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I feel...

I feel...

I feel desperately lonely yet, I feel like I don't belong anywhere. I don't belong in the 'Normal' world because I am tarred with the brush of mental ill health, yet because I've sort of stabilised now, I don't belong with my former peers either. I feel beige, uncoloured and boring with no emotion really even though if I had to say anything it is gutted. I feel trapped in a world I don't want and didn't ask for, yet whenever I try and break the shackles of failure, I am thrust back into the dark and reminded yet again of my failures (my Father is a constant person to remind me). I feel alone, even in a crowded room. I feel unheard, even if I am screaming loudly.

I guess I am just searching for something and not sure what.

Does anyone else feel beige?

871 replies

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In response to: I feel...

Re: I feel...

glad to hear that you are having a rest in what sounds like a really lovely environment. I hope the clay is fun and relaxing 🙂 I was thinking maybe mrs is adjusting too if she's a bit quiet... but get the sadness in it too.
take care of you

In response to: I feel...

Re: I feel...

@Queenie

Sounds like the perfect place for you to unwind..

lovely that there is a garden where you can connect with nature..

am keen to hear more about air drying clay and what you create..

would like to do some pottery myself.

rest up and relish your own space..

keep in touch with us all if you feel up to it..

In response to: I feel...

Re: I feel...

Enjoy your creative persuits and the peace and quiet of the garden @Queenie

In response to: I feel...

Re: I feel...

Good to hear @Queenie,

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Today, with guidance and instruction from one of the workers, I was able to call the NDIA to put my expression for an Access Request Form for the NDIS. Pretty scary really! I was super nervous and had to call upon my learned old job telephone technique. I hope they don't think I'm not disabled enough to get support. Respite will be included under the NDIS, so it is important that I get some sort of package!

Anyhoo, I was told that so far mine has been the easiest, as I sort of sounded like I knew what was happening (I don't really so go figure).

In response to: Re: I feel...

Re: I feel...

@Queenie

I so love your personality and the way you express yourself...

Anyhoo, I was told that so far mine has been the easiest, as I sort of sounded like I knew what was happening (I don't really so go figure).

this is what most people in corporate world do.....fake it and make it

I love your new avatar...

what do you think of mine?

have been spending ages on blasted computer looking for something vintage style representing twins with dark hair and dark brown eyes...you think that would be easy....nope not for this non techno whizz...

whatever as my son used to say

anyhoo...scottish? I found out last year that I have irish ancestry on one side.

keep on enjoying that garden area and soothing your soul..

speak when you can

In response to: Re: I feel...

Re: I feel...

Hey there @Former-Member, You just posted a very interesting question... the origin of anyhoo. I used trustly Google and came up with the fact that it is indeed of Scottish origin. I've used it for as long as I can remember, despite having no Scottish relatives (except those far removed ancestors). I find it friendlier than saying 'anyway'.

I made a cake at respite this afternoon, something I don't get to do at home because the kitchen is too small. It was enjoyed by everyone and nobody is keeling over dead yet, so I'd say it was a success! I haven't done any more painting (which is a shame) but at the same time I am still busy, even if it is a bit lonely here. Nobody talks to one another. The worker retreats to do their work stuff in the office and the guests pretty much have all disappeared after dinner. Days are filled in solitude and it can be a tad isolating really. However, I am enjoying the quiet and serenity of the garden.

I really love your new avatar by the way. I think you have captured the vintage look rather well. My avatar is my favourite performer Robbie (love him to bits). I really like this picture of him because it reminds me of how I used to wear my hair when I was younger. The picture is also taken from when I was first diagnosed, so it has some personal meaning to me. His music back then was a little dark, sort of a damaged Robbie Williams fighting his own demons. These days his music is much happier and doesn't contain the self-destruct button from his past. I still like it because it gives me hope.

Anyhoo (there's that word again)... I'm rambling so I'll finish this post here.

In response to: I feel...

Re: I feel...

Stil here for you @Queenie 💜

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Re: I feel...

Thank you @outlander

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@Queenie

Willtry to respond tomorrow

sleeptime

take care

anyhoo

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