I feel...

I think I will head off to bed. All these distressing thoughts and being stressed out isn't helping my blood pressure issues at all. I have a headache and feel dizzy now.

Peace out all!

Hello forumites, I barely slept last night. I ended up having a mini meltdown instead. I feel embarrassed about that... embarrassed that someone who doesn't even live in my day to day sphere, I allowed to bother me so much. It's hard because as much as he upsets me, I really want to have a normal relationship with my Father. I guess it'll never be and I should emotionally cut him loose. It's not worth the meltdowns when he won't even give me the time of day.

Thanks @outlander. He certainly doesn't make it easy for me at all.

Totally depressed. I just hope I don't have another meltdown tonight (like I did last night). I cried so hard I had to change my pillowcase and pillow. Today I feel strange, like not quite all there. Struggling, but I'll survive. My Mrs said if we had a car, she would have taken me to the beach (even though there's torrential rain here and very windy). That is another story entirely. My Mrs has been diagnosed with PTSD due to the car accident (the first one where she was hurt). She keeps having flashbacks and nightmares. I am doing my best to swallow what I am feeling in order to support her.

@Queenie im here for you

you need support too though and it seems your mrs is trying to support you as well. car trauma isnt fun, ive only just gotten throuhg mine but it still comes back every now and then.

have you been able to speak to your mrs about your father? and how its affecting you?

your both there for each other, your jsut as important as she is ok, you deserve support too

hugs and hugs

Hey @outlander, my Mrs is of the opinion that I should cut all ties with my Father. I can see she has a point, but he is virtually the only family I do have that actually speaks to me. It either have no family or have an abusive relationship with family. It's a super hard choice and either way I will be heartbroken. I lost the rest of my family when I was young (my Mother when I was 11 and my Brother when I was 16), it feels like I am going through it all over again. I see my Mrs has a lot of valid points here, she really does.

I wrote a mammoth post last night pouring my heart out but for some reason it didn't post. My laptop froze. I don't think I could go through writing it all again, it was pretty heartbreaking to write. I even had crazy head miles going on about quitting the forum and deleting my account here afterwards. It's probably a good thing it didn't post, I need the forum I realised. Oh gawd here are the tears again. What the heck is wrong with me? I can't help but think my family (minus my Mrs) would rejoice if I was no longer here.

know its hard @Queenie i wouldnt want to cut ties altogether either and its a very hard thing to do. im sorry youve lost everyone else too.

can i ask why he doesnt want to see you? i dont want to upset you so if it doesnt sit well its ok to not answer, jsut trying to get an understanding..

oh @Queenie im sorry, im not sure what i can do to help but im here for you ok. please dont leave here.

alot of people need the forums and that incldes myself. i often wonder what i wouldve done had i not found here and how the heck i managed without here! im hearing you there!