I feel...

Too true @outlander. I guess it can only become a conflict of interest if we allow there to be one. I did only find out she works there at my last stay as she woke me up to remind me to take medications one morning. She didn't recognise the name (as I was going by my former name back then), and when she saw me we both burst out laughing about it. It was someone I did my mental health and peer support Cert IV with.

@Queenie @Bunniekins @outlanderrelieved to read that you are safe..

you have good support here too from outlander and Greenpeace which will help you through now..

i understand your reaction re lifeline..some have been helpful others made me feel worse..

last time I just said I need to talk ...I don't want advice..I just want someone to listen...she was very good..

you are doing the same here queening..

your traffic light system I now remember .brilliant...you could use that on here too..

You have also made moment to talk to Mrs. And had reassuring answer..

I think that you are doing as much as anyone could given the circumstances..You are being very sensible despite such pain..

having several back up plans helps as you are doing..

i don't get chance to come on here often...I will check in when I can..I feel better knowing that you have two lovely helpers..

Tell your self esteem to run and jump for now..you are too busy...that is what I do sometimes..

one day at a time...stress this to Mrs...traffic lights do change..

take care all xx

Pops

re previous message ....sorry Greenpea. Not Greenpeace and queenie not queening,,

stupid predictive text on laptop

at least no underlining this time

@Queenie Hi Queenie just checking up on how you are doing. Hopefully you are fast asleep and when you wake up you will be feeling a tinsey bit better. Let us know how you are going.

Hi @Former-Member, @outlander and @Bunniekins, I spoke to my Mrs at length about my situation last night after everyone had gone to bed. She seems to think a few days in respite might be a good idea to allow me to come down on my medications slowly without the added stress. The thing is I don't know when I'll be able to access it as we are busy right through to when my course starts on 22 January and then I'll be studying full-time without a break until Easter. I have a sleep study on the 9th, taking the kids to a theme park on the 8th, Big Bash cricket 10th, dinner with my cousin on the 3rd and 4th, going to the theatre on 7th, car being put in for service 12th, movies somewhere in there too as we still have the children here. I also have to see the GP for my injections every two weeks. My birthday is 26th (thank God it's a public holiday). I'm just flat out for weeks. I'll be exhausted. I don't want to go to the theme park or the cricket really, but the Mrs does and everybody else does, so I have no choice (especially since I am paying for the tickets to the cricket).

I am dreading January!

My voices are now almost completely taken over. I feel really detached from everyone else, which means I am verging on kaput. I told my Mrs I am red. She chose to do nothing, despite me begging her for help. I don't know what else to do.

I told her all my paranoid feelings (like how I constantly think someone is going to get me in a terrorist attack). She did nothing but to say she felt the same way, that's why she doesn't leave the house or answer the phone.

What next? I had an awful night's sleep last night. Awake with the birds yet again. I don't know how I am going to see NYE over and done with. It's raining anyway so no fireworks (not that I think I could handle them right now).

Oh geez, I'm rambling again. I'll stop (sorry).

@Queenie Hi Queenie sweetie I cannot see you making it through to the end of January without totally collapsing .... nobody wants that. You have to prioritise your health first above everything otherwise everything else will fall apart too.

Bugger everything else can you get yourself into respite asap. Everything else can wait or be rearranged or cancelled. Your mental health is more important. You wil be a help to no one if you end up at that awful public hospital mental health unit.

I can't cancel @Bunniekins, that would let people down and I don't want to do that. I agree with what you are saying though, I really don't want to end up in a public psych ward either (I usually go private unless I am very much a danger to myself or others). I explained to the Mrs that I didn't want to drink tonight, but she got all upset at me, so it looks like I'll be having a couple, but sticking pretty close to my laptop.

I'll phone respite next after the 12th and see what they can do. Hopefully, I can wait until then.

@Queenie I will have my fingers and toes crossed they can get you in asap. Just take care and keep us all in the loop so we know how you are going. I dont drink at all because it is so bad for me ... I wish I could ... but I cant.