RE: Darkness surrounds me

thanks for replying @Sans911, I just don't want you to feel bad at all. I just probably should have tried it tonight and that is entirely on my shoulders, nothing to do with you.

I think you do a great deal of helping others, but who is helping you? You need to look after yourself too.

@Former-MemberI have a very supportive network, but's it's me that tries to push people away, as I fear if they knew my deepest, darkest thoughts, they would run. And I have lost some good friends in the last year or 3. I have a foster sister who checks on me several times a day by text. And my local Community MH case manager & her co-work play tag team with me several times a week. I also have a supportive gp who insists I see her weekly right now, due to my high risk of SH/SI. I have been high risk for the better part of the last year, so it's my life right now, and I have accepted that things are going to continue to be rubbish for some time to come. I am waiting on a referral to a public psychologist; could be some time yet.

@Sans911I totally understand about pushing people away. I grew up never having freinds. It was only recently that the psychologist and myself worked out why I push people away. And if we don't let people close than there is no-one that can run away from us.

I am so glad that you have some supports around you that can help you when times get tough especially with your thoughts. Our health system sux's that you have to wait for a psychologist when it would benefit you. I am lucky that I am on work cover so can see a psychologist through them.

I truely hope that you get the help you need, you seem like an extremely remarable person who has so much wisdom to offer. I just didn't want you feeling bad about before or for blaming yourself

@Former-MemberIt'll be ok. I am going to log off now, and let you have some peace. I hope you are feeling a little better soon. Goodnight

night @Sans911, hope you get some sleep

I shouldn't have left it is all my fault. It always seems to be my fault these days. I get balmed for having these troubles. I get balmed for not talking, I get balmed for everything.

This life is too hard, there must be an easier one out there with my name on it. I always have wondered if we come back as something else, or if we get a second chance.

Maybe next time it wil be better if i just quit. They are better of without me anyway.

its so hard to escape with the SI swirling around in my head. I need to sleep but I can't. I just want to cry but feel so numb😥😥😥