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I feel...

I feel...

I feel desperately lonely yet, I feel like I don't belong anywhere. I don't belong in the 'Normal' world because I am tarred with the brush of mental ill health, yet because I've sort of stabilised now, I don't belong with my former peers either. I feel beige, uncoloured and boring with no emotion really even though if I had to say anything it is gutted. I feel trapped in a world I don't want and didn't ask for, yet whenever I try and break the shackles of failure, I am thrust back into the dark and reminded yet again of my failures (my Father is a constant person to remind me). I feel alone, even in a crowded room. I feel unheard, even if I am screaming loudly.

I guess I am just searching for something and not sure what.

Does anyone else feel beige?

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Re: I feel...

Hey @Queenie, so glad you've made it there now. How unusual that you are the only guest. At least you have the forum for some company. Great too that you have art stuff and course assignments to do while there. Keeping fingers crossed for a good balance to emerge for you from this time out.

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Re: I feel...

lovely to hear that you made it @Queenie

no more counting down

ss @Mazarita Mentioned if you can peace will help yo create some art or do some of your study..

you have come from a very hectic period...very busy days..so many planned events..

planned stuff does my head in when I am really struggling..

perhaps you will be waited on lavishly as you are the only guest...

no matter you are in a safe place where you can let go and be you..

take care and let them help you..

will look out for your posts..

In response to: Re: I feel...

Re: I feel...

how are you settling in @Queenie

I always found in hospital took me about a week....that is different though ...so many patients...staff...activities....busy busy...

respite is calmer than hospital...

I hope that you are ok...thinking of you

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Re: I feel...

@Queenie ❤❤

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@Queenie ..wishing you all the best...catgirl🐾

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Re: I feel...

Wow thank you @Mazarita, @Former-Member, @outlander and @catgirl for your kind wishes. I truly do appreciate them. I went for a walk today and found an art and craft store and bought myself 5kg of clay to play with. I am looking forward to using it actually and seeing what comes up. It is air drying clay which does not need to be fired in a kiln thank goodness.

I started a painting late last night, but 30 minutes later, I'd only done a 3 x 3 x 3cm patch of white unicorn face. The painting I'm working on is approximately 60 x 40cm, so I have a fair bit to do yet. Strangely, I did not feel calm painting last night as I would have hoped (but it is early days yet). The respite place has a large garden and I've been enjoying sitting out in the fresh air, something I neglected to do at home. I realised I have to make time for myself away from technology and people more often. Even if it is just sitting and doing nothing for an hour a day.

I feel bad about one aspect however... my Mrs doesn't seem to want to talk to me. She is always making excuses why she can't talk to me (except for text). It makes me feel a bit sad, but maybe that's her way of coping with my absence perhaps?

This Friday I am going stationery shopping. I need to buy myself a notebook and USB stick for my course. Hopefully, I will find what I am looking for in the back to school bargains.

I'm full of good healthy food. Everything here is health conscious and while I miss chocolate, I've noticed the difference already. I've sort of 'awakened' myself by eating vegetables which are raw rather than cooked and healthy options such as nuts and seeds (organic ones). I hope to take these changes home with me when I leave.

Anyway, that's me for now.

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Glad it is going well @Queenie

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Hi @Queenie, so good to hear you sounding more positive now that you are in respite. A walk, clay, painting, garden, healthy food, all sounds so good for the soul.

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Good to hear @Queenie
Keep up with the good things. You deserve the rest help and support ❤❤

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@Queenie ... Clay ...Yay...and great that you dont need a kiln ...i would love to see what you create out of it...post some pics if you can..take care
catgirl🐾
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