RE: Darkness surrounds me

You too @CheerBear

Good morning ladies ....

@CheerBear, what you have just articulated (one page back) is where I am at the moment. It was beautifully said in that you captured it all.

It wasn't CSA for me, but in attending the counsellor we are seeing at the moment, I am not only having to re-tell my story, it is also under threat of triggering immediate, overwhelming, and life-changing consequences .... without the counsellor being aware, as far as I know .... and sitting next to the person who, in a delusional state, can bring it all undone. I have to tell the counsellor that he is delusional and threatening, without being able to articulate it openly.

I imagine one of @Former-Member's fears was that her husband wouldn't cope with the revelations, which potentially placed her in the same situation, only it went well. The backwash can be just as intense, I am sure ..... it's still big waves of feeling.

My understanding is that past hurts need a voice ..... they are looking for acknowledgement, validation that "this" shouldn't have happened - whatever "this" is to the individual - and the flashbacks are cries of emotional pain that need to be nursed to healing ..... and that will be an ongoing work for now.

My situation is about grief and loss, and the fact that WH is unwell, but unaware .... so his unwell mindset is driving our family dynamic and affecting all our relationships.

Something I have learnt is that when I am fearful of something happening in a way that is unexpected, and I won't know how to handle it in the moment, I can often (not always) actively trigger it so that it happens in a somewhat controlled way that I am somewhat prepared for.

@Former-Member, can you let your husband know that you are feeling very apprehensive about what questions he might want to ask you, and the timing of those questions ? You may find that he is feeling just as apprehensive about being able to ask you any questions, and what would be a timing that you could cope with ... or perhaps more likely, wanting to reassure you that he won't ask any questions with both of you being in a supported situation.

From there you can work out whether maybe he can write down some questions and pass them to your counsellor, so you can go through his questions there, and put together the answers in a controlled way with support ..... at this stage. Once the first boundaries have been successfully crossed, you may both be able to work back to being able to speak between yourselves without the counsellor present or directly involved.

I will continue to try to work out a way to cause a somewhat controlled triggering of our situation.

💜

Thank you @Faith-and-Hope for your sound advice, which it certainly is.

I love your idea of getting him to write down some questions that he would like answers too, and that I can go over with my psychologist. I am definetly am going to suggest this too him so thank you for that wonderful advice. I don't think I can 'handle' those questions being asked with out the psychologist sitting next to me at the moment. Hopefully with time, that will change.

I have been reading some of your situation and my thoughts are with you. It sounds like you are in an extremely difficult situation and are trying to support WH as well as look after yourself. That must take an extremely stong person to do that. I haven't commented because it seems that you have a lot of people on here that care about you.

Thanks, Nell

Thanks @CheerBear 💕💕💕Sending good vibes your way too😀