RE: Darkness surrounds me

So after Wednesday I have been having some issues. As most of you know I don't tag people on here because I always feel bad about burdening others will my problems when people are going through much worse than me. So I don't expect a response just need to get it out.

The last two night have been new flashbacks but they have been of a different CSA that I had not remembered until now. It is starting to come back to me and happened more around when I was 14. I am not sure that I can cope with it and don't know when will all this end. I don't know how to deal with this new information and have had high anxiety all day. I feel that I am not strong enough to deal with this anymore. Panic. Attacks that seemed to be every now and then, now seem to be the norm. I don't know what tonight will bring and how I will get through the night safely. My thoughts and reactions are in overdrive at the moment.

Just letting you know I am hearing you @Former-Member .... just sitting here quietly with you.

💜

hi @Former-Member have you thought about trying to distract with meditation music and breaking the night down into hours, minutes and if need be seconds. also i find setting an alarm on my phone for ever 10 minutes breaks the thought cycle enough to bring me back to the present. i am up if you would like to talk

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope but you should be asleep!!

I don't know why I am only remembering this now. I really had enough to deal with and then this on top of it, no thanks

Hi @Jacques, I have been watching re runs of my go to show when I get distressed and have been listening to the smiling mind app. I have been breaking it down into hours but might try 20 minute blocks. I have been sitting with this the last few days trying to cope and didn't want to bother anyone, hence what I posted it so late. I don't understand why this has surfaced now and why I didn't remember it till now. Just when you think your brain has released everything, round 2 starts. This is just crap

im glad you have found a distraction, you sound like you have many coping mechanisms in place. it is not a bother to talk to someone and reach out for help, a lot of us hurt and a lot of us have trauma to process, sometimes it can be just random things that trigger past memories, i find smells, and sounds are my worst trigger. sometimes a memory will just appear without any reason. i guess it is our mind trying to process past memories and trying to let them go.

Their is always lifeline my friend, if you are feeling distressed and you would like to talk to someone in person, lifelines number is 13 11 14 and if you don't feel safe or can't hold safety please call a call back service 1300 659 467.

i am here if you would like to talk too, i suffer severe anxiety and depression myself, i have agrophobia and have not left my house in 17 years.

i hope you feel comfortable enough to talk if you are up to it

Hi @Jacques

Sorry to hear what you are going through, I hope you have support around you.

My anxiety, flashbacks, nightmares, panic attacks have all been around some recent traumas at work and CSA when I was 8. Last Wed I finally managed to tell my hubby (well my psychologist did anyway) that I had been sexually abused when I was young. It went ok, hubby responded better than I thought.

Since then I have quite felt down and anxious. Then two nights agoI had some new flashbacks but this one was about a sexual assault that happened when I was about 14. I haven't remembered this one till now. My SH and SI I had been controlling well up until this morning. Now they are screaming at me again. Just when I thought my life could get any worse, this comes up. I don't want to deal with this anymore and do not want to remember any more.

@Faith-and-Hope, thanks also for being here tonight💗

I am so sorry to hear you where sexually abused when you where 8 and 14, it was not your fault and i am glad your husband is supporting you through this time. it is a very traumatic thing to have had happen and i am so sorry it did happen to you, i was abused when i was 8 too, i know how scary and how violated you feel. this is partly why i am unable to leave my mum or my house (im 35) i have never had a night away from my parents because of what happened to me when i was 8.

i know flashbacks are so aweful and they can put you right back in the event. im so proud of you for fighting to sta safe. you sound like a strong and courageous woman. i would urge you to call the call back service if you feel you cant stay safe or go to the local hospital for support.

so many of us have been hurt so badly, you are not alone @Former-Member, i understand the hurt others can cause us, and i know theiir are many good people out their too.

have you thought about speaking with a qualified paychiatrist who specialises in sexual abuuse to get some help with dealing with the memories?

The problem is that I have only remember the one at 14 two nights ago. I have had no recollection of it until this point. I dont want to sleep because I don't want to remember any more.

I have got an appointment with a psychiatrist in 2 weeks. Been waiting about 4 weeks already. They are just so hard to get into.

I am sorry to hear that you went through something similar. Even though it's nice to relate to someone on here, you wouldn't wish this sort thing on anyone.

i just think I've had enough of the last two days. I just don't want to do it anymore, I just want it to all stop and go away.

It's only 10:40 over here, but I have started to face-plant my iPad, so might try to go to bed soon.

Woke up a 11:58 with this unsent in my iPad ....

Timing was a bit out there ....

💕 @Former-Member