RE: Darkness surrounds me

@Former-Member - just letting you know I'm thinking of you this morning, knowing how hard it can get.

Looks like it was a really hard night @Former-Member 😞

I don't know what decisions you're talking about, but you're here this morning and whatever decisions you made might have allowed that to happen.

I was reading through the last page or so and was struck by how much what is happening to you reminds me of the fizzy drink metaphor. It's here, at about 4minutes if you want to see https://youtu.be/LhuzpUlaX_k

If you can't or don't want to watch it now, basically it likens traumatised people to being shaken like fizzy drink bottles. The only safe way to release the pressure that builds inside, is by opening the lid little by little. If you take the lid off too quickly, it all pours out. But with little turns at a time and breaks in between, the pressure can be released gradually, until the lid can come safely off.

Perhaps the new memories are your brain doing this process naturally. If you remembered all at once, maybe it would have been too much.

It helped me to think of it like that when it happened to me too. Like you, I was terrified of having more come up and so scared it would never end. It felt so cruel. There was an end to when it all came up though (I think/hope) and by having it come up in little bits, I could work through it. I am still working through it now, but looking back I think it was more managable in those hits than if I had been flooded by it all at once.

Maybe it doesn't help you to think of it like that, and that's ok too. I'm so sorry you're going through it and feel for you as you do.

Hugs @Former-Member im here for you too ❤❤🌺🌹🌼

It's all absolutely, completely, totally unfair @Former-Member 💕