RE: Darkness surrounds me

I'm outside @Faith-and-Hope with a cup of tea trying to stay away from the dangers (I know I can't say things on this forum so I hope you understand what I mean). Just trying to silence the screams in my head.

I know this came as a shock but I don't understand why it's triggered me so much. And today started out so good too

It's impacting on your underlying anxiety levels @Former-Member .....

I had a period of time last year where I began experiencing panic attacks for that reason ..... one episodes of traumatic experiences with my husband was building on top of another .... your mind and body are keeping a score, and letting you know when you're in overload.

Keep breathing calmly if you can .... breathing in to a count of five, and out to a count of seven .... concentrate on calming your breathing and it will help your body to regulate those physical reactions ....

💜

I am not tagging anyone in this, I don't expect you to reply, I just need to vent.

So on top of the news today which I still haven't been able to tell my kids yet and don't know how I am going to, I had an appointment with my GP.

I f**ken hate her. If she didn't know some of my history then I would change GP's but maybe I need to anyway. I don't know where she got her degree from but I keep repeating the same things every time. You have got it written down, look it up.

Then she asks me about sleeping. I tell her I get next to no sleep, it's affecting me in everyday things, I have no motivation or energy to do anything at all. I tell her the tablets she gave me do nothing and is there anything else I can try to help me sleep. So her stupid answer is to print out a good sleep practices sheet. What, doesn't she think I haven't already tried all of them already. I told her I've tried lots of them, her answer, try them again. WTF seriously. She said it's to do with the flashbacks. REALLY, I think I know that already, it's my brain.

Then she has the nerve to say 'you have been seeing the psychologist for awhile now, you should be getting better' AGAIN WTF. so supposedly I am just meant to magically get better. I was so close to telling her where she could shove her opinion. So stormed out of there (she knew I was pissed off) and have just bloody cried all the way home.

Just when I thought this day could get any worse my own f**ken doctor triggers me. So now I've got SH and SI on my mind and am sitting outside because there are too many dangers inside at the moment.

Obviously my doctor missed the lessons on mental health. So now when I can't get to sleep tonight, I will just self medicate myself instead, screw her. I am definitely changing GP's.

RANT OVER

Ohh and, now I'm so worked up that I can't drive my daughter to netball cause I can't stop shaking. I am so over all of them s**t in my life. I don't understand what I did wrong to deserve all of this. I have just had it.

RANT OVER

everyday it is something f**ken new. I just want a few days in a row that where just normal everyday things happen. Why all these big dramas have to happen. It was meant to be a simple GP visit, that is all, to get a script, but noooo, that couldn't happen could it. She had to piss me off. I am never seeing her again.

And I'm trying to hold it together for my kids but all I want to do is get in the car and take off away from this crap life.

Hi @Former-Member,

I am sorry to hear you are struggling with so much at the moment. Your experience with your GP sounds disheartening and very unhelpful to you. However, it also sounds like you are trying to stay safe, by staying away from dangers inside; which is great to hear!

I just wanted to let you know I have sent you a check-in email.

Kindest,

Amour_Et_Psyché

@Former-Member ..... don't worry about the netball for today. Tell your daughter that you have had some very upsetting news that you will tell her about later when her dad is home, but you have to cancel netball for tonight. At 12 yo she is old enough to make the phone call, to cancel her practice, if you're okay with that .....

The. I would suggest telling your husband about your aunt, and getting him to break the news to the kids .... I think you will find that he is less emotional about doing so because his relationship with her wasn't as strong as hers ....

These are just suggestions Hon .... if they sound right to you, then take them up .....

More hugs incoming .... 💜💐💕

And yeah .... think I would be dr shopping at this point ....

@Former-Member