel unheard, even if I am screaming loudly.

I guess I am just searching for something and not sure what.

Does anyone else feel beige?

871 replies

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In response to: I feel...

Re: I feel...

thats ok @Queenie sleep today off and start again tomorrow. hopefully itll be a little more productive maybe set yourself some rewards every hr maybe?

In response to: Re: I feel...

Re: I feel...

I went to bed ridiculously early last night and slept through until about 9am. That's an awful lot of sleeping!

If I could sleep tomorrow away I'd be really happy.

In response to: Re: I feel...

Re: I feel...

hey @Queenie you mustve need the sleep

did you manage to do some of your assignment today?

In response to: Re: I feel...

Re: I feel...

Yes @outlander, I managed some of my assignment. I've got an awful lot to go yet. I've had a big weekend really. However, I met with my Father today and he mentioned that I was talking about him online. Seeing as this the only place I do, I feel disappointed someone has identified me and have gone back to him with what has been said. I now do not feel safe anywhere 😞

It is quite probable I have family and friends who frequent here (I know my Mrs is a member after all), it just really throws me that someone would betray my trust like that. Some people have no idea when it comes to privacy and confidentiality! I wish I knew who it was, I'd give them what for and then delete my account (which I am thinking of doing anyway).

In response to: I feel...

Re: I feel...

Oh really!? @Queenie that really is a shame for sure. Youve been struggling with this for a long while now with your accounts. Can u delete and then make a new one?
Maybe you could talk to your mrs about it?

In response to: Re: I feel...

Re: I feel...

I just asked her about it @outlander. She swears it wasn't her and I believe her. She also said she has long forgotten her username and password as she didn't write it down. I believe that too. So it is someone else...

Makes me feel extremely vulnerable.

In response to: Re: I feel...

Re: I feel...

Feeling really bad. 😞

In response to: I feel...

Re: I feel...

Well at least its not her so if its nor her then who is it. It would make me paranoid too and very vulnerable. @Queenie

In response to: Re: I feel...

Re: I feel...

Yes, @outlander. Makes me feel weirded out. I feel like giving up. I can't delete my account because I'm a CG (it was a role I actually enjoyed). My online world was somewhere where I felt I could be 'me'. Obviously that is not the case. I don't even know how to feel anymore. I'm an utter failure.

In response to: Re: I feel...

Re: I feel...

can you delete your account and let behind the scenes know. im sure something can be sorted out. your new name will have CG on it and not new contributor so no one will know @Queenie

and your not a failure. whoever is 'spying' on you is failiing you in my opinion.

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